When it comes to learning from its mistakes, corporate America has fallen off the rehab wagon more times than either Steve Howe or Darryl Strawberry. And the quickest, most efficient way to do it would be to round up the worst and the slimiest and bring them to justice. So be on the lookout for Corporate America's Most Wanted. ===>Jack Grubman, former head telecom shill at Salomon Smith Barney. Aka "The Bruce Springsteen of telecom." Wanted for: securities fraud; producing misleading stock analysis; betraying the trust of investors nationwide; and upgrading his rating of AT&T stock in an effort to help get his kids into the Harvard of Manhattan nursery schools. All while pulling in a cool $20 million a year. Warning: Grubman is armed with stacks of overblown research reports and should be considered extremely dangerous to your financial well-being. ===>Ken Lay, former chairman and CEO of Enron. Aka "Kenny Boy," "The poster child for cash-and-carry government," and "One of the Top 25 Wealth Creators of the last quarter century." Wanted for: cooking the books; cashing in $100 million in Enron stock in the year before the company collapsed, costing 5,000 employees their jobs; urging employees to invest their hard-earned money in Enron stock even after he'd been warned that the company was about to "implode in a wave of accounting scandals;" and overseeing a company that avoided paying any taxes in 4 of its last 5 years by creating 881 offshore subsidiaries. Hide-outs: Jus' Stuff, the secondhand store his wife opened to unload some of her pricey baubles. Known associates: fellow Enron Gang members Jeff Skilling and Andy Fastow, "good friend" George W. Bush, and the dozens of politicians who gladly accepted campaign contributions from Lay and Enron. Warning: considered dangerous and psychopathically indifferent to the suffering of others. Didn't hesitate to stab thousands of Enron workers and investors in the back or "turn out the lights" on millions of powerless Californians. Approach with extreme caution. ===>Sandy Weill, Chairman and CEO of Citigroup. Aka "The King of the Deal," "Wall Street's Highest Paid Executive." Wanted for: raking in close to $1 billion in stock option gains while overseeing a company that helped Enron defraud shareholders to the tune of $4.8 billion; rigging the IPO market; predatory lending; and falsely boosting the value of a host of tech stocks in an effort to land more business for its investment banking division. Warning: considered loaded and lethal. According to a secret e-mail uncovered by Eliot Spitzer, Weill won a Citigroup power struggle by getting Jack Grubman to help him "nuke" a former boardroom nemesis. If provoked, might be willing to use such weapons again. ===>Richard Cheney. Aka "Dick" and "Mr. Vice President." Former CEO of Halliburton, currently Vice-president of the United States. Wanted for: serial use of offshore tax shelters; overstating Halliburton revenue by $100 million; doing $73 million worth of post-gulf war business with Saddam Hussein, then denying it; overseeing Halliburton's consistent overbilling of the Pentagon (a habit that led to $2 million in fines); helping to systematically gut decades-worth of environmental protections; and fighting tooth and nail to keep secret the records of his very-energy-industry-friendly energy task force. Identifying marks include a distinctive sideways smirk, and an implantable cardioverter defibrillator (a device the size of an electronic garage door opener) embedded in his chest. Hide-outs: his secure, undisclosed location and GOP fundraisers. Known Associates: Ken Lay, anyone with a campaign donation for the GOP, and little buddy George W. Bush. Warning: considered armed to the teeth and extremely dangerous, especially now that the Bush administration has expressed a willingness to use "overwhelming force including nuclear weapons" if rubbed the wrong way. Do not try and apprehend the suspect on your own. Cheney has blithely shrugged off four heart attacks in the past -- what makes you think you can stop him? ===>Henry Blodget, disgraced Internet shill. Aka One of New York Magazine's people "who are inventing the world we'll be living in the next millennium." Wanted for: shameless Internet boosterism; regularly breaching his investment bank's Chinese wall; repeatedly lying through his teeth; and publicly placing Internet turkey Infospace on his "favored 15" list while privately referring to the company as a "piece of junk." All while pocketing $12 million a year. Warning: not content with earning millions while scrambling the nest eggs of trusting investors with his misleading stock analysis, Blodget now wants to further cash in on his nefarious deeds by penning a tell-all account of his years pushing Internet crap at Merrill Lynch. Avoid this self-serving -- and highly toxic -- claptrap at all costs.
Because they robbed and pillaged with a pen, they'll never get more than a slap on the wrist, if that. The rich will always be protected. They write the rules and own the referees. Until Americans stand up and demand justice, we'll never see change.
I'm no Nostradamus, but I play him on the bbs...please go to www.ariannaonline.com and read hold'em's next post before it hits the bbs...
I'm surprised as hell that some busted deranged Enron retiree hasn't exacted some vigilante revenge on Ken Lay and Fastow. I would guess they could get acquitted here in Texas as a justifiable homicide. And even if they didn't they could get the room, board and medical care that was stolen from them provided for.
Quit ripping off Ariana "Bad Accent/SUV basher" Huffington without credit and a link, numbnuts. Don't even try to think you came up with such first class liberal drivel like that on your own.
I'm convinced that this random posting of ariana huffington articles is actually TJ/texx in disguise.
In a similar vein though, I was going to start a thread on the gross abdication of responsibility of the SEC under the Bush regime, apparently content to let Elliot Sptizer handle it. Maybe later.
Interesting read, Hold'Em. Thanks for the post. But, just a heads-up: we try to include links and credit when posting a story.
thnx for the heads-up; these posts were taken from http://www.ariannaonline.com/columns/files/040103.html btw Buck Turgidson, very astute observation bamaslammer, i differ w her on the SUV issues. not a liberal, my political views are more in line w the Independent Party. Sam Fisher, i m not tj/texx; but my favorite game is Texas hold'em
