Some people never learn. You've been collecting dating advice for years, bud. Use it! https://bbs.clutchfans.net/threads/appropriate-normal-age-difference-for-dating.303104/ https://bbs.clutchfans.net/threads/need-some-advice-should-i-ask-this-girl-out.282222/ https://bbs.clutchfans.net/threads/neer-some-dating-advice-from-fellow-christians.267785/
Fair enough, I’m in my own head with this crap all the time. fwiw, all of those ended for various reasons. None of which was as big of a deal as I make it seem. I just like to see what other people have to say.
I don't see an issue with going out with the girl. Either "Tom" gets over it or he doesn't. You are way overthinking this. Girl may not even be into you, but I sure as hell wouldn't pass up the possibility to at least explore the opportunity. If Tom has been long time friends with her and hasn't landed her at this point then he is never going to land her.
Oh yeah, OP you prob have a mindset for reliving bad experiences and any warning sign triggers doubt and indecision in your head. That second girl was testing you and wanted to tease out your feelings of whether you were serious or not. You were going to move away so she wanted to see if you were serious and what you'd do to bridge the gap. She wanted you to speak, confess, and confirm that you were feeling what she was feeling. Somewhat cheesy and Hollywood but also direct and courageous. Lesson learned. When in doubt, think more with your heart than your head. Obviously your head has got PTSD from past bad experiences (you even admit that here). Christian schools romanticize and put a lot of weight (and guilt) into finding The One. That's just crushing your confidence as you move along life. Soul mates are half BS and half effort. People rarely mesh so well with living with others and those who claim they do are likely more forgiving and have edited out the rough patches in their memories. Look less to the sky and more on the ground when looking for someone in the other half of the population. Because I think you've already come up with foregone conclusions before even posting on here. Just take her out, know her more and let go of that heavy rock you're carrying in your soul for one brief moment. She might not be it. Or next month your heart finds a new part of her that tells you she is. God might have a path set for you, but it's highly unlikely that it matches up the images you've cooked up in your head.
I’ve definitely seen all I need to see. Thanks for all the helpful comments, and some of the funny ones roasting me… I appreciate all of them. I’m going to try and not worry about this and just see what happens. Is there a mod that can lock this thread? After reading “some” of those old threads, most of which I forgot about. I just want to end this here, don’t want to read any more comments. Realizing I might be more screwed up in the head than I realized lol
If you feel strongly enough you should at least make it known to her on some level. If she is interested she might then provide some indication. You could say something to tom like 'i know you like her .I like her too..everyone likes her and wants her' so it's sorta a nice way of publicizing you would too if had a chance. Then it can be left to her. If it turns out her and Tom are a deal then good for him but he doesn't own the rights to her.. I had a friend that used to claim women early. He even did this with strippers. Then he would get jealous if you talked to them or anything. My advice in general is to go for attractive women that are into you. This is very important in my opinion from a ' marriage worthy' perspective.. I spent a LOT of time in relationships and chasing supermodels that weren't that into me. On occasion I would land one and that was hot but then it was mostly me trying to please a pissed off supermodel. Me more into her than me. And all through that it turns out there were some girls that were super hot but because they liked me too easily or maybe they made a weird attempt at showing me some interest.. I saw them as ' too interested' or 'too nice' And even though they are hot as hell I found any reason to make it a no. So dumb. I bet you anything there are a whole slew of wife worthy women in your life but you are choosing to chase some ideal.. and even if you get it what are you going to do when she's not that into you? If I started boning kate beckinsake or whatever her name is I'd be all about it wondering what shes doing ..up all night jealous.. when the reality is I need her to come to me for beckinsakes!! I'm not saying settle either but I feel bad for dudes with hot wife's that don't give a hoot about their man since they have or perceive to have a golden p***y. That is the toughest life ever since the old adage of 'happy wife happy life' ... Imagine being married to a hot wife that is mad and pissed always ? And not that into you? Ouch i guess if she's hot maybe.. but that other adage o 'no matter how good she looks - someone somewhere is tired of her ****' It rings true So at least if she's hot , AND into you that is something you can work with.. In this case you tell the tom dude in a casual way 'if she likes me I totally would man.. I know you are into her.. and Im not trying to get in your sh*it but if she was into any dude they should go for it ..I think she's great' and leave it at that. Also you are saying these people are all so young at I consider 27 and 22 pretty much the same in many ways so this age stuff means little. My wife is 5 years younger than me. Your pool is like 20- 35 At the end of the day it's on this girl and you can put it out there in a way that isn't rude yet not missing the opportunity. Bonus advice is marry and long term hot women that are into you. Selfishly ( I know this sounds kinda terrible since it's not even looks or intelligence .and I don't mean it in a sexist or msygnotic way) but their most important trait is how into YOU they are. think about that for a second.
Definitely should never have asked. But it doesn't matter now. Either make a move or move on. Flip a coin if you have to.
If this chick is the one, trust me...in a couple years this thing with Tom will not matter. If she's not, trust me...in a couple years this thing with Tom will not matter. Don't sweat it. Go for it. You can't live your life for others.
You asked him a question. Nobody put a pistol to your head and forced you to do this. Now you don't like his reply to your question? You say he's like a "little brother to you". Well why would you want to c@$k block your "little brother"? He did say to you that he didn't think she would go for him. Ok, it's time to find out. If he's truly interested in her than he needs to make his move (and now). This needs to be conveyed to him. You were straight up with him and asked him if he was interested, but that you're interested in her as well, but out of respect to him you're giving him the first attempt. You'll give him two weeks to ask her out. If he can't step up to the plate and ask her out he's not really interested. He just doesn't want you with her which is total BS. Either they hit it off and start dating (which would mean you need to back off and respect their relationship) or, like he initially thought, she's not interested in him, at which point you are free to find out if she would be interested in you. I also have to say, you're 28 yrs old and having a hard time meeting good girls (attractive, church going, etc etc)? Someone is doing something wrong and is clueless with women and thus tells me even if this 23 yr old girl you like would be interested in you that you more than likely would blow it anyway. Just my two cents.
Send her a gift from Tom. The gift will have nude pics and p*rn. See her reaction. this could backfire and get Tom laid.
This. Let me lay it on you, youngblood: You can't be happy with a partner unless you're truly happy with yourself. Your relationships will continue to fail because you don't have the life experience, maturity and confidence yet to see them through. It's sort of like driving at high speed in Houston. If you crack, you're gonna get rekt. Cooler heads always prevail. Focus on building yourself first. Fitness, health, self-actualization. STOP putting that p***y on a pedestal. **** women left and right. Protip: Looks only get you in the door, and based on your threads, that's not a problem. Women like confidence, cockyness. You could be a 2 and get 10s all day with the right attitude. See The Latter Theory. Once you've figured out how to meet and confidently talk to women, and worked on your self, you're ready for a serious relationship. ABC- always be closing. Keep an eye out for the good ones but keep tapping them. It's part of growing up. If you see a good one, don't screw it up with your insecurities, but ease off the ******* throttle a little to see if she can handle it. Worst case scenario, you're going to get laid. Rinse, repeat. As for your original question: Tom's a child. Stop treating him as an equal, because you clearly don't see the 'kid' as such. You can respect people who are your inferiors. Make him your lackey if he follows you around. Forget the girl. Don't **** where you eat, meaning, she travels in the same group of people you do. It will only end in drama.
In hs I really really liked this girl. A good friend of mine basically told me he was going for her and I said nothing. I was always bitter about it. Not at him but at me for not making the attempt to talk to her. Tom needs to give it a shot and if she turns him down, it wasn’t meant to he. But he does not own her anymore than i owned that girl in high school. tell Tom to talk to the girl or get over it because you’re going for it. you don’t want to be 34 and single
I stopped reading when you showed yourself and asked for the thread to be closed. No offense, but this "nice guy" talk sounds like code for "p***y". Go after what you want in life. You don't need anyone's permission. Not God's. Not anybody's. The truth of the matter is, she's probably not into you. That's okay. But if you think she's worth it, try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Take care of yourself and stop overthinking things. If your best self isn't good enough for someone, find someone else. It's really not that hard. There's someone for everyone. Just go meet some people. Date a few... Be kind, be confident in yourself. You'll get there. Enjoy the journey.
Sorry . . .you f*cked this one Move on It's not about her .. . its not about tom . . .its about you I doubt you You should not have asked, , ,you are right in that better to ask forgiveness than permission Honestly . . . .. how cool are you and Tom Are you good with him hating your very soul and wishing you dead in a ditch? LOL. . . not that he would do it but .. . are you ok with being HATED and if it does not work out . . . .. what then Hell SHE might diss you because her and Tom are cool now you and him aren't Nah . . . leave it be. . . lesson learned . . . move on Rocket River
The alternatives are 1. Get Tom some P**** of his own to worry about 2. You and Tom try to hook up that 3 way high way 3. F*ck Tom .. do what you want and live with the heat The question is seriously this: Do you want the girl . . .or to maintain your COOL BRO position? Rocket River
Here’s the first problem…both of you are acting like it’s a choice between you two. With how timid, beta (I hate this word I know..) she wouldn’t go for either of you Man up and get some
