In D&D someone started a thread about Autistic kids and at an Easter party yesterday was talking to a 14 year old who likely is on the Autism spectrum. That thread got me thinking about that kid who is14 and another 14 year old boy that I know and how different kids are at that age. I'm not a parent but deal with kids in my family and from teaching martial arts. In one of my adult classes one of the students is 14. Looking at him though you would think he was 17 or 18. He's already about 6' tall and is a good athlete doing both Judo and wrestling. He also carries himself well and seems much more mature than his years. He's the type of kid who coaches love to have. Someone who works hard, wants to be better, but also takes criticism well. Contrast him with this kid I met last night. When I first saw him I thought he was a bigger 10 year old. He seems awkward and was way more interested in the Easter Egg hunt than someone in their mid teens might be. Talking to him he's one of those kids who doesn't make good eye contact, has verbal and physical ticks and while he will talk to tends to steer the conversation towards things he likes like Anime. His mom told me he is a freshman in high school and has been getting bullied. When she found out I taught martial arts she wanted me to talk to him and see if I could teach him. I did and showed him some simple stuff in the backyard. He seemed interested but also uneasy and like I said would shift the conversation over to things like Anime. I can see why he would get bullied in school as both a smaller and slightly built boy who is both nerdy but very socially awkward. It's almost hard to believe that this kid and my student are both 14 year old boys. I am still willing to train this kid and if he is Autistic am certainly willing to work with him. I'm a firm believer that everyone should do martial arts and this kid might need it much more than my current student. I've also taught students who were on the Autism spectrum and many students who were small and less physically built. Most of them have been college students so they were already in their late teens and 20's. For this kid though I would either have to convince his mom to enroll him at one of the dojos that I teach at and I might want to put him with the adults so he doesn't get teased more from other kids but would be facing a much larger physical disparity or would have to take him on for private lessons. Either way will have to make a lot of adjustments and think about how I reach this kid. Posting this as both some morning ramblings but also I'm curious about the parents, teachers and coaches out there about what has been your experience with younger teens and how to deal with differences in development.
Youngest is on the Spectrum. Anxiety. Fully functioning, but emotional development is a few years behind. He is now 19, but emotional is probably 16/17. Intelligent. Has had a retail job for about 6 months after job placement at a church. Both are job training. He will be fine, loves being on the computer...playing games/chatting online. He has grown out of much of the awkwardness, certain things are still there. Never had verbal or physical ticks...although doesn't like to be touched too much except by Mom. He will keep growing out of some of the little things he still has. The Spectrum is wide, kids can be severe or fully functioning. It is really getting to know the child to best understand what the best approach in helping the child.
I remember being 14 at the YMCA with a friend, he wanted to go into the daycare room to say high to a friend working in there. While we're in there a mom walks in with her son, I'm imagining picking up a younger sibling, nope. She was dropping him off while she worked out, I asked the guy who worked there how old he was and he told us the kid was 13. At 13 I was taking metros all across the city to get where I wanted, going to concerts, I was sexually active, my friends were doing drugs, and I found myself looking at a person my age being put into a kiddy daycare instead of doing a workout or playing a sport like all the other kids. My mind was blown, now being older I realize I developed a bit early, people have vastly different experiences in life.
Age between 10-14 is very different for different kids. You’re transitioning from child to teen and some still act childish while others are more mature and acting older. Unfortunately peer pressure tends to push kids to act older than they are ready to. As one of the earlier posters mentioned some of the more mature kids are involved in drugs, sex, etc so not sure why acting older is seen automatically as better. Whenever I hear people complain about teens trick or treating I ask if they would prefer them to be out drinking at a party instead? I wouldn’t look down on the kid for being interested in the egg hunt. A whole let better than what a lot of 14 yo are getting into. Point is kids develop differently at 14 just like they learn to walk, talk, potty train, etc at different developmental ages as well. I’d be more concerned about the kid’s ability to be resilient and overcome the bullying. Maybe working out and getting stronger will give him confidence. Maybe he just needs to find his tribe of friends that have similar interests.
Great. Maybe using this aspect of your knowledge can be one of the ways to connect with him on his level when you interact with him.
That might be possible but that’s a 30 year old Anime. I’m not much in current anime and which series he’s into.
Talked to the kid's mom and she said he's really excited about doing martial arts but thinks he might be better in an adults class as he has some problems getting along with other kids.
At what point did you guys notice these cues, and when was he diagnosed? Just curious. Kids are so different. It's crazy. It's a wild ride - navigating the river that is raising kids.
Can't really diagnose for sure. But often people on the spectrum are often obsessed and know tons of things and detailed information about one or two subjects. Those topics might change over time. They of course have problems with social cues. A lot of the time they don't understand idioms or things that aren't literal. Touch is often especially overwhelming for for them. Same with sounds, and some sights. Sometimes it's like they take in EVERYTHING about a sound or touch at one time and it just severely overwhelms them. That's why they sometimes spin or flap their arms because it helps them take things in a little more accessible. Often they will try and use the sense of smell as that doesn't overwhelm them as often. The thing about social cues is that it goes both ways. Not only do they have difficulty reading them from others, they often don't understand how their own actions, words, and faces will be received. They understand that they aren't the same. Others that don't understand Autism will of course treat them differently and often in hurtful ways. Children on the spectrum understand they are being treated differently and sometimes cruelly, but they aren't certain why or what can be done about it. This often leads to to other behaviors which may also be different because of their Autism.
Might degrade the experience for your adult customers though, depending on his personality. My son does fencing and his salle combined all the kids and adults during the pandemic because they'd lost customers. And it's worked out well for him. While he's had some combative relationships with other kids near his age, he's gotten along pretty well with the adults. Being able to spar with adults has probably made him better. And, he's had to act more mature to fit in. Of course, fencing is a sport that does not greatly reward size and strength.
What does his mom think about her son being the topic of discussion in a thread on a Houston Rockets fan site?
Whoever reads this tell your kids that you have to be nice to kids that struggle with being social. If every damn parent did that it would make the world a hell of a lot better.
My son 12 the past two years has been in hitting groups with older Junior High to Senior in HS kids, he thoroughly enjoys it. At first he was pretty intimated due to the older kids size but he quickly fell into the group. One thing that came from it is he has learned the art of smack talk, to some extent in that he can be downright nasty when he thinks he is burning someone and getting him to realize when your being an ahole or funny is a line he still needs to master.
