Official Republican National Convention Schedule

Official Republican National Convention Schedule

6:00 pm  Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 pm  Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 pm  Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd and 9th amendments)
6:45 pm  Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 pm  Seminar #1: Getting your Kid a Military Deferment (presented by Donald Rumsfeld)
7:30 pm  First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 pm  Serving of Freedom Fries
7:40 pm  EPA Address #1: "Mercury, it's what's for dinner"
8:00 pm  Vote on which country(s) to invade next
8:10 pm  Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 pm  John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos are after your children"
8:30 pm  Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 pm  Seminar #2: CorporationsThe Government of the Future
9:00 pm  Condi Rice and Collin Powell tap dance the Shim-Sham Shimmy
9:05 pm  Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 pm  EPA Address #2: TreesThe Real Cause of Forest Fires

9:30 pm  Break for secret meetings

10:00 pm  Second prayer led by Rev. Billy Graham
10:30 pm  Anne Coulter lecture: How Michael Moore is Perverting the 1st Amendment
10:35 pm  The Bush daughters make public service announcement urging teenagers to "Just Say No".
10:40 pm  Posthumous awarding of Lifetime Achievement Award in Bigotry and Hypocrisy to Strom Thurmond.
10:45 pm  Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:45:15 pm  Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 pm  Seminar #3: EducationA Drain on our Nation's Economy.
11:10 pm  Hilary Clinton Piqata unveiled
11:20 pm  John Ashcroft vows to replace Bill of Rights with the Ten Commandments
11:30 pm  Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 pm  Blame Bill Clinton (for everything)
11:40 pm  Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 pm  Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
11: 55 pm  Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

 

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