OK, when I'm doing briefings for crews, I usually start out with a quick joke or witty observation, go to the needed info, and close with a safety message. Problem is, I'm starting to recycle my best joke material. One guy came up to me before and said he'd heard that one from me at least twice before. So, I need new jokes... They have to be short (30 seconds or less, preferably) and clean (no sex, though double entendres may be OK). They cannot offend ethnic groups, though geographic groups are OK (such as Californians, New Yorkers, or even Texans). In short, if it's OK to post on this board, there's a good chance it'll be Ok for me to tell a bunch of firefighters. Thanks folks.
Here are some stolen jokes: A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant." --------------------------------------- Having insurance, she requested the cost for each of the brains. The firefighter's brain was $10,000, the captain's brain was $50,000 and the chief's brain was a MILLION DOLLARS ! Curious, she asked why the chief's brain was so much more expensive. The reply......you see the chief's brain has never been used!!!! -------------------------------------------------------------- The volunteer fire chief was preoccupied as to how, after the monthly fish fry, he was going to ask the town folks to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the firehouse. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular band had cancelled and a substitute had been brought in. The new band asked what music they should play. "There's folks who like the oldies," replied the chief, "but you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." After dinner, everyone was sitting waiting for the monthly report, when the chief went to the microphone. "Fellow citizens, we have a problem. The station repairs will cost twice as much as we expected, and we need an extra $4,000. Any of you who can pledge an extra $100 or more, please stand up." With that, the substitute organist launched into "The Star-Spangled Banner." That's how they became the regular band! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ You might be a redneck firefighter if? You used your rescue air bags as furniture at the fire station. You have to mark the department out of service two weeks during deer season and every Sunday during the Winston Cup Race. You count reading fire magazines in the bathroom as training hours. Your last four fire department raffles were for a shotgun...and a member won it each time.Your last serious fire was your fire department BBQ.You borrowed the fire truck to use the spotlights for deer hunting ------------------------------------------------ If you want an orginal joke: Think olympic flame Water fights Flaming Moe
What did the Buhdist say to the Hot Dog salesman? Make me one with everything What would Elvis say if he were alive today? Hey, let me out of this coffin
What's brown and sticky? .... A stick! That would get you off to a good start with the crews. I chose that one because of the outdoor nature of your work. You're welcome. No, really.
How do you catch a unique rabbit? .... Unique up on it! How do you catch a tame rabbit? .... Tame way. Unique up on it! A man walks into a bar....... ouch!
start off with a little: whats the difference between a plastic bag and michael jackson -- one is a harm to children, and the other just holds groceries. and then end with a: what's the difference between michael jackson and a firefighter -- one saves lives while the other rapes young boys. yeah, should get some laughs -- cuz it's an unexpected punchline.
why did the turtle cross the road? to get to the shell station. knock knock. who's there? madam. madam who? i slammed madam finger in the door. many more and probably better jokes than I have.
My Father once walked in my bedroom and said " son if you keep doing that you'll go blind" I said , Dad I'm over here
Speaking of Michael Jackson jokes, here is one i heard from George Lopez: "What do Michael Jackson and Target have in common?" They both have boys underware half-off.
