Subject: Christmas Party FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: Everyone Re: Christmas Party DATE: December 1 I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. Full open bar, and plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! ******* FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director DATE: December 2 RE: Christmas Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude ourJewish employees.We recognize the Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. ******* FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director DATE: December 3 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA Only" you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? ******* FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director DATE: December 7 RE: Holiday Party What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - the days are so short this time of year - or else package everything for take-home in little foil swans. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Did I miss anything? ******* FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director DATE: December 8 RE: Holiday Party So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshipping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your Shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks. Okay???? ******* FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director DATE: December 9 RE: Holiday Party People, people, nothing sinister was intended by the idea of having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan", there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day.Could we PLEASE lighten up a little? ******* FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resouces Director DATE: December 10 RE: Holiday Party Vegetarians!?!?!? For chrissakes, I've just about had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not! You may sit quietly at the table farthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your basic salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too...they scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now! ******* FROM: Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: December 14 RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy now? ------------------
First of all, I assume this was a joke. However, if something similar actually occurred, I can't imagine too many people would actually be complaining. Most people dread the office Christmas party -- you're forced to spend more time (evening hours at that) with a bunch of people you probably aren't even that fond of. I think the majority of people would gladly accept a paid day off during the holiday season. That way they could spend it with friends and family celebrating whatever holiday they choose in whatever manner they prefer.
Thats hilarious! ------------------ Remember.... You are not really drunk until you must hold on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hahaha ------------------ Ceo of the Walt Williams fan club. Web site coming soon atheistalliance.org
Great post bobrek ------------------ In order to be a success in life, you need 2 things: 1. Don't tell everything you know.
This joke has been going around for several years....GEEZE! NEWBIES! ------------------ There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
True story from my firm's 1998 Holiday Party. New employee named George has been with the firm a few weeks. Big guy: 6'3" over 300 lbs. Shows up at the party and starts drinking whiskey straight. Leers at and propositions the president's wife. Leers at and propositions other wives and female employees, including the director of HR. President and others ask him to give them his car keys and take a cab home. He Refuses. Calls the president a mothereffer. Calls other employees a mothereffer. Finally is physically ushered into a cab by president and others, still shouting obscenties. The party started at 8:00. He was ejected before 8:30. How on earth did a 300 lb man get so wasted in less than 30 min? He must have been wasted before he came? The party was on a Thursday. George didn't come in on Friday, or the next week. The next Friday, 8 days later, I see a small post in the company discussion group "George is no longer working here". Surprisingly, we've continued to have 2 Christmas parties since with alcohol and without incident.
