I know someone who at times I find to be quite aggravating. He has a very quarrelsome and condescending attitude. I simply find it difficult to discuss or debate things with him because he has an attitude where if you don't exactly see things his way (which sometimes he himself is not even sure what that is!) it is just impossible to carry on without it becoming argumentative and confrontational-like. And he seems to use every opportunity to be condescending and patronizing, which seems to be he way of perhaps propping up his own ego. It is hard to describe exactly what I've experienced but for those who can relate, I wonder what is the best way to deal with such persons?
If you're not smart enough to figure out a way to deal with me by yourself, I suggest you leave me alone as you're clearly in over your head.
In dealing with large egos at work I have found "killing them with kindness" is the best method. If they see they do not get "under your skin"or "get a rise out of you" then their dynamic- method loses it's effect- impetus. I have had to deal with some real winners lately. Two of which are extremely intelligent, but with zero personality - people skills. The only way I can survive these inane - insulting conversations and keep them from turning into fist fights is to be very polite. I have actually imagined knocking one guy's-Duane's teeth out and see him spitting teeth out..The other I pictured choking and pistol whipping...I'm really not crazy, but I have had to endure a lot of time with these two and imagined this while I was really tired at the end of the day and witnessed them pointlessly browbeat two people in a progress meeting. Everyone else was shocked and I tried to diffuse the tension while they continued to waste time beating up a scheduler..... People fear them and they feed off the fear. You cannot motivate people effectively with fear.....It is morally wrong.. I was told yesterday that I might have to work with these two again soon -in May because no none else can stomach them. I politely replied that would be fine while I drove my truck out of the project site briefly and screamed my bloody head off. I like the work and almost everyone else I deal with. These two Jerks are like others you deal with in life. I do not have an answer, but I know confrontation usually feeds people like this, kindness is the only answer- it will drive them crazy if they cannot rattle you or intimidate you. Good luck and good sanity. Good Aerobic exercise helps me...
Sarcasm in quantities over time. When somebody revs me up, I bring em back down with laughter. Eventually they give up. I guess I have some insecurities from childhood.
End every one of his comebacks with: "...oh, yeah, I read that Hitler said that once..." or "... thank you, [insert popular Disney movie villain name here] from [Optional - insert popular Disney from villain film here]!" or "... thank you, Simon Cowell from American Idol" or "... thank YOU, Dr. Evil..." or "... thank you, Agent Smith..." or "... thank you, Joseph Mengele..." Mix it up... John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald come to mind... you can also mix and match girlie idols like Lizzie McGwire and My Little Pony... Find out before the conversation who he hates the most and make yourself sound like that person... irritate the crap out of him... I agree with swilkings, they do give up.
I simply find it difficult to discuss or debate things with him ... I would avoid debating said person like the plague. If they attempt to bate you into a debate, simply say that "I am not interested in debating this issue with you." Its a win-win. Debating is a waste of your time and won't end in consensus.
I do try to avoid arguing and debating issues with him. However it isn't quite as straightforward as it sounds. He sometimes raises points and expresses opinions with no prompting from me and usually in a patronising way thus making it hard to not try, even politely, to refute what I oftentimes consider partial if not complete BS. But it is a struggle to do so as he is quite stubborn and narrow-minded and getting him to give any ground takes enormous effort. He insists I don't "get it" or don't understand him or he meant something else or never meant to imply what I am pointing out when I try to politely point out areas where he might not be fully correct. Silence or passivitiy often feeds his ego but any attempt to politely express just a slightly differing POV means (IMHO often very unnecessary as we really do not even disagree all that much!) engaging in intense verbal tug-of-war. Recently, though, he expressed an opinion, out of the blue, on something he felt I should do. So I politely asked him, "Well why do you think this better than what I am doing now?" And he replied in a patronising, indignant manner that at first put me off-guard, "You idiot, you need me to tell you?" And when I replied, "Well I guess I need you to tell me", he was at a loss to explain, never really even attempted to do so and just became exacerbated and defensive! In the end he said some BS about how I should take his advice with a grain of salt and that I can follow his advice or do the opposite, thus ending the discussion without him yielding any ground or admitting he might not have known what he was talking about! Prior to this, although I still found him unpleasant at times, he sometimes made valid points, albeit with condescension, and I mostly submitted to him because his overbearing confidence in his POV. But after this, I realized the kind of person he truly was (that is someone with a big but fragile ego who likes to make himself feel good by putting others down) and was able to break free of his dominance. Probably what happens is that he either gets along with people because they "submit" to him, or he alienates and drives people away who are not as willing to "submit". I no longer submit to him like I used to but I still have to deal with him at times and have not yet quite figured out the best way.
Tell him to piss off, and to keep his condescending attitude and assinine opinions to himself. Unless he is your boss, if that is the case, tell his boss. DD
But it is a struggle to do so as he is quite stubborn and narrow-minded and getting him to give any ground takes enormous effort. This is your issue not his. Why does he need to give ground? It should be perfectly allright for this person to have the wrong opinion. Real Life (tm) is not like a sports bulletin board, ya know
Recently, though, he expressed an opinion, out of the blue, on something he felt I should do. My reply would been one of the following: "It is nice that you have an opinion." delivered with condescension. "I will take your input into serious consideration." delivered nonseriously upbeat "That's the best idea I have heard all day!" delivered with sarcasm "That's one heck of an idea you have there Bob. I will have to give it some thorough consideration." combines the above two "Frankly I find that completely apocryphal." delivered upbeat, hoping he has no idea what apocryphal means, btw I use this one all of the time at work "Paint it black, Bob. Paint. It. Black." delivered with mild annoyance
I respectfully disagree. I don't think that will help. There are seven leveRs of mind change. Reason Research Resonance Representational re-description Resources and rewards Real world events Resistences If you've tried them all and it doesn't work. I mean what can you do? Some people are dogmatic.
