I feel guilty, she makes me feel guilty for driving her to this point. I treated her poorly, I really did. I was controlling, judging her for doing things she likes. Yeah I am a bad partner, but I never thought about breaking trust.
I basically was real depressed for awhile and didn't socialize much for like an entire year smh. I had a few friends I hung out with consistently but that was it (college age). What I should have done was focus on/find a hobby, work out/play sports (some activity) and try to increase my social network ASAP. It's funny cause like clockwork my ex called me crying begging me to take her back after a few months apart. She had started dating her now husband immediately after we broke up and said she regretted it and missed me. I said no lol but kinda funny that they're married now.
It was just a matter of time before she found someone else. Women are biologically wired to nest and seek security, meaning a 'better' mate. That may not have been the case in reality (this new person may treat her like ass and/or cheat) but that's her perception. Bro, it is OVER. Time to move on. Get on Tinder and get some rando hookups, even with 1s. Get it out of your system and get an ego boost.
The last thing bruh needs is to work and try to get into another relationship, he needs to get laid, get an ego boost and work on himself for a minute. Little victories.
Dude she's been banging the other dude. Open your eyes. It's not only "emotional" I'm going to give you tough love, which is what I wished someone had given me when I was going through this crap several years ago, stop being a whiny p***y as$ *****. She kept you around last 6 months in case it didn't workout with the coworker...open your eyes. Clean break, no contact no nothing. Focus on yourself, work, and getting $. Everything will work out eventually.
Focus on yourself, King! Get in shape, or in better shape. Upgrade the wardrobe. Invest in hair restoration if necessary. Really put some work into your social media image. Do things -- this very attractive to women. They want men who are active -- traveling, playing sports, developing hobbies, attending events, etc. This increases your desirability a lot. If you have to live beyond your means for a little bit, while you attract a girl/woman of high quality -- then do it. Now is the time to level up.
I've never had a break up where that **** didn't happen at least once or twice after the break up, no matter the reason for the break up or who initiated it. If you say no, you piss them off but you stop hearing from them and move on with your life, if you say yes, you get a bunch of temporary fun, but things almost always get SUPER sloppy. It's just best not to re-entangle lives that were ripped apart. The second split is always worse than the first.
I recommend you to read the way of the superior man. All you need to know about dating, money, and being alpha.
No reason to dwell on the past. It sucks now, but one day you will likely look back and be happy that the relationship didn't work.
It's happened to all of us. Take some time, get it together, then go out and have fun. Confidence is key. Do NOT fall in love with the first girl you ****. Or maybe even the third.
You may have drove her to break up with you, but you did not drive her to cheat on you. That was her bad choice, she should have broke up with you and then pursued other interests. You can't get time from the past back, so stop using your current time worrying about an unhealthy relationship that's over. Become a better person, respect yourself, respect your next partner. I've been married for 18 years, so I know everything Find someone that after the super fun stuff grows old, and you're wrinkly and old as F, you still pick them to go on adventures with. Finding someone you wont give up on when it gets hard is the key.
Don't feel guilty bro. We are all wired differently and we all need to take accountability for our actions. She cheated on you with another person, she needs to hold herself accountable for doing that to you. We all make mistakes, some can be repairable, others can't. Your actions and treatment of her could have forced her to break up with you, but cheating on you is not an acceptable way to cope with her lack of feelings towards you. If she was done with you, then she should of just said so and told you to **** off. It's ridiculous that she is trying to guilt you into it. It sounds like you have some **** you can work on yourself, which you seem to recognize, that's fine, just don't let her guilt you into ****. It's over. **** it. Move on and just work on enjoying your time off, your single life, etc.
The relationship is toast so harness that guilt to learn why you treated her poorly. Did you feel insecure that she could enjoy things outside of your level of comfort? Were you both going through the motions, but also afraid to expand your boundaries? Nothing can justify her cheating but it's fair game to understand why she cheated emotionally with her coworker rather than opening up to you. I'd set a limited window (week or less) to allow yourself some introspection and just recognize some things for future relationships whenever it happens. That time is separate from hardcore drinking and coping (drinking/abuse extends that process as uncomfortable truths are drowned away). It's more like taking a long dump so that you can reach some closure even while you're hung up emotionally. You found some things you could improve towards that have made the other feel shitty and that you later felt guilty. You don't have to correct it while you're still raw, but revealing it will help you walk less in circles (guilt spiral) as you recover. I suspect you're as controlling on your own actions if you impose a standard you admit as harsh on your partner, so the guilt spiral is as vicious or more when focused internally in this moment of loss. Which is a terrible standard as even criminals get punished far less often (once upon conviction) than what your mind is going through as you rethink the past. I had some relationships where things felt too good to be true, and I unknowingly made dumb tests to see if things were genuine. We're all broken at some time or another. I guess it's part of the process?
