"I think I didn't really decide; the decision just forced itself on me." Hakeem Olajuwon -- August 3, 2001
Wait Drew, you're right, this isn't all I've got: *********************************** Q: Is there any bitterness between you and the Rockets? Olajuwon: There are mutual feelings with Houston and tremendous respect. It was a beautiful end. I wanted to stay but at the same time, I wanted to move on. We ended on a nice note. I'm happy and so are they. Come on Drew, even you have to admit that statement was STUPID!!
Change of pace: Here are some funny/stupid quotes taken from court records. I don't have actual names to attach them to, but they are real. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. -------------------------------------------------- Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ----------------------------------------------------- Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? ------------------------------------------------------ Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. ------------------------------------------------------ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. ----------------------------------------------------- Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? ----------------------------------------------------- Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? -------------------------------------------------------- Q: Were you present at the time your picture was taken? -------------------------------------------------------- Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that! time? ---------------------------------------------------------- Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? -------------------------------------------------------- Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? -------------------------------------------------------- Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I always dress when I go to work. ---------------------------------------------------------- Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ---------------------------------------------------------- Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. ----------------------------------------------------------! Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him. --------------------------------------------------------- Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? ------------------------------------------------------- Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less? A: Not unless he was out practicing law somewhere.
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby." -Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you" I think these are Jack Handey quotes, but I don't know...I think I was drinking when I first heard them.
