ITEM NUMBER ONE – Enough It is my opinion that dolls should not come to life. This kind of thing happens a lot in movies and I hate it every time. It is very creepy. If I am ever in a room with a doll and the doll looks at me and blinks, I can assure you at least one of us will not be in that room about five seconds after that happens, either because I have fled in terror or because I have heaved it out of a window or both. I do not even super enjoy dolls that are not alive but look lifelike. I do not like their faces and eyes. Why are their eyelashes so long? It’s not right. Perhaps this “no living dolls” stance might seem at odds with my noted pro-Muppet position. I can see you sitting there right now cranking away on this one. “But Brian, aren’t the Muppets kind of like dolls that can walk and talk? How is that different?” Well, first of all, how dare you? The Muppets are not weird humanoid dolls with porcelain skin that gain sentience and a sudden thirst for blood. They are plushy goofballs who, as far as I am concerned, have always been alive. And they do not commit murders. I’m mad you even brought this up. Come on. But yes, creepy dolls are back in the news, as they often are in spooky season, thanks to the trailer for the upcoming movie M3GAN, which took the whole damn internet by storm this week. Some thoughts: No I hate it I hope someone smashes it with a hammer Maybe I’ll feel better about it after I read the description, though. Maybe it’s not as bad as it looks. Gemma (Allison Williams), a brilliant roboticist at a toy company, uses artificial intelligence to develop M3GAN: Model 3 Generative Android a life-like doll programmed to be a child’s greatest companion and a parent’s greatest ally. After unexpectedly gaining custody of her orphaned niece Katie, Gemma enlists the help of the M3GAN prototype – a decision that has horrific consequences. Jesus Christ, Gemma. Get it together. Watch one movie. This was all easily avoidable. Have you not seen Chucky? Have you not seen any other movie where some android gets half its face blown off and then turns its mangled undead head towards its assailant and stares sometimes literal lasers out of its exposed glowing red eye? It’s madness. Any good neighbor would have seen you unloading this doll out of your car and hopped in your driver’s seat and backed over it for your own good. Lots of people are at fault here. I mentioned all of this earlier this week and a buddy of mine, Matt, made an excellent point: You rarely see movies like this set in Philadelphia. And there’s a good reason for that, which I say mostly as an excuse to remind everyone about the HitchBOT thing, which was written up by the New York Times under one of my favorite headlines ever: “Hitchhiking Robot, Safe in Several Countries, Meets Its End in Philadelphia.” Good. Yes, sure, it was a friendly little thing at the time. A sweet little way to bring people together. But that’s how it starts. One day someone was going to look in the rearview mirror and that thing was going to sneer at them and try to strangle them with the seatbelt. You can’t be too careful with these things. In conclusion, M3GAN should have been a very short movie that ended like this. Thank you and Go Birds. https://uproxx.com/movies/m3gan-doll-creepy-no/
I didn't read this post. Too many words. Did you write it or copy and paste it? So well formatted. Curious if you wrote a thesis on this movie but I'm not reading all that.
