I have a presentation to give so I'm going to make this quick. My mother has never been there for me, lived off of my child support, chose husbands (notice that's plural) over me, and has practically ruined my credit. I recently found out I owe over $800 from a phone bill when I was about 14. Obviously she used my name to get it. Well I also found out she "scammed" an insurance company to get money. Well she got her money and I told her that if she didn't pay the phone bill with that money I'd turn her in to the insurance company, and file fraud to the phone bill. This is my mother and even though I only see her about 2-3 times a year (thank god for my aunt and uncle), she is still the mother of my brother who just moved in with his dad so he could stay in Houston with his friends instead of moving with our mom to Cleveland, Texas. He will probably rarely see her, but I know she actually means something to him. Yes she does mean something to me, but that is only because she is blood. I have no respect for her at all. The only thing I'm worried about is taking her from my brother (he's 10). This is only the start to a list of mistakes she has made and is still making. I would find it good for her to get some jail time because 1) she deserves it, and 2) it will get her off the the drugs she's been taking. I think I'm going to turn her in since my brother will probably hardly ever see her now anyway, but it is still a tough decision to make. What should I do? Pugs
How old are you? What are you turning her in for. Any, I repeat, ANY contract that is in your name before you turned 18 is null and void. You don't owe squat. They can't ruin your credit. They can't come after you for the money. Any time someone calls you looking for a bill, let them know they set up a fraudulent contract with a minor. Hope that helps.
Luckily my presentation was rescheduled for 2:30pm I'm 23 and would be turning her in for 2 things: 1) using my name when I was under age 2) lying that she had stuff at a store when it burned down, and now they gave her a very large check for it. I don't know why they would have called me if I'm not eligible for it. Maybe they couldn't get a hold of her, but they told me that I owe the money. Another person has told me that I have to be at least 18 so I'm not too worried about that now, but I would like to have it settled one way or another so I have nothing to worry about. My main concern is my brother. Pugs
if your main concern is your brother...i'm not sure a date with a criminal court for mom is the best idea. just talk to him...talk to him honestly about your mom...don't tell him to stop loving her...but tell him what to expect..tell him he'll have to look elsewhere for guidance on growing up. sounds like he may already have that in you. and you're right...you did not have capacity to enter contract at that age
The main problem I'm seeing in your responses is although you're saying that you're doing it for your brother, it seems to me that you're really doing it because you are still bitter towards her. You have every right to be, don't get me wrong. But your reasonings for wanting to turn your mom in seem a little vengeful. Take some time to think about it and let yourself calm down, and as MadMax said, try to be his main source of influence. From what I've seen, turning your mom in should only be used as a last resort. And I'm sorry, but your reasons for doing it don't seem justifiable, yet.
We had a difficult situation with my mother a couple years ago in which we weren't sure whether to take legal action or not. I spoke to a very wise older attorney at our church who suggested that in many of these types of situations it is best to wait rather than to act. So we waited and didn't do anything about it. And the situation resolved itself. Somewhat. My mother is still irritating, unjust, and selfish and it is questionable as to whether she is entirely above the law. She still does a number of things that have horrible consequences for just about everyone around her. But today I don't feel like it's my place to try to bring some sort of ultimate justice to the situation. I do feel like I'm stuck cleaning up her mess. I'll see how I feel about that tomorrow. Best of luck, you really aren't alone in have a far, far, from perfect parent.
Well I appreciate your responses and help, and even though I would LOVE to turn her in now, I should have done it long ago. Let's see what else she has done..... 1) pawned my things & stole my money when I was in elementary 2) took my dad to court to get more child support money, when he said sure, let me put it in a college fund for him, she said no 3) recently got married for the 6th time, it was only 4 times when I was with her 4) claimed me on her taxes more than once even though I hadn't lived with her in years 5) after she was with a guy for 5 years or so and I constantly listened to them argue, found crack pipes, and had to call the police I tell her either he goes or I go. Well I bet you can guess what she said...Cya! (this was definitely the worst) 6) Another time when I told her the same thing, I ended up sitting outside until about 3am when I walked to a fire station to call my grandmother to pick me up. 7) I have 2 brothers (twins) that I've never met because they were put up for adoption (I thank God for this every day) 8) I went to at least 1 different school every year until the 7th and 8th grade because we moved so much due to her not being able to hold a job and always meeting new guys. (luckily I was able to move in with my aunt and uncle in 9th grade) 9) Now she is making money by selling pain relievers to people (including one of my aunts who has M.S. along with some other things). As for herself, she looks like a stick she's so skinny now due to taking all of those pills. I suppose after reading this you can see why I would be more than happy to turn her in, but the only thing stopping me is my brother. But your right Fatty, a lot of it has to do with me just dying to see her where she belongs, but I'm trying to push that aside. I have thought about talking to my brother, and at the moment am thinking about trying to take him in because now he's with his dad who is almost as bad as our mom. He's been separated from all of his friends because of this and I know how that feels. Now I'm thinking even if I didn't turn her in he would rarely see her anyway because she's so far away (wherever Cleveland, TX. is). Pugs
one more thing, pugs. at some point...no matter how bad it gets...no matter how bad it is. you have to find a way to forgive her for it. you don't have to LIKE her. but this will eat you alive your entire life if you don't.
Unfortunately your right Max, I've been told this over and over and have tried to do it. Earlier this year I actually went to her and told her that I do love her and care for her no matter what she has done and I wanted to tell her this before it was too late. I thought this had ended it, but then something like this comes up. I think even though I've tried (and practically done) to forgive her for the things she's done to me, now she's doing things like lying to get money from insurance companies. I guess things will just go on like this forever because no matter what I tell her she doesn't seem to be stopping, and if this affects me then I'm pretty much screwed. Pugs
MadMax, Great advice. Pugs, You should expect to have to forgive your mother over and over again, probably for the rest of your life. My mother will often approach me about starting fresh and forgiving each other and moving on. Within five minutes she seems to do something horrid again. I don't know if this helps but when I think about how much God has forgiven me (over and over again), it seems like my mother's offenses should be something I could forgive. Of course, God is infinantly more loving than I am.
Cleveland, Tx is an hour north of Houston. If she is on crack, and has a ten yr old son (your ten yr old brother) then I don't really have a problem with you turning her in. Chances are that your brother will go to his dad. If you're fine with that, then it's up to you. I'd still give it a week, though.
I'm not sure on the whole situation, but it sounds like this might be the biggest cause of the whole situation. Has she been on drugs for a long time. Maybe if this issue is resolved (easier said than done), a lot of the other issues will resolve themselves.
Yeah, I think she has moved on from the crack to the pain pills. She has been in rehab a couple of times, but that didn't last. The only way I can think of ending it would be to turn her in. I wish there was another way, does anyone have any suggestions? Pugs
I have a suggestion, get away from her. My dad wasnt quite as bad but pretty close. When I turned 18, I left and basically I cleansed myself of the situation. I had very little contact with him and got to the point where I let everything go. I didnt deserve it and it was no longer my problem. If you feel the need to take care of your brother then do just that. Whatever you do, do not put up with her ****. I would take care of the credit thing and if it gets her in trouble then thats too bad. She shouldnt have done that and she will pay the consequences. I wouldnt go out of my way to turn her in or do anything malicious to her even though you obviously want to. You have every right to feel that way. Unfortunately my dad and I had a very distant relationship the rest of his life, but it wasnt because I didnt leave the door open or because I didnt give him chance. Whenever he would pull his **** I would tell him that I am not putting up with it, that I love him, but to call/see/whatever me when he can act like an adult. He could rarely do that so we didnt spend much time together. That is the only way I could have a normal life. If I let it eat me up it would do just that. Let it go, let her go, worry about living your life to the fullest, and start making your own happiness. I've been married for almost 8 years now and have two beautiful kids. We are our own family and we strive to be happy as much as possible. My kids will never know the pain that we did.
don't let her mess up your brother like she did you sometimes you just gotta cut your loses and move on, you can't let abusive, hateful people, even if they are family, remain in your life you gotta look out for #1, that being yourself and your brother im my book, she doesn't deserve your or your brother's love what will happen if you do nothing? the same exact s%^& that has been happening for the last umpteen years
remember this...the only reason to be mad at someone is when you get something you don't expect. you know what to expect now...so you can be wary of it. i'll remember you and your family in my prayers, pugs.
So true MadMax......excellent advice. This has worked for me, although my father wasnt as bad. Another thing you can do is pray for her.
I can see where FatBastard is seeing the vengefulness and it isn't exactly good. However, you may well be right that prison is the best thing for her. Right now, it sounds like she is in a rather self-destructive pattern of behavior. The price she pays going to prison may be less than what she pays staying her current course. At the same time, it seems like a hard hard thing to betray your own blood like that. Has she shown any glint of realization that her behavior is destructive for herself and those around her? I would put my main focus on your brother and not your mother. He needs a stable and positive influence and it seems like you may be his best bet, even if you're a bit young for the job. That may mean taking him in, it may mean just having a large presence in his life. But your position in his life will have a large effect if you make the sacrifice -- possibly larger than your mother's. If he's your concern, I'd apply most of my efforts directly to him.
I don't have any advice, but I wanted to say I empathize with you pugs. I hope whatever happens, it works out for the best.
