Are we destined to be the laughingstock of the planet? What the hell is going on? Whisky of Mass Destruction - how the US spied on a tiny island distillery IN THE wavering image of a webcam, the figures moved with the sinister intent of those whose mission is mayhem. Thank heavens "Ursula" was watching ... If the slightest possibility exists that Bruichladdich distillery on Islay is a threat to world peace, we need to know. For it has been revealed that Ursula, a spy with the US Defence Threat Reduction Agency - "Our mission to safeguard the US and its allies from weapons of mass destruction" - has been monitoring the island distillery. Apparently, it takes just a "tweak" - her words - in the process of making whisky and Bruichladdich could be churning out chemical weapons. And, naturally, Mark Reynier, the managing director of the Port Charlotte distillery, found out that he was being spied on only when the Americans admitted it. "Consider the most surreal scenario imaginable," he said. "We install webcams to show the world our whisky is distilled traditionally. The US government apparently lock on to the web images, which they think look dodgy, but we, in Islay, don't know that yet. "We get an e-mail from 'Ursula' informing us one of our webcams is faulty. "We reply, thanking her and inquire who she is. "She admits she's a spy, monitoring sites that potentially produce WMD. What's the expression? Only in America! "It's hilarious," he admitted. "Mind you, we're a sinister- looking bunch, so I can see how we might be mistaken for al-Qaeda." The US admitted watching the distilling process because it is similar to the manufacture of chemical weapons. Mr Reynier said: "The original e-mail didn't say who it was from, but my reply elicited another reply and it had the name of the Defence Threat Reduction Agency (DTRA) on it. "I thought, 'What the hell?' I wrote back and all was revealed. We were on a 'hot list'." Then with the astonishing innocence of the American, Ursula revealed that she worked for the department dealing with the implementation of the Chemical Weapons Convention. Her e-mail read: "I work at the Defence Threat Reduction Agency. Our mission is to safeguard the US and its allies from weapons of mass destruction (chemical, biological, radiological, nuclear and high explosives). "Our area deals with the implementation of the Chemical Weapons Convention, so we go to sites to verify treaty compliance. "I still find it very funny that their chemical processes look very similar to your distilling process. "It just goes to show how 'tweaks' to the process can create something very pleasant (whisky) or deadly (chemical weapons)." Once "outed", Ursula's bosses at the DTRA were quick to point out that they do not consider Bruichladdich to be a threat to world peace. A spokesman said: "I am fairly certain that monitoring Scottish distilleries and checking webcams from time to time is not high on our list of missions. "We all know about this day and age, when you can go to chemical-processing plants and somebody with another intent can take that equipment and create something that is not intended to be there. "The United States is part of the Chemical Weapons Convention. That includes monitoring and visiting commercial facilities where they would be able to make chemical weapons." Mr Reynier added: "We produce 16,000 cases a year, a weapon of mass drunkenness." By: JIM MCBETH -- 27-Sep-03
How come the alleged return e-mail is from the "Defence Threat Reduction Agency"? Do newspapers in the UK refer to the US Cabinet post as the Secretary of Defence even though we in the US spell it "Defense"?
Maybe they used an English spellchecker. Can't say. Here's the link: http://uk.news.yahoo.com/030927/17/e9kdh.html
Cohen - Maybe I'm being too picky...I'm not one to be accepting on purely face value. Especially since I noticed the the authors last name was "McBeth"! BTW- here is the DTRA website: http://www.dtra.mil/index.html I haven't had time yet to purvey it... UPDATE - From the contact links in the DTRA website, I wonder if anyone would respond to the Scottish article? DTRA is a branch of the DoD with a $2B budget...about 1/10 of the Iraq recon budget!
Wow...you caught me! I talked Scotland's national newspaper into running this... my very own personal facbricated article ( http://www.thescotsman.co.uk/index.cfm?id=1070422003) ! You Rice grads are soooo smart. I should have known better.
I'm as skeptical of the Bush Adminstration's WMD witch hunt's as any politically independent moderate can be. However... The Bruichladdich distillery on Islay was first opened in 1881 and remained operational until 1995. It was reopened in August of this year and has 8 internal webcams. Here's is their website: http://www.bruichladdich.com/ The exact quote from the Bruichladdich website: "Apparently, distilling resembles a similar process to WMD production, hence the interest we have had from the US spooks, which was brought to our attention when they kindly informed us that one of our cameras was not working...."
If the New York TImes and BBC can publish lies, I certainly wouldn't hold this Scottish newspaper to a higher standard. You UT fans and sympathizers still have that baseball championship stuck in your craw, don't you? RICE ENVY
Nope. Couldn't care less about baseball, but a belated congrats to Rice (although I believe I did post a congratulations to Rice last year anyway). I've never had anything against Rice, it's a great school, always loved the mob, and I'm glad the school could excel at at least one sport, if not more. I just laugh at grads who are cocky just because they went to a quality school... like they don't have enough to be proud of about themselves so they must 'inherit' the reputation of their University. I once had a 30-something, cocky Harvard MBA apply for one of my entry-level analysis poistions. He kept going on and on about going to Harvard. Didn't really help him much, now did it? Sorry to have to inform you of this TJ, but I couldn't really give a d*mn about where you went to school. I assess you based on your interactions on this board. Your Rice-crutch is just one aspect of the insecure, cocky persona that you project here.
