As I have no where else to really discuss this and/or get information on this subject, I come here and hope that some of you out there can give me guidance/advice/prayers. I have a 16 soon to be 17 year old brother that lives in Houston with my Mom and his Dad. His dad is a very awful person to be around. He shows no love, no attention, not much in the way of guidance, etc. I think that his dad means well but does not have the proper parenting skills. Anyway, I saw him last in February of this year and he weighed probably around 185. He is probably 5'10" He came out to see us yesterday and he has lost a dramatic amount of weight. At least 40 lbs. I do not think that he is on drugs but I also do not count it out. I talked with my mom and his dad and they say he never eats. I fear that he is anorexic. I am seriously worried and scared for him and feel like something needs to be done NOW!! I have talked with my mom again today and we are discussing the possibility of him completing his senior year here with us in Charlotte but havent discussed it thoroughly or with my bro. My initial instinct is to get him to a doctor for a full medical checkup/drug testing and immediately into counseling. Does anyone here have any other advice, experiences, and/or suggestions?? Thank you in advance.
Damn man, that sucks. I actually had a classmate in high school (male) that was anorexic. He had always been really concerned with his looks and you could tell he had trouble fitting in. I didn't really hang out with him much at that point, but he lost a ton of weight over about a year period and looked really unhealthy. I heard eventually that his parents had to put him in a treatement facility for his eating disorder. As for the drug thing, yeah thats also a possibility. Speaking from past personal experience, you can lose weight rather quickly depending on what you're mixed up in. 40 pounds in only a couple months though does seem really dramatic if it is a drug problem. My advice would be to just try to talk to him about his life and maybe from that you can get a better feel of what is really going on. Good luck..
I think you are on the right track with the full medical exam w/ drug screen/conseling, if he is on speed (meth) then a 40 lb drop in a few months isn't extraordinary depression can also cause dramatic weight changes have you had a heart to heart with him and plain asked him wtf ? also, he should be included in the discussion about his future, I wouldn't think a 16-17 year old would react too favorably to his life being dictated behind his back
I talked with him briefly yesterday about him being really thin. I told him that I thought he looked unhealthy and that I was pretty concerned. I didnt want to push too hard and mostly wanted to perhaps open up some dialog about the subject hoping to talk with him further later. I wanted to talk with my mom and his dad and discuss the situation fully with my wife before we discussed very much further with him. After talking with my wife, we are both fully prepared to take on the responsibility if that is what is necessary. I mostly wanted to get a game plan before proceeding further. I intend on having a more in depth talk with him when I get home from work today and seeing what he wants.
My youngest brother was battling some serious depression and other personal issues and made a suicide attempt when he was living with our mother. He didn't want to live with our father so he came to stay with us for his senior year in high school. In his case, I think that was a good decision. He is now going into his second year at U of H (and living on campus). He still struggles with various personal issues, of course. But he isn't depressed anymore and seems much better. However, I don't think it is an arrangement that should be undertaken lightly. I found it rather draining to be a "parent" of a teenager and it changes the dynamic between you. Not to mention being financially tricky. We spent a lot of time trying to figure out the best schooling option for him and trying to help him get plugged in and I don't know how soccer moms can stand the traffic. As Chump said, you need to talk to him. One of the main reasons why my brother came to live with us is that I had lightly suggested he come to stay some time earlier (I think I was thinking of a short-term visit) and he took that as an open invitation to live with us. Some negatives to consider: it may strain your relationship with your mother, she may start to feel like an inadequate parent, your brother may feel encouraged to disrespect his parents, it will probably change your relationship with your brother, he will probably lose a lot of close friends, he will probably distrust you somewhat for making him take a drug test, he probably has a great many problems that will follow him to Charlotte.
Thanks for the post. We have two kids already and so we are already accustomed to the life as parents and we would go into this knowing that it will not be short term visit. As far as the relationship with my mom, he is not my mother's child but has raised him from an infant. She think that this would be the best situation as the relationship between my brother (he is my step brother but the only sibling I have ever really known) and his dad is so strained. I really dont care if his dad is upset or not but I prefer that he is not. We have never really had any type of a relationship other than a strained one so not much would be different there. I would be concerned about him not trusting me as much and our relationship changing but that would probably be the way it would have to be. Being a parent is not easy by any means but if it will make him well then that is the price I have to pay. I think in the long run it that would be repaired. I think because he looks up to me and I respect him and his opinion he would respect our wishes and rules. I at least hope so.
I hate to break it to you, but... If he's 17 years old, 5' 10" and 145 lbs, he's is in a normal weight. When he weighed 185, he was overweight. http://www.halls.md/body-mass-index/av.htm -- droxford
I am 6'0" and 225 lbs and it says I am obese. I guarantee you that I am not obese. I also guarantee you that he is an unhealthy weight. I am just guessing his height compared to me. Everyone has a different frame and we both have big frames. When he was 185 he could have lost maybe 10 lbs. He looks terrible. My daughter was scared of him when she first saw him.
yes and no. Some people are just naturally overweight - not insanely obese, but just overweight. I was always 20 pounds overweight until I hit college and stopped eating 3 meals a day. But in any case, the focus isn't on whether or not he's overweight or underweight, it's on the dramatic weight loss in a few months, which is indicative of a change in lifestyle. And that's a very understandable concern.
Drugs, eating disorders, depression, cancer...all of those can cause a dramatic drop in weight. None of them are good. Get the dude checked out.
You lost sight of the fact that he lost ~40lbs in about 4 months. It may be nothing other than his body still changing. Was he 5'10" when you saw him in February? Is he working out or being more athletic than he was a few months ago?
Yeah he was the same height back in February. He started running 20-30 minutes several days a week. My mom says he eats virtually nothing and my wife has said he hasnt eaten much since being here. We had a talk last night and I told him my concerns and that I had talked with my mom about him. We talked about things at home and his relationship with his dad. I said that he has the option of coming and staying with us. Of course this is contingent on his dad agreeing and my mom is already starting to lay the foundation for that.
BMI is actually not quite BS. It correlates very well with all the medical conditions associated with obesity (i.e., diabetes, cardio disease, hypertension, gallstones, sleep apnea, some cancers - you get the picture). A BMI>30 is considered obese with a BMI over 40 severe obesity. You should also check out not just the BMI number but percentile for your age group. As people age, their BMI naturally goes up (you want to aim around 50% or lower for your age and gender). Also, if you are an athlete or lift a lot of weights, BMI is actually closer to BS. BMI assumes a normal person (i.e., not an athlete with only 6% body fat). But for someone who loses 40lbs in 4 months is a bit much especially if this is coupled with possible other causes. The fact that he "eats virtually nothing" and started running a lot could be a sign of an eating disorder or other complex situation. It has that classic textbook like case beginning. Master Baiter, I am glad that you are taking it upon yourself to look after him. It seems like he might need some help. Good luck.
i think he just likes a girl and wants to lose weight .... and also hes groing up so hes watching out for himself more....i use to weigh like 230lbs when i was 16 and i was 6 feet tall but then i lost like 40lbs in like 1 and a half month...
