My brother received an email the other day through Facebook from a person claiming to be his father. My brother has never known his natural father, and this was not the same person that he believed to be his father. Apparently he was lied to his whole life(he is 29). Our grandma and aunt confirmed that this guy is indeed his father, and our mother has been holding this secret from everyone all these years. She lied to my brother and to my dad(his adopted father) about who the real father was. Would you email him back? Would you confront your mom?
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/vt2i0ts-uck&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/vt2i0ts-uck&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object> Someone had to do it again!!
Well, I was adopted by my dad as well. I just found out the name of my birth father (whom I've never met) a couple years ago. If this happened to me, I'd most definitely e-mail the guy. I've always grown up thinking my biological father didn't give a sh#t, but if it was really someone else, and they wanted to contact me, I would no doubt start a correspondence and try and get to know him.
Wow, that's quite the predicament. What does your brother feel that he should do?? Honestly, I would first confront your mother and find out her reasoning for it all. Then, depending on what she says e-mail him back. Regardless though, that is a lot to deal with and seems very awkward. I hope the best for your brother and your family.
you have to deal with both of them in that situation. man, a lie like that perpetrated by my mom and is life altering, i have no idea what i would do about it. probably just be really mean...and maybe break off contact with mom for a while...to have time to come to terms with it.
So who did your mother say the father was? If your brother never even knew the person who your mother said was his father, there's gotta be a good reason why she lied about it. At least I hope there is for your brother's sake.
Everyone? How does your grandmother and aunt know? Do they really know, or do they just think they know? Does your mother really know (I mean no offense)? He should talk to his mother to find out what the deal is. I can understand being a bit upset but, seeing as he never met or had a relationship wth the man he thought was his father, the switch can't be that catastrophic. The more important question, it would seem to me, is why his mother lied about his identity. She (or perhaps his grandmother or aunt) can tell that story and he can deal with that issue. Then, armed with the facts, he can reply to his real natural father if he still wants to.
Your brother should e-mail him back and talk to his mother just to get questions answered, because like it or not it is going to always be in his mind if he doesn't talk to them.
No. He was born out of wedlock. He was 3 when our mom met my dad. My mom lied to him and my dad about who the father was for reasons unknown to me. The real father has always known. My dad adopted him, so he knew it wasn't his. I have no idea about the guy she claimed was the father to my dad and brother.
If your brother is 29 I am guessing your mother is at least another 20 years older (give or take a few years). In any case, it is not that uncommon for people in that generation to feel very differently about unexpected pregnancies and how to handle them. My mother, for example, was adopted and didn't find out until both her parents died and she was going through their papers. Today most adoptions are open, sometimes with visitatioin rights. My point is that at the time it might have seemed the right and proper thing to do to not mention the father and move on. Probably a few people would have known and they might have felt similarly about the situation. On a related note, a good friend of mine recently had the opportunity to meet her biological father for the first time and she said the experience was a larger blessing to her than she could possibly have imagined. Apart from having much in common it made her feel more complete to finally know both her biological parents. And her mother is talking to him again on much friendlier terms.
Did he have a relationship with the guy he thought was his father? If not, I don't see why it matters.
They know because they were there. My mom was still in HS when she got pregnant. She created the lie for a reason unknown to me. I guess it is possible my mother may not know. It is even possible that she lied to her family. The fact that there would have been a lie in the first place is weird, but I've come to find out that he used to live down the road from my Grandma, and my brother had hung out with the kid that lived there(I guess it would be his half-brother). I wonder if it would be worth getting a paternity test just to know. He is not sure if he wants to email back, but I know its kind of bothered him not really knowing. I guess I'll suggest him to ask mom about it. He says he doesn't want to say anything, because nobody was supposed to tell him.
Just another guy. She never talks about it in front of me. I'm trying to go through the adoption process to adopt my son, and I couldn't really get anything from her about how the handled the adoption with my brother. Hopefully I can convince my brother to ask my mother about it, and hopefully she will be forth coming.
Curiosity to find out your real father, and he was lied to about the one person you think you can trust above everyone. Edit: This actually made me think about the baby in that Youtube video the other day. How weird it would be if his dad found him through that years down the road. I wonder how often adopted children have been contacted by birth parents through Facebook/Social networking sites.
Is he going to keep his knowing a secret from his mother, just as she kept his father's identity secret from him? That doesn't sound healthy. It'd be better, I'd think (while knowing very litttle of the whole thing), to break the cycle and deal with the issue honestly.
Late to the party, but if your father adopted your brother and raised him (I assume he was a good father?), why would your brother care about some stranger who knocked up his mother 29 years ago? He already HAS a father. Maybe his mother was just trying to protect him. What good is it to tell a kid his father isn't his real father? Is that supposed to make a kid feel good? Who the hell cares about whose sperm it was? I would care more about the man who raised me and has been there for me all those years than the stranger who had sex with my mom 30 years ago. Granted, this is how I would feel if I were in your brother's situation. Everyone is different, I guess.
I'd email him back at the very least for the family medical history. He is 29, so it isn't like the biological father will want to start raising him. The biological father has probably had guilt in the background of his life for 30 years now, and who knows what your brother will deal with emotionally if he never talks with him. Of course, the biological father could be a complete jerk and is only contacting him because he needs a kidney. Don't let him donate. Then again, who knows, maybe the guy is dying and has no heirs? $$$ P.S. I repeat do not let him donate any organs! If he does, don't let him fly on a plane (unless he's crippled, then make him fly on a plane overseas somewhere.)
Man, You lost me on that one! Seriously though juicystream's brother definately needs his natural father's family medical history! The best way to get that is to ask him. If I were him, I would definately have a heart to heart with my mom first; not to blame, but to know why she didn't see fit to tell the truth. The answers here would then determine my conversation with my natural father. Yes I would definately talk to my natural father!
