I recently tried to meet someone in person that I got introduced to through one of those online dating services. Its not the first time I did so and I've met a few people before in person from time to time. They didn't work out but although I was disappointed, I almost never felt that I was being treated with a total lack of respect or courtesy until now. Anyway, I was able to get her number and then proceeded to call her. We chatted for over an hour and it seemed to go well and then I asked about meeting, perhaps, afterwork sometime. In all the other times in the past if I can get her number she's at least interested enough to want to meet once so it never occured to me that this would turn out to be an exception. Anyway, she offered to call back in the next couple of days when she could figure out a good time/date/place and I agreed to let her do so. She didn't call for a week and finally I decided to call her at home in the middle of the afternoon to leave a message. Instead she happened not to be at work that day and answered herself. I asked if she was still interested in meeting but did also suggest that perhaps she might not be interested since she didn't call back. She told me how she was real busy that whole week, was out of town that weekend and didn't get around to it, etc but was still interested in meeting. She seemed sincere and reassuring and told me that she wouldn't have given me her number if she wasn't interested. She said that she was busy that week but offered to schedule, tentatively, the following week on Tue at 6:00pm after work. She said she'd call the Sunday/Monday before to re-confirm with me. But again she never called as she promised. So finally on Mon, I called in the middle of the afternoon, this time got her answering machine, and left a brief message asking if we were still on for tomorrow. I never heard from her again. I'm sure I made some mistakes here but still I'm not sure that I did anything really wrong. I am very understanding if someone's not interested and I don't make a big deal out of it but this was the first time I've experienced anything like this. I understand it is awkward to tell someone you don't want to see them but surely there are better ways than pretending to want to see them even going out of the way to reassure and arrange to see them when you obviously don't. Well, if there anyone out here that can offer any insight into this fiasco, I'd appreciate it. (still a bit peeved at this treatment)
No insight...just remember that when you are using an online dating service you meet a wide range of people. Some are straight-up, and some are flakes. Looks like you met a flake.
You are talking to the king of what happened to you! LOL! For some strange reason, girls always think that it is better to *pretend* that they are interested instead of being honest from the very beginning that they are not. I could say that calling her the second time might have been a mistake, but in reading your post for the first time, you didn't do anything that sounded too wrong. How old is this girl? Is she like 20 or younger? A lot of women that age are very flighty. They might be interested one week and not even care the next. Hmmm, in reading your post again, I saw that you said that you "chatted for over an hour". It may have been here where she made her choice...feeling that you were not a romantic candidate but more of a friend type. Trying not to talk long to a girl on the phone is a hard one for me, but I do think it is worth trying. After all, if you talk for over an hour on the phone with this girl, what are you going to talk about it when (if it ever happens) you meet in person?
There are two ways you can go about this situation. 1) Drop it. She brushed you off twice, you don't need that sh*t in your life. Too many other women. 2) Have a lil fun with this avoiding-beat-around-the-bush b*tch. Call her as many times as possible for as long as possible and keep asking her out, until she finally has to say "No!" At which time you'll tell her "Well, you should've just said so!" Or she could continue to be spineless and change her number. Whatever you do, make sure you don't do or say anything incriminating. Imagine the look on her face when she comes home to find 50 msgs, 1 minute apart, each on saying "So, are we still one or what?"
If it were me, I would have moved on after she didn't call me for a week. Manny is right, most women won't tell you if they don't dig you because they don't want to be rude. Instead, they send signals like not calling for a week. Just sack up and move on. Plenty of fish in the sea.
Lesson is not everyone is very mature about things. To get even just bribe some teens to egg her house every month. That's what I always do.
Ditch the B!tch. Why use an online dating service, that's what bars are for. At a bar, people are more truthful or more easy. She'll either tell you straight up no, or you might get laid. Plus everything moves at lightning quick iversonesque pace. 1st girl says no, move on, 2nd girl says no, move on, 3rd girl says yes, you win. It's a win win situation just my $1.00-$.98=$.02
If she can't even call you once to return a call, then she's not worth it. Noone is that busy where they can't even call you back. She's just not being straight with you and outright being disrespectful by not even trying or giving the appearance of trying. Forget her. You tried making all the right moves. She countered with all the wrong moves.
This is very true. But the thing to realize is that people do this NOT because they want to avoid hurting your feelings but rather to protect their OWN feelings. If you have to tell someone directly that you're rejecting them, you feel awkward doing it (kind of like telling someone that they're fired) and so you avoid doing that which makes you uncomfortable. This doesn't mean its the "right" thing to do though. The thing is that for the "rejectee", its a LOT more kinder and gentler to be told straightforwardly but politely rather than have to "figure it out" over a period of time and be jerked around a bit. Either way you're going to find out eventually so you might as well find out ASAP in a straightforward way. One of the things that was "different" was that in the past, I usually offered to call/write back with a suggestion after discussing a possible time/date to meet. This time, she asked if she could call back and I assumed wrongly that she really was interested and would call back in a day or two. When that didn't happen, she put me in a bad spot. I couldn't call back too soon without seeming too impatient or pushy. But after a week, I had to at least "try" just in case she really was still interested but didn't get around to it. If there's one mistake I made, it was to give her the initiative and thereby lose control of the entire "dating process" to her. According to her profile she is 23. This could be true but I'm not sure. Its not really different from how I've handled other women in the past. I do agree though that you shouldn't "push" a conversation when it's run its course. It's possible this happened here but I'm not sure. In my past experience, if you and the other person "fit" things flow smoothly and naturally and you don't have to worry about such things like running out of things to talk about.
If I'm not really too interested I go by a "one-chance" rule. If I'm a little bit more interested, then I'll give her "two opportunities". At the time, it seemed like I did the right thing because when I called her the second time, we were able to arrange a time/date to meet and it seemed like she wanted to take advantage of this second opportunity. Little did I know though, that she was just saying what I wanted to hear and was not sincere at all. In retrospect, it would have been much better if I had reached her machine the second time (as I intended) rather than reach her in person. She would have brush off the message, I would have known right away she wasn't interested and wouldn't have to find out over a week later that she was actually just jerking me around.
r35352, not to sound like a prick or anything, but how in the hell does this qualify as a "dating fiasco"? this qualifies as "dating" as much as blood ninja's cyber encounters qualify as dating. pfffft! take this f'er with a grain of salt, r. apparently she's just "testing the waters" and isn't ready for anything serious... otherwise she would have at the very least had the decency (sp?) to call you back. quit taking this schit so personal. it's funny that you do take it personal considering how impersonal online dating is. it's kinda like writing somebody a "thank you" email for a favor rather than sending a card or something. listen to monica... "don't take it personal". (by the way... that was a kick arse song. what's going on with her?) in other words... get used to it, guy. it'll happen a lot online. it's not that they're not interested.... it's just that they're just looking.
She's a flake. It's happened to me many times. A girl is no longer interested(or worse yet, never was to begin with), but she doesn't have the courtesy to come right out and say it. I get that most women actually have good intentions when they don't return your calls or lead you on. They don't wanna hurt your feelings. Fine. But the bottom line is, if it's over between the two of you, it helps when BOTH people are aware of this.
I was reading this and felt that I had to defend myself. First, I really was interested in r3. Like he said we had a great conversation on the phone. Then we were supposed to arrange a meeting, but my grandmother got sick so I had to go be with her in the hospital. She had to have her foot amputated because of her diabetes. This, of course, both occupied my time and kind of took me out of the dating mood. When he called back, I had a lot on my mind, so I gave him some tentative future plans and said I would call to confirm if we were still on. That weekend one of my best girlfriend's was left at the altar, and she was a wreck. I was crying with her for hours. Then I get this message on my machine like I have done something wrong, I have not invested enough in our date for r3. Now I am being attacked and called a b**** on a message board. I'm sorry I didn't call, but having read your reaction, I am not at all certain that I want to see you anymore. Don't call me ever again. It's too bad for you too, 'cause I am uber-hot. 36DDD-24-34. - RoxBabe34
Let it go, no worries. Who cares? Nothing left to see here..... Seriously, why agonize about it. You never met, she obviously was never serious about it. Move onto the next unsusoecting internet gal!
