Yep, and if you happen to marry someone who ALSO thinks like this, you will probably have a long happy life together.
my answer to this is a zen one, and I can't articulate it well. but it's something like waking up and finding your desires are different...that your happiness is derived from something different than it was before.
this is Sermon on the Mount stuff. not to be preachy...but realizing how much better the world would be if we really did treat others better than ourselves. if we gave without expectation of getting.
If you love her enough, do it because she wants too. I agree that in todays society.....from the male perspective w/ o children marriage doesn't give you much. (a few tax benefits that are easily negated by divorce settlements)
Yes. It's not a rational process and if you do a pro/con list beforehand you're not doing it right. What happened to me... I woke up one Sunday morning and like a ton of bricks, the thought that I want to and should spend the rest of my life with Mrs. rimrocker was just there. It wasn't some goofy feeling from a teenage or college relationship, but it was something I'd never felt before... I just knew at that point that we'd get married. It was very calming in a way. 19 years later and I've never seriously doubted that decision.
As someone who's been married for 14 years, my opinion is as follows: In this day and age, marriage is a great institution for raising kids... ...and that's about it. If I found myself single for some reason, I can't see myself getting married again. You people who are saying "putting her needs first blah blah" ... you're assuming that all women want to get married, and that's not necessarily the case. Women today are MUCH more independent than they used to be. I'm seeing a lot of middle-aged women who are secure in themselves, their lives, and their careers and who, like many men, don't want to have to sacrifice any of that to have a committed relationship. And really, they shouldn't need to. Also, marriage today is a VERY dangerous thing, and I think the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. It's no wonder that, statistically, fewer people are getting married.
For some, it's a good thing. For others not. Still, anytime I see a post like this, I can't help but think the poster is only comfortable around girls and doesn't have the self-confidence to start dating women.
Marriage is about hard work, sacrifice, busting your ass in doing things you don't want to do like letting her watch her tv shows or talk about her emotions and write poems and stuff... Marriage is about the good and the bad things, learning how to work together as a team.. I applaud anyone who is married and still trying to progress each and every day... Marriage is a foundation for the greater good, contributing to society...
While there is lots of truth to this, I'm guessing that if a/the "woman" doesn't want to get married, then we're not really talking about those couples. This does not dispute the fact that there are many who probably get married that shouldn't, and did so because they thought 'well, it's time,' only to end up shackled by regret. I also think that the notion of confidence and happiness in marriage depends who you're asking. I'm sure for many 20 somethings it's harder to understand, while some older folks could extol the virtues. Of course there are those on both sides from either/any age group. This is very true. A sense of commitment outside of your "how do I feel about it today (or this month)" zone is a good thing, if you both want marriage, and want it to last. And I couldn't agree more with the kids statement(s). As for Lilpun's comments, also somewhat true... but because you know some unhappy people not honoring a commitment is not necessarily a testament to the institution of marriage so much as it is about those people and their marriage, in my opinion.
Couldn't the same thing be said about the good things people see in marriage? That those good things speak volumes about that marriage but not the institution of marriage itself?
I'm having a difficult time seeing what the point of this conversation is, now. If you don't wish to get married, then don't get married. But I see no reason to crap on the institution of marriage simply because you're not interested in it.
I was cohabitating for quite a while before getting married and did not expect a change in my relationship, but was surprised to find that the wedding did change things. I stopped thinking about whether or not I should commit, do we have a future, would I be better off in some other circumstance? When I got married, it was a done deal and there was no point to asking questions like that. Even though I was heavily committed in my relationship before marriage, I managed to be even more committed afterward. I think it was an effect that cannot be had without marriage.
Being with the one you love is the key. My wife and I lived together for quite a while before we finally got married. In some ways the actual act of marriage seemed anti-climactic, since it didn't really change any dynamic of our relationship. Now there was a piece of paper that said we were together, and the state recognized that union. There are certainly financial and legal benefits from taxes to medical care to inheritance to insurance. A breakup of the relationship becomes a lot more difficult if you're married.
