Your bored, Im bored, WE ARE ALL BORED! Thats why i decided to start this topic. I want to see the absolute most stupid quotes u can find. Not 20 lame ones, not 10 good ones, the absolute stupidest thing u can think a person could ever say......This should be interestin.............. two of my favorites: "Everything that can be invented has been invented." -Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899 "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Gobel ------------------ "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." -Jason Kidd "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." -Bill Peterson, football coach [This message has been edited by DrewP (edited July 30, 2001).]
"WE WANT CHILLY WILLY! WE WANT CHILLY WILLY!" -Barney Gumble Come on, you knew a Simpsons quote had to get mixed in SOMEWHERE ------------------ Mein bratwurst has a first name, it's F-R-I-T-Z Mein bratwurst has a second name, it's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N
Somehow I think this is pertinent: George Gobel was a comedian. Kind of an early (and mild) version of Steven Wright. ------------------ "How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak. Because someday you will have been all of these."
I would like to live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." -Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest But she is deaf and its a members signature. ------------------ "banging Shaq is a whole different expirience"-Pete Babcock Behold the power of quotation
And Miss Alabama wasn't in the Miss Universe pageant in 1994... ------------------ This post contains no smilies, you must judge my seriousness on your own...
"Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?" ------------------ Protrolls.com! Keep the ???? alive! The ZRBucks!
If you going flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, its probaly best to avoid eye contact. -Deep Thoughts (Jack Handey) "I beleive in making the world safe for our children, but not for our childrens' children, beecause i dont think children should be having sex" -Deep Thoughts (Jack Handey) At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw fu*k you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill. -Deep Thoughts (Jack Handey) One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. -Deep Thoughts (Jack Handey) If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink. -Deep Thoughts (Jack Handey) Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition. -Deep Thoughts (Jack Handey) To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad. -Deep Thoughts (Jack Handey) As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!! -Deep Thoughts (Jack Handey) If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy. -Deep Thoughts (Jack Handey) Obviously i have already throw out the get only one good one stuff.... anyone want more of these email me at cinder6377@hotmail.com :~) ------------------ "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." -Jason Kidd "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." -Bill Peterson, football coach [This message has been edited by DrewP (edited July 30, 2001).]
Freaking awesome Drew!!! Thanks! ------------------ Reporter asks "How close were you to the victim?" Shorty says,"Real close until the roofies wore off. Then she woke up talking about pressing charges, so I took my tongue out of her ass and left." Shorty - Marlon Wayans "Scary Movie" Go Rockets!!! SS
When Marvin Barnes was a rookie with the Spirits of Saint Louis, he was taking a short flight East to West that included a change in time zones (i.e. depart 5:04, arrive 4:52), he initially refused to board the plane calling it instead a Time Machine. Not exactly a quote but still funny as hell. Source "Loose Balls" by Terry Pluto. ------------------ "How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak. Because someday you will have been all of these."
A friend of mine's usual .sig quote: "Come, come! Why, they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--" --Gen. John Sedgwick, Battle of Spottsylvania ------------------ ...just another Langhi fanboy on the run from the CriscoKiddies
But Miss Alabama wen't on to become Miss America thus entering her into Miss Universe which I assume she won. ------------------ "banging Shaq is a whole different expirience"-Pete Babcock Behold the power of quotation
when you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if its not, mmmmmm boy. ------------------ We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some w**** he picked up in town. Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
Miss South Carolina won the Miss America pageant in 1994... ------------------ This post contains no smilies, you must judge my seriousness on your own... [This message has been edited by Pete Rose Mobster (edited July 30, 2001).]
I have 2 stupid sports quotes: 1. "Thats what seperates us from the tax payers." - Jason Kidd while playing in Dallas and trying to explain what it takes to be an NBA player. I guess someone forgot to explain to Jason the NBA players are required to pay taxes to. 2. "The way to beat Shawn Bradley is to take it straight to his equilibrium." - Shaq when talking about scoring against Dallas Mavericks center Shawn Bradley. I have know idea what the hell that meant but it must be true since Shaq scores about 150 pts every time he goes up against Bradley. ------------------ Women can not fart, belch or burp...therefore they must b**** or they will explode.
wow PRM, thats kinda ammusing that you of all people took timeout of your life to find out who won the 94 miss america pageant.... "I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do. " ------------------ "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." -Jason Kidd "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." -Bill Peterson, football coach
You have no clue how difficult it was for me to type up www.missamerica.org and then click "Miss America History", followed by "1990's" and then "1994". It was easily one of the most arduous things I've done in months. ------------------ This post contains no smilies, you must judge my seriousness on your own...
That's exactly what I was gonna say! But then again, what can you expect from Bush? Cod ------------------ The Number One Cuttino Mobley Fan! Don't hate..Congratulate!
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman." - Some skirt chasin' hick ------------------ I cut all the heads off of a Hydra, and all I got was this StupidMoniker. "God is dead" - Friedrich Nietzsche ~1880 "Nietzshce is dead" - God 1900
"That depends on what the definition of 'is' is." ------------------ Long Live The Catomic Bomb. DON'T TRADE DOTEL! [This message has been edited by finalsbound (edited July 30, 2001).]
