Juan, I hear ya man, I really do. I know exactly where you are coming from. Although I don't have twins on the way, I do have a lot of things in common with you: I am the primary breadwinner, teach classes for a local CC over the internet to make extra cash (as it turned out, we have been needing that money to live on ), have more jobs at home than I can shake a stick at such as handling all yard work (our yard needs mowing pretty much every week), doing the dishes (loading and unloading), washing and drying towels as well as putting them up, washing and drying my clothes as well as putting them up (something I do every Saturday), having to put up my wife's and daughter's laundry , taking our 2 dogs out every morning and evening as well as feeding them once a day, feeding the cat, cleaning out his litter box (although I don't do that every day), taking out our garbage once a day, vacuuming when I can get to it (my wife has asthma so it is hard for her to do that although she will if she has to). I am also the person that does our finances and prepares our budget as well as taking animals to the vet and groomer. And I have to do this while I am at work which means taking vacation or doing it on the lunch break or making up the time. Did I also add that my job is now in HR and I don't nearly have the free time to post like I used to? Add onto the fact that I work with a bunch of women and most of them frown on me or anybody else being on the Internet. (my boss has caught me a couple of times but she hasn't really written me up - she is pretty cool about it because she knows I get all my assigned work done). Also factor in that we have a 6 month old son along with a 9 year old girl and each child has their own challenges. My son has stopped breathing several times and has gone to the emergency room 3 separate times in his short life. After the 3rd time, my wife demanded that he see specialists and we went to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. He spent close to 2 days there and we were charged over 12,000 dollars! Turns out that my son has severe reflux. Thank God for health insurance or I don't know what we would have done. Insurance has paid for everything except close to 1,200 dollars. Still having to pay that amount is not going to be fun nor easy. Add on the fact that my wife had to close her business around in May and was advised to take ********** (I don't want to type the actual word out because it makes me physically sick). Thank God I didn't have to take it myself but the ramifications and fallout from that will be felt - we will probably have to stay in our little, overcrowded, not enough space house longer than we would like - oh well. And also add on the fact, that I desperately need her to find a job so we can have more income coming in (we have 2 car loans, a student loan on her, a mortgage, a home equity loan, a credit card, outrageous car insurance because we had a string of bad luck with our driving in 2008, and now a discover card). I have tried to cut back in every possible place I could find but having a budget of $400 bucks a month on groceries for a family of 4 including an infant that needs diapers and formula is pretty much a joke. But it gets better... My wife had been hired to teach elementary school (what she used to do before she opened her own business) at a new private school that was opening up. Despite being a private school (which meant a lower salary and no benefits), it was better than what she was doing before. Sadly, not enough students registered for the school since the school was unable to get an old school building (they were going to start off in my church), so she doesn't have a job again. We are holding out against hope, more than likely, that a public school teaching job will come available before August but our odds are pretty slim. Worst case scenario is that she doesn't get a job (taking care of our son has been a full-time job for her) and I can make it for us by doing what I have been doing. Getting a raise would help (we didn't get one because of the economy ), but yea times are hard for us. One positive note, though, is that we are getting along better than we ever have and are working together as a team. Now granted she wouldn't be too happy if she knew I was telling a bunch of internet nerds and geeks all this stuff, but it isn't like she is ever going to meet anyone here and she doesn't know anybody off the site personally.
1 little bitty piece of advice: Get out of debt. Whatever it takes. Sell stuff, get another job, whatever. After slavery and government oppression, the biggest threat to freedom in the world is credit. I still have a mortgage, working on that, but the fewer obligations to banks that you have, the more liberated you are.
Send JV some food! (where you been, wes?) Seriously, I've certainly felt the way JV is feeling now. We waited a very long time to have our two kids and it's been tough. It can seem like things just keep piling onto your plate, until there can't be room for anything more. Then something else comes up, and it doesn't seem to end. We waited so long to have our children because we were having such a great time. I wistfully dream of those days, late at night when everyone is asleep. My wife and I had a good run. 20 years, just the two of us, traveling, going to concerts, doing whatever we felt like. Just a dream.
hell, I'm closing in on 39 and have 6 mos old daughter so I can kind of relate. But you guys with 4-5+ kids, Ay Caramba
Calgary. (Only part time, though.) I'm just really busy, and don't have time to get on the Internet at work. I'll check the site once/twice per day, but rarely have time to post.
You're paying about 4 student loans too many. The offspring should be able to get deferred loans (don't pay till after college) in their name, and you can just co-sign to help with their credit.
What kind of jobs are you looking for? What I mean to ask is, do you have any skills? Bow hunting skills, nunchak skills... etc.? Were you one of the recently laid off CF'netters? Fail. What's wrong with you, sir? I expect a different post from the thadeus in the Hangout than a simple complaint on society. Please try again.
Thanks for the advice, good and bad. Pipe's right; people want my help because I'm doing things right. I'm not saying I have it bad, because I've been managing to cover all my own responsibilities. It's just so much hustle. I'll keep my head down and keep plugging. Swoly, I'm looking at finance jobs in energy. Of course, I don't have time to actually look.
Not trying to be Debbie Downer here, but you should really be thankful for this. It's all about perspective. Something could happen tomorrow (God forbid) that could take this all away from you forever and you could end up longing for the way things USED to be (ie. NOW...) for the rest of your life. Sorry, man. We're still suffering a LOT and it kind of gets to me to see people with SO MUCH to be thankful for who are missing the big picture. Your first priority in life should be your wife and children. Everyone else is secondary, including your dysfunctional family. If your hand-holding is hurting your ability to be there for your wife and kids in any way, you need to cut it off.
not to say i don't agree with this, but jv seems like a guy who knows this. everyone, no matter how lucky they are or how good they have it have moments where they need to vent.
Oh, no doubt. I'm not complaining about having the wife or the children or the house or car or dog or the loans or even the extended family. I just mention it because those are the responsibilities I have already, and when a brother-in-law needs help, I can't drop any of those to help him. I want to help, but I feel like my hands are tied.
wow, the only kid i have is my lab. i had my niece and nephew over for 3 hours a couple of weeks ago and i couldn't take it anymore. they wore me out. i don't have a car payment (paid it off two months ago....YAH!) and no debt. when i did have debt it was a killer though. i was missing payments b/c i wasn't working but eventually got back on my feet. i do have a g/f so that's kind of a debt. anyhow, thanks guys for making me feel so much better. seriously, i sometimes feel overwhelmed even though i don't have your responsibilities. but i guess i never have room to complain now.
It always goes that way. When I had my first child, I was begging for mercy within 3 days. I couldn't get the sleep I needed, the time to myself, the time with my wife. Now, when I hear new parents complaining, I laugh. How I wish I had as much sleep and time as I did when I only had to worry about one infant. Probably a decade from now, I'll think about this thread and how I had it so easy and was still complaining.
Got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack I went out for a ride and I never went back Did you not see this coming when you were making your life choices? Now, you just have to make the amount of effort that satisfies you; not everyone else. I'm sure your self-motivation will push you to exhaustion anyway. That's all you can do.
