She's sleeping on the couch...

Good luck to you if this is true and go ahead and clear your mind. It sounds like you're trying to play troll judging by your recent threads.

 

This ain't a Disney movie; you'll wait for this "inner clarity and desire" forever and she'll move on. How's the idea of her marrying someone else sit with you?

I'm trying not to be too rude but you really just have to grow up and make a decision; indecision will lose her for sure. If you're too insecure to do that, let her go to someone who isn't.

 

Love is a decision. Stop being a pansy and decide. And then you wake up the next day and decide to do it again. And again. For the rest of your life. That's how it works. If you can't make the decision to love her regardless now because you're looking for some special feel good moment, what makes you think you'll be able to make that decision when the chips are down, you don't really feel like loving her, she's having a mood and the kids are getting on your last nerve?

Be a man. Choose her.

 

This is not a one size fits all situation. Only you will / should know when is the right time. As you saw from the responses, there was not a single common response.

Grow up man. Clear your mind, talk to her and let her know the truth. Stop dilly-dallying.

 

Spoiler

 

QFT. There's no soundtrack that starts playing. How long have you guys been living together?

 

You can't break a proposal too you know. It's not really a rock solid commitment.

 

Deep down do you really know she isn't the girl you want to marry and you are too scared to admit it to yourself?

 

That's not his problem. He is waiting for the larks to start singing and the stars to align, for the universe to give him some kind of green light. This is what I hate about all these stupid romantic movies and TV shows. They sell people a false idea about love and marriage, tell people lies about finding the "one" etc. And you wonder why so many relationships and marriages fail.

The way it works is you get to know someone, make an objective decision, and act out that decision every day for the rest of your life. Because even if somehow that magical green light moment comes, one day it will all wear off, and she will feel to you like just an annoying roommate you'd rather be without. And the day it happens, you wake up in the morning, shake it off and choose to do loving things regardless of how you feel. And the good times return again. True love gives unconditionally everyday and is not depending on some cosmic inner alignment. The rest is superficial.

 

Time to wake up and pull your head out of your ass.

Personally I always respect a person who is willing to walk away from a relationship if they are not happy. I've seen too many relationships (often the woman) who will stay in a unhappy relationship and make all the concessions. You do not want to wake up 10 years later and find out either of you are haboring silent unhappy feelings.

Secondly, it sounds like you do not know why she wants to be married. Marriage is a serious commitment. Marriage with kids is on a total different level. If she wants to be married and you do not know why, maybe you two are not so close afterall. A better match, whatever that may be, is always better than a nice piece of fun ass in bed.

I also find the one who drags out their drama in the open (ie: clutchfans/facebook/twitter) are usually the ones with the issue.

 

One could argue that marriage is also not rock solid. 50% of marriages end in divorce.

 

QFTT.

 

Sounds like she's a strong woman who doesn't have the time or energy to waste on a guy who is too wishy-washy to make a real commitment to her. You gotta admire that in this day and age.

If I had a daughter, this is how I would hope she would be.

Most strong women want to be with a strong man. They want a rock, not a wet noodle. You're being a wet noodle. Let her go find a rock.

 

You're probably not advocating it but I consider a man who goes into a marriage with one eye on the exit a coward. A straight up puss.

 

This really depends on your intent on marriage.There are many reasons to get married and many not to.

 

You don't know that. I have been in those shoes before. Too afraid to admit harsh truths about a relationship to yourself because the immediate consequences really suck. I am not talking about magic movie love crap either. I spent my whole life pushing downs negative (but accurate) thoughts and feelings because it was unpleasant and I didn't want to "go there" mentally. If this isn't the case then I agree with you. It is just I have some buddies who NEED to get divorced and are too afraid to admit some harsh stuff to themselves.

 

Have you told her that? Tell her you want to get married, that you want to have children with her, that you truly love her and only her, but that you don't want to be forced into a proposal. You want to make sure that everything is perfect.

I can't say that will ever come. Everybody is different.

So, you ****ed up by giving her an expectation.

 

I could swear I have seen this exact thread before.

Also, please post a pic so that we can tell you if she is the one or if you should move on.

Good luck.

 

She's sleeping on the couch and one of the first things you do is come on clutchfans to cry/whine? No wonder she's leaving.