excellent article that was sent to me . . . Rocket River "i'm not even married" > Secrets of Happy Couples > > 1. Cultivate common interests. After the passion settles down, it's common > to realize that you have few interests in common. But don't minimize the > importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If > common > interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, > be > sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more > interesting > to your partner and prevent you from appearing too dependent. > > 2. Walk together. Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the > other, happy couples walk comfortably together,side by side. They know > it's > more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the > way. > > 3. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode. If and when they have a > disagreement or argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couples > default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging. > > 4. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does > wrong. If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find > something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find > something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples > accentuate the positive. > > 5. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work. Our skin has a > memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused) and "no touch" > (neglected). Couples who say "Assalaamu alaiykum" with a hug keep their > skin > bathed in the "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against > anonymity in the world. > > 6. Say "I love you" and "Insha-Allah, May you have a good day" every > morning. This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each > partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other > annoyances. > > 7. Say "Assalaamu alaiykum "- May you be with peace: every night, > regardless > of how you feel. This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you > are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says > that > what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting > incident. > > 8. Do a "weather" check during the day. Call your partner at home or at > work > to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust > expectations so that you're more in synchrony when you connect after work. > For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be > unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good > that happened to you. > > 9. Be happy to be seen with your partner. Happy couples are pleased to be > seen together. > > Even if these actions don't come naturally, happy couples stick with them > until they do become a part of their relationship. They know that it takes > 30 days for a change in behavior to become a habit, and a minimum of six > months for a habit to become a way of life and love. > > Author: Unknown > > Courtesy: www.everymuslim.com > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > ---- > > AL-ISLAAH PUBLICATIONS > > www.everymuslim.com
Wise words. I have been with my wife for 6 years now and we are a VERY happy couple. I would say we do a good portion (in some fashion) of the items listed above.
1. Buy your wife her own TV and DVD player 2. Poker night once a week 3. Learn to cook for yourself 4. Take out the trash daily 5. Care for your kids before she does 6. Work hard to become the favorite parent 7. Slush fund, slush fund, slush fund. 8. Put the lid down 9. Pick up your clothes 10. Tell her you love her daily
I think the hardest things for guys is that we like to joke about people's faults. That's how guys usually interact with each other. Your team sucks is funny. However, at some point we have to draw the lijne when doing that with women. I guess it's just different. Even tho' it's still fun. Finding the positive things about someone doesn't seem to be as fun.
A few I could think of... Accept your partner. Acceptance is the surest way to demonstrate your love. This doesn't mean you have to like or agree with everything your partner does. It just means you accept the fact that she is who she is and that is enough. Have a sense of humor. I'm not talking about telling jokes. I mean be light hearted. Don't let one small problem ruin a whole evening. Don't let a disagreement over something trivial turn into a big fight. Learn to laugh and enjoy life. Don't be so serious. Being right isn't all it is cracked up to be. An author once wrote that when in an argument you can choose to be right or you can choose to be kind. When this comes to relationships, that is nearly an absolute. Too often, we see life as a competition. There is no quicker way to alienate your friends and loved one's than to compete with them every step of the way. Sometimes, it isn't just ok to let it go, it is necessary.
Be able to let things slide...just be easy-going...relax...lose your sense of self-importance...put others, particularly your wife, ahead of you. Create the reality that divorce or separation is not an option...that there's no way you're going to give up on each other. It can become a mutual "us against the world...the world may give up on marriage, but we won't." Have sex. Even if you have a headache. The major problem with marriage, as I see it, in our culture...is that everyone's out there looking for someone who can fulfill their own needs. You should be looking to fulfill someone else's needs first. No one person can fulfill all my needs...people just aren't built that way...but if you commit yourself to fulfill the needs of the person you love, you'll find they'll return the same in response if they truly love you. If they don't, you probably ought not be with that person for very long.
For those of you guys who might think the wise words of Jeff are a bit difficult to understand...allow me to translate for the common man. ...even if this means you must lie about your acceptance of fluffy toilet seat covers that prevent the seat from staying in the up position, or her replacing your one favorite pillow with 10 frilly pink pillows and her favorite childhood stuffed animal, or accepting bras hanging from door knobs and all the panties drying on the shower curtain rod when your friends come over to watch football. ...and when she says, "I think it's about time we get serious." RUN! Good sex is not a race to finish first...it's more than "OK" to let it go, it is necessary.
Never go to bed angry. Your brain starts going every little thing you have argued about, and what the true intention of the other person was, and how evil and bad they are, etc. It just keeps growing, and then the next morning you're in a full fury mode. If you have an argument, clear it before you sleep.
not necessarily... one partner may be frigid. what good would viagra be? sitting there by yourself, rock hard and no one to have sex with...
I knew there was something missing in mine!...I had read that it was a third time goal of 8 minutes as opposed to the typical 8 seconds. My wife could likely perform at the next Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo, given all the ferocious bull-riding sessions she's been through with me.
