We rarely go out just to get drunk. I find a group that is doing something interesting. Going out to meet women, or play golden tee or watch sports or play golf. I still do jams with some friends for fun, also. The funny thing is that I've been single for about two years now. I date people all the time for fun. Nothing more. And I've never been happier. I love the idea of a relationship, but it certainly doesn't consume me. My best thoughts to you are to find people that are doing something that sounds like fun. If drinking is involved, so be it. And yeah. If some guys called me to go get drunk for the sake of getting drunk, that can get boring. But it can be fun, on occasion.
To be honest, I'm not really concerned about dating. That is a whole other situation that has its own complexities. For me, it is just about realizing that most of the people I know and who are my age are either married and busy or single and crazy.
You're right about that! All of my married friends I see about twice a year! Bah. Be single and crazy for a little while. Then go to married and busy.
bah! why would you ruin grey goose by putting red bull in it? its an adjustment for you now, but i bet you'll find people that have the same interests you do once you've had some time to look. try an AA meeting.
Hmm, I started a thread just like this some time ago. I believe it was titled 'All My Rowdy Friends Have Settled Down' or something like that. It was after a 'reunion' with some of my closest friends from college. In the back of my mind, I was expecting it to be like The Big Chill or something. Instead, I felt oddly out of place. Keep in mind, these people are the closest friends I've ever had and will probably ever have. But now, they're all married with children and their priorities are completely different than mine. Don't get me wrong, we're all still VERY close and we always will be, but it just wasn't the same as it used to be. It was kind of a sad but neccecary epiphany for me. I'm kind of in the middle like you, Jeff. I'm in my 30's, single with no kids that I'm aware of. I have married (with children) friends and I have single friends. When I hang out with my married friends, I always feel like the 3rd wheel. Like I'm almost in the way or something. My single friends are still into the whole "let's go to a club, get wasted, and hit on some skanky women" phase which I outgrew years ago. I'm somewhere in the middle. Luckily, the people in my band have become a lot closer over the last year or so. Before, we would all go our separate ways after gigs/rehearsals but now, they're practically my 2nd family and if we're not playing on the weekends, we're all hanging out together. Pretty cool since there are 11 of us, 4 of which are females (who have lots of single friends). If not for that, my weekends would be pretty boring.
Maybe that's it. There seem to be two cultures: the single, shallow, partying and bar-hopping culture, and the one for those married or raising kids: "I'm busy, I don't have time for friends anymore, I don't guess I need relationships anyway, I'll just live in my little cocoon." I'm in between: married (technically) but don't like to hang out in my cocoon or with married people (unless they're cool). I'm still my old self. I didn't just fall off the face of the planet when I got in this relationship (though it seemed like it during the long codependent phase - but that's over). But I don't drink and don't care to do the bar/club thing very much. Just because you're in a relationship shouldn't mean you can't hang out... well, you would think... I like the idea of fitting in with musicians. Someone you have something in common with, regardless of other life events. Notice how many responses this thread has accumulated, and how fast. Jeff has lots of sympathizers and empathizers. Of course, the fact that we're on here discussing this probably says something about us all.
I hear you...the bad thing is when you have mutual friends because they fell it puts them in the middle...The divorce thing does suck and if your lucky, you'll find someone who's cool with it and enjoys you for you... I tend to be a relationship guy, but things have changed so much since I was dating...I don't do the bar/club thing, I don't smoke or do drugs, I do enjoy a drink now and then...The woman I've dated since Oct. have been either way too dramatic, way to psycho, or just non committal...As for friends, I'm glad I have cousins in town or else I'd be SOL...
http://www.match.com I'm telling you...it works. Some may poo-poo it but I know of legit success stories from NORMAL people, not freaks. (Although I'm sure there are some freak success stories, too. Freaks deserve lovin' too.) At the very least get on there and look around. You can narrow down the search to chicks that DO have some of your interests and go from there. It's not that YOU aren't "fitting in". Maybe the people around you don't fit in with you.
I'm with you. I can't stand people who drink to get drunk every time they go out and end up making complete asses out of themselves that only another drunk person would find funny. I also think single people trying to be friends with married people is not a great place to be. I think single people would rather be hanging out with other single people who have similar interests...not someone tied down. But, unfortunately, that is the reality of adult life. Friends you grew up with or go to college with get married. Then, they sort of become semi-friends. So, you either get married or find some other full friends.
Then don't go out with drunk A-holes. We went out last Sat. with a group of 20 for a B-day party. About 5 didn't drink. They all called the girl that had the party the next day saying how much of a blast they had. If you can live life happily without drinking, why does it matter if some people are out drinking with you?
The answer is, at least in my case, these friends were not just drinking a few and hanging out. They were getting full out drunk to where talking to them was a challenge in mental r****dness. This wasn't casual drinking scenario friends. That, I could live with. This was college party mentality drinking to all hours of the morning even though college has long since been over.
Not a prob. I'm going to set up a ClutchFan's Golden Tee Tourney in a couple of weeks. Be on the lookout for it.
Yeah, I've done that on more than one occasion. My thing is my friends and I aren't mean drunks. But, yeah, we can get a little obnoxious on occasion. If it's the norm with them, then they're probably not the best people to be associated with. Exception to the rule!: If you really want to have fun, wait for one of the drunks to hit on someone. Then come behind them and tell them something to make him leave. Then say to the girl, "Don't mind him... my friend is a real a-hole."
As a perpetually single person, I can go either way with the social drinking. There are some times when I am willing to pound away until the entire world seems underwater and there are times when I have one drink and just stop. However, even though I obviously have no problem with drinking, I agree that it's very hard to hang out with people who are drinking when you are not. People who are drunk or even just a little buzzed are simply in a different cognitive state and sober people have trouble relating. It's more of a round peg-square hole issue than a matter of approving or disapproving of alcohol.
