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Very, very OT: Could use some advice

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by JMAD21, Aug 18, 2021.

  1. JMAD21

    JMAD21 Member

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    This seems absolutely silly to post on a message board about but I’m currently in a situation that I’ve never been in before and I’m curious to see what others would do in this situation.


    I’m 28. For those that don’t know, this is pretty much the worst age to be at if you’re single and still have fairly high standards. Most the girls I meet that are my age are married/in a long term relationship, or I’m not interested in them. So it’s rare that I meet someone in my age range (23-30) that is available and also someone I find attractive. And I don’t just mean physically. I know I’m not a 10 so I don’t only pursue 10’s. For whatever reason, I’ve found it really difficult to meet women that I could see myself with, especially into my late 20’s.


    Having said that, I met a girl (23), that is very much the kind of girl I would go for. I don’t know her very well yet, but she seems cool. Still in college but very mature. Goes to church which is important to me. All good things. Here’s where it gets complicated and I have no idea what I should do…


    One of my coworkers, let’s call him Tom, has known this girl for a lot longer than I have. They went to high school together, he’s a bit younger though (21). Tom is a great kid. Works really hard, not the brightest bulb, but I consider him a friend, almost like a little brother, and it’s obvious that, for some reason, he looks up to me. Tom has had as bad if not worse luck with relationships than I have lol. I knew that Tom was friends with this girl, but he’s pretty open with me about his personal life and had never mentioned this girl in any kind of romantic way. However, I wanted to make sure they weren’t involved before I asked this girl if she wanted to hang out (I immediately regretted this). So I texted Tom about it today, thinking it would be a formality. Turns out Tom “is interested but thinks she would never go for him. However, he would feel really weird if I started hanging out with her.”


    Deep down I’d like to tell Tom to grow up and get over it. But I made the mistake of asking, basically, for his permission. My job is very much a family atmosphere, I work closely with Tom everyday, and like I said he’s a good kid that is like everyone’s little brother. If I ignore his request, I’m being a jerk, and I’d genuinely feel bad. If I back off like he wants, I’m letting a 21 year old kid dictate my personal life… I think it’s pretty unfair of him to put me in this position. But I don’t want to hurt the kid, so I don’t know what to do!


    Obviously I should have never said anything to him, waited to see where things lead and if it turns serious then it’s a different conversation. Also, there’s no guarantee that she would even be interested me, but now I’m in a position to where I might not even get to find out.

    Any advice? Lol
     
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  2. ThatBoyNick

    ThatBoyNick Member

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    You and tom should date eachother
     
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  3. RedRedemption

    RedRedemption Contributing Member

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    Tom is being an *******, if he's not romantically involved then he has no right.
     
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  4. JMAD21

    JMAD21 Member

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    Knew these jokes were coming… lol
     
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  5. ThatBoyNick

    ThatBoyNick Member

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    Send tom a pic of you grabbing a hand full of her ass with the caption "you wouldn't even know what to do with this"
     
  6. KingCheetah

    KingCheetah Contributing Member

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    It's the only way.
     
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  7. JMAD21

    JMAD21 Member

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    Agreed. But the fact that I asked his opinion has me between a rock and a hard place…

    Should have kept my mouth shut.
     
    #7 JMAD21, Aug 18, 2021
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2021
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  8. jo mama

    jo mama Contributing Member

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    normally i would ignore what he said and go for it with the girl. but since you work with him (or similarly, if it was a friend) you should handle things a little differently.

    what is their history? is there one? if not then its none of his business and you owe him nothing. if there was a situation where he put himself out there and got rejected i could see how it would be weird if you started going out with her. in that case just be straight with the guy and say you are interested and you want to ask her out. you werent really asking for his permission, but rather just wanted to let him know. you dont want him to feel weird, but if he does that is just something he will have to deal with or get over. hes 21 which is young, but theres still no need for him to be a little b**** about it.

    if you tell him you like the girl and want to ask her out then you have done the right thing. a courtesy heads-up is an acceptable and gentlemanly bro-move. beyond that, any issues he has are on him. and if he really was your friend then he wouldnt be trying to c***block you!

    plus, no 23 year old girl is going to want to date a 21 year old guy who isnt the brightest bulb! i bet she wants a mature 28 year old.
     
  9. jo mama

    jo mama Contributing Member

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    you dont date friends exes, but this doesnt sound like that. i think you can proceed guilt free.
     
  10. Astrodome

    Astrodome Member
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    Spend the night with her. This may be much ado about nothing.
     
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  11. JMAD21

    JMAD21 Member

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    I’m not sure what the history is. I know they are friends and they went to high school together and they’ve gone to church together for a long time. Honestly, they’ve had plenty of chances to be more and they’re not. So I don’t think there’s much there on her end… The part that makes me wish I wasn’t the nice guy is that I know for a fact that Tom has been involved with other girls fairly recently. If he’s head over heels for this girl, okay I’ll back off. But it seems to me like he’s just being really immature about it. Which, again makes me seriously regret mentioning it to him. Cause I know him and I know he’s immature lol.
     
  12. JMAD21

    JMAD21 Member

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    I mean, full disclosure I don’t know that she’d be interested in me… I’m just fairly confident she’s not interested in him.
     
  13. boomboom

    boomboom I GOT '99 PROBLEMS
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    There is only one solution...


    [​IMG]
     
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  14. KingCheetah

    KingCheetah Contributing Member

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    I know what she should keep shut.
     
  15. bobrek

    bobrek Politics belong in the D & D

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    Let the girl make the decision if there is one to make. Why should you deny her the opportunity to date you if that's what she wants?
     
  16. Aware

    Aware Member

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    Why are you asking for the dudes permission? lol
    He aint her daddy. The way i see it, you gotta marry the girl. Only way to show dominance over Tom now.

    Cmon bro dont be stressing over what some 21yr old kid is going to think
    That dude aint that far removed from high school lol

    Go get yours
     
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  17. Invisible Fan

    Invisible Fan Contributing Member

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    This.

    There shouldn't be dibs or whatever, and like what someone earlier mentioned, just tell him you're letting him know so he wouldn't be weird about it and not asking for his permission.

    If you really love him, i guess you could give him a deadline to ask her out first, but I'm not sure why you would and it'd still make things weird.
     
  18. Space Ghost

    Space Ghost Contributing Member

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    Its likely neither of these two people will be in your life in 10 years.

    You're over thinking it. Give her a shot but dont stop looking.
     
  19. steddinotayto

    steddinotayto Contributing Member

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    Tom is 21, meaning he’s barely lived an adulthood. Help him experience it moreso by dating the girl. That way, it’ll show him to do one of three things:

    -grow some balls because if it’s not his friend (you) taking “his” girl it’ll be another guy. If he was interested in her then he should have executed a long time ago

    -stop thinking that she’s a possession to win. There are no dibs. Unless she’s in a stable and healthy relationship she don’t need to be fought over. Tell her how you feel and what your intentions are and let it roll from there. He needs to learn this, unfortunately, the hard way as well.

    -lastly, this will teach him the meaning of friendship and the strength that true friendship has. If he stops talking to you or her or stops being a friend, that’s his M.O. if you were a good dude to him as his friend/coworker/mentor he’ll eventually realize that good people are hard to find. If this works out for you and the girl and you guys get married down the road, what can he say “man that could have been me”? Like yea it might have been you but (see #1)
     
  20. Pole

    Pole Houston Rockets--Tilman Fertitta's latest mess.

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    Not sure why.....but this post made me think of this: [​IMG]
     

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