Avoid cliche's such as 'time only heals' or 'move on'. If you're on a message board reaching out, it might be deeper or more serious than you realize. If its deep, see a therapist for a period. Everyone is different so nobody will be able to set your pace. Only you can do that.
I have a friend who is a divorce attorney and she says her first TWO meetings with anyone considering it is trying to talk them out of it, unless there is physical abuse involved. Just the money and suffering she sees are pretty substantial, with the split couple usually not ending up happier. Sad stuff. (I know, judge away: "I have a friend who is a divorce attorney.")
My brother did. It hit him hard, we talked a whole lot and he also went to therapy a few times. It wasn't a really contentious divorce, but the infidelity part of it was rough. The 2nd roughest thing, iirc, was negotiating joint custody of their dog. The 3rd was convincing her to take over the communal debt that she was truly responsible for (she had started a side business). One thing he did that he said really, really helped him mentally was exercising and getting outdoors more. He also said that some of the best advice I gave him was "you don't have to fall in love with the next girl you ****, or the one after that..."
I've only been married once and still am, as it's now going on 34 years. Still, I've been through 5 divorces. My parents divorced when I was little and then each parent subsequently divorced twice more and there is still time for me to notch a 6th. My advice from watching it up close is that once one partner makes the decision, that's it--accept it and move on as amicably as you can. Regrets, sadness? Sure, but there's always a lot of life in front of you. (I will say going through all of that was a great life lesson in that it taught me what not to do as a husband and father and sometimes that's better than having a positive role model.) Good luck to you.
Went through a nearly similar situation as you...just with actual kids involved. It was 2019 and we were close to our 18th anniversary and over 20 years together. Then, as we're making plans for my birthday, she told me pretty much exactly that. We had been on rocky ground for about 2 years, many issues that surfaced upon the death of my mom in 2018. From the moment she told me that, I went immediately into flight or flight. Weirdly, I went back and forth into both. We went to counseling but that didn't help. Some other things happened that drove the wedge more and more between us until I finally came to the realization that I was actually the cause of it all because I had been unhappy for a much longer time than I realized. If you want, PM me and I can go into more detail about it and what went down.
From experience, it will cost you about $1500 (that’s what it is in Tennessee). Look, life is too short to be stuck in an unhappy situation like a bad marriage. To me, when you are married, your spouse is supposed to complement you and make your life easier. My life was always way harder being married - that should tell you everything you need to know.
That’s a stupid reason to stay together. Yeah, it ain’t cheap…but it’s a f***ing miserable life trying to stay in a marriage that is beyond its expiration date.
Time to hit the gym and get in shape. A trip to Pattaya Thailand can also raise your T level too. Best of luck man.
Amen 100% - however I know plenty of people that stay in a bad marriage and are very unhappy. You have to grow a pair and cut the cord.
Well I am 50 years old and still living with my parents because she drained all of my finances - do you need to know more?
Sorry to hear that. I too am going through a divorce, we've been separated since October and have a 3 year old. It's been rough, the worst of it is not seeing my kid daily anymore. Trying to pull myself out of the "darkness" on weekends where I'm alone. Realized when we separated that I never spent any time on myself, socially etc outside of our family time since we moved to CTX. Everything I did was focused on the family...providing etc. Now I'm here at the tail end of my 30's trying to figure out what now....and where to begin to get back out into the world socially etc. Never thought I'd ever be in such a predictament in my life.... Sorry, not trying to hijack. Just want to say, stay strong. Going through it myself.
For you guys that got divorced, how much is divorce cost? Is child support expensive? Did you have to sell house?
Sorry to hear that. On a related issue this is also why it is important for men to develop their own social circles and friendships they go beyond just family and work. I was reading an article recently that there is an epidemic of loneliness among men and that 80% of suicides in the US now are male. Many men who have devoted their lives to family and work. when something like a divorce happens find themselves isolated with no social support to help them get through it.
I got divorced when I was in my mid twenties, hindsight shows I was way too young to make that choice. We didnt have kids and we got a mediator and we made a list of what each other got right down to our 2 dogs, that part was fairly simple. The emotional toll was huge, I went through all the grieving stages and landed on PISSED OFF at the end. I was to young to know what I really wanted and here I am 20 years later, single and happy........I realized marriage just wasnt for me, I am perfectly fine alone with my animals who dont whine or complain
