While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, _"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, _"It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
Nice story, but can't see it happen in real life unless the guy intends to dump the girl. If that is the case, why buy her all the cloths and shoes? That's quite an expensive "going away" gift. Guys cheat not just because their tanks are empty or running low, it is most likely that they want to visit other gas stations. Buck Turgidson, that's pretty funny.
What's in it for us then? (and Mick Jagger cheated on Jerry Hall anyway. So much for that. If they're going to, they will. Pick a guy who will hold up his end of the bargain.) And, by the way of that pillow: it's small, skinny, and the chest isn't that big. It's underdeveloped.
It's a funny story, but I think it would be even funnier coming out of moestavern's ebonics translator: I never quite figured out why da sexual urge o' men an' biAtchez differ so much. And I never gots figured out da whole Venus an' Mars thin'. I gots never figured out why men th'o't wiff they head an' biAtchez wiff they heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, muh ma ****in b**** an' I wuz getting into bed. Well, da passion starts ta heat up, an' she eventually says "I don' feel like it, I just wants ya ta hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What wuz dat?!" So she says da werdz dat every big poppa on da planet dreads ta hear... "You're just not in whack wiff muh ma ****in emotional needs as uh biotch enough fo' me ta satisfy yo' physical needs as uh nig." She responded ta muh ma ****in puzzled peep by saying, "Can't ya just love me fo' who I be an' not what I do fo' ya in da bedroom?" Realizing dat nuttin' wuz going ta happen dat night, I jet ta sleep. The very next day I opted ta take da day off o' werk ta spend tyme wiff her. We jet out ta uh nice lunch an' then jet shopping at uh big, big unnamed department swapmeet. I walked around wiff her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one ta take so I told her we'd just gank dem all. She wanted new kicks ta compliment her new gear, so I said lets git uh pair fo' each outfit. We jet onto da jewelry department where she picked out uh pair o' diamond earrings. Let me tell ya...she wuz so excited. She mus' gots thought I wuz one wave short o' uh shipwreck. I started ta th'o't she wuz tes'in me cuz she asked fo' uh tennis bracelet when she don' even know how ta play tennis. I th'o't I threw her fo' uh loop when I said, "That'sfine, honey." She wuz almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all o' da excitement. Smiling wiff excited anticipation she finally said, "I th'o't dis here iz all dear, let'sjet ta da cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don' feel like it." Her face just jet completely blank as her jaw dropped wiff uh baffled WHAT?" I then said "honey! I just wants ya ta HOLD dis here sheeit fo' uh while. You're just not in whack wiff muh ma ****in financial needs as uh nig enough fo' me ta satisfy yo' shopping needs as uh biotch." And just when she had dis here peep like she wuz going ta kill me, I added, "Why can't ya just love me fo' who I be an' not fo' da things I gank ya?" Apparently I'm not havin' sex tonight either. sho 'nuff!
I told this story at lunch today and got a big response. Here's a joke that I heard back: A 30-something married couple with kids had settled upon a code word for sex. They used the word "laundry." The word became ingrained in their language pattern. One night the husband woke up in a randy mood. He nudged his wife and asked her if she wanted to do the laundry. She barely awoke and deflected his interest by excusing herself because she felt sleepy and sluggish. A couple of hours later, she herself woke up and remembered his suggestion. Feeling rested and rejuvenated and also a bit horny she nudged him back and said to him, "Remember the laundry? I think I'm ready to do some...." The husband grunted and retorted, "It was a small load so I just did it by hand." He turned over and went back to sleep.
one of my all time favorites: A newlywed couple is getting undressed on their wedding night. The husband, after removing his trousers, tosses them over to his new bride. "Put those on," he says. The wife looks at him curiously. "What did you say?" "Go ahead, put them on," he says again. "Well...okay," she replies, and she puts the trousers on. However, even after fastening the belt, they are still way too large for her, and they just fall down around her ankles. "I can't wear these," she says. The husband looks at her. "All right," he says, "now just remember that. I'm the one who wears the pants in the family. And don't you forget it!" So the wife slips off her panties and throws them to her husband. "Put those on," she says. "What? What are you talking about?" he asks. "Go ahead," says the bride. "You made me do it, now you go ahead and put those on." "Well, okay," he says reluctantly, and starts to put on the panties. But they are much too small, and he can't even get them up past his thighs. "I can't get into these," he says. The bride looks at him and says, "That's right--and you're not going to, either, until you change your attitude!"
