Great posts Jeff. Those of us who post here a lot are for the most part really opinionated and not afraid to show it so its often hard for us to not give our opinion or express it any way but forcefully. Like you I think Swilkens is handling this really good and its a mistake for us to make too many assumptions. Swilkens hang in there and for what's its worth I think you're doing all of the right things.
OK. So yesterday, I can't get anyone to return my calls. The repair guy, Cingular, my brother, my son, my ex. My apt move-in has been pushed up 2 weeks. I spoke with my wife and we were actually talking in a peacful manner and she mentioned something that has just made my transition into bachelorhood more easy. She asked if I was at least a little excited about moving to new place. WHAAAAAATTTTTT!!!! What the hell is wrong with this woman? Come to think of it... What the hell is wrong with me? I have apparently slipped into some delusional state where people look forward to moving into smaller places, with no tax benefits and neighbors on every wall. I'm actually glad I heard that. It just helps me accept that this marriage is not a marriage, but a mind-job. And I started to think back a little. How many times have you had something that bothered you and you bring it up and it gets knocked back in your face? You might want to think about that as you and your beloved one drift into the retirement years. Well my friends, I can honestly say that I will not have to worry about it again with this woman and deep inside, it feels pretty good. Hiring people to fix the house and prepare it to sell. Picking my son up from work at 11, when I am beat to hell from the day. Transferring bills into their new addresses. Attempting to sell my truck for some fast cash. All this while I have deadlines to meet at work. Excited? You bet your ass I'm excited. If I get anymore excited I'll be going to a shrink for anxiety medicine.
Swilkins, I still wish you would rat out the cheating husband, but respect your decision not to. I just wish you all the luck possible, and how about the Rockets rally and win it all for the ole Swilky ? DD
swilkins -- ok..here's a silver lining...you don't have YOUNG children. your son is old enough to already have matured into his own person. he won't grow up not knowing you. looking for some positives.
Thanks. I know that things will get better, when I put the house behind me. I didn't plan on moving into a smaller place, this soon, and without my wife. I was pretty depressed yesterday, but when she said the comment about excitement, it was all I could take to keep from losing it. She mentions about not knowing what the future holds and that anything is is possible. I'm not sure she realizes how absolute her statement is. She hurt me. There is nothing but the future now and making a statement like that seems a bit redundant, IMO. I don't see dating in the immediate future. I have too much to think about and wouldn't be a very fun person. However, I fully intend on meeting new people and enjoying life. I will soon have the freedom to do as I please. I plan on being a better person. Not the one that was over-consumed by actions I had no control over. Not anymore.
I'm on the fence on whether to tell him or not...I agree with "what comes around goes around", but at the same time, there's nothing wrong with a little push to get you there... Just remember women are crazy and they always will be...She may think that the new place is like being a kid again and being free...That being said, you just have to make the best of your situation...It wouldn't hurt to go out on a date or just go out to get away from your troubles, if only for a little while...
one last thing DON'T LOOK BACK!! I would hope that you *never* accept her back or try to rekindle anything doesn't seem to be possible you seem to have a handle on it but every time I've ever tried to do it again . . everything came back but worse Rocket River
Let me tell you from experience that you should NOT rush anything when it comes to dating. Not only will you be a disaster for a while, but you will pick people (conciously or otherwise) who will just feed into your crazy. Nothing wrong with dating casually, but beware of your feelings of wanting a relationship. Studies have shown that men over the age of 30 (like us), on average, are re-married much more quickly than women. As the age increases, the gap widens between men and women who re-marry. By jumping into ANYTHING, you run the risk of making things worse. It was six months before I went out with anyone, another six before I went out with someone I considered a "girlfriend" and nearly another six months before I met someone I feel has a chance to be a realistic long-term relationship. I not only needed time to figure things out for myself, but I had to completely re-evaluate what I wanted in a partner and relationship. I mean, I spent 12 years in a relationship I thought wouldn't end and it did, so clearly I was off somewhere. It took me more than a year to really figure out not only what I liked, but what was good for me. Even then, it was a bit of a crap shoot. All I'm saying is to be patient and try not to focus on that for a while. Just get your life together and enjoy yourself.
One thing I am trying to do to help is listening to more music. In the past, I really enjoyed singing and felt freedom in it. I might pick up my guitar soon and actually learn to play it like I've always wanted, without worrying that I was going to wake up my wife. I plan to only watch the shows on TV that interest me and try to limit even that. I'll have plenty of reflection time, soon.
swilkins, sorry you're going through this, but, it is what it is and you seem to realize it. things will get better if you keep up with the attitude and especially the abstinence from alcohol. do you realize how not drinking has helped you out in a very bad situation? think about how it will also help you out when things are better. these benefits, such as weight loss and less need for sleep could very well be temporary. stick with it and good luck to you bud. and in words better than my own: Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face Do You Realize - we're floating in space Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know You realize that life goes fast It's hard to make the good things last You realize the sun doesn't go down It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh Do You Realize - that everyone you know Someday will die And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know You realize that life goes fast It's hard to make the good things last You realize the sun doesn't go down It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face Do You Realize
Cheers to you good fellow. 20 years devoted to your family and as a result you have a son that cares alot about you. Cheers!
Life is strange. You think you have everything figured out - you think you have a plan, but then something happens that just changes everything. You try to make the best of things, but sometimes it seems like you are dealt a losing hand time and time again. I feel for ya bro. I know its hard, but you are DEFINITELY doing the right thing for yourself and your son. Thats just a bad situation and reconciliation is hard. Just try and do things for yourself - find out what you want. Be happy for a while. The weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. I have to be completely honest - Im scared sh!tless of getting married.
I feel the same way, but actually seeing swilkins attitude when he says something like this: gives me hope. Very admirable on his part.
Get an attorney...You could use the same one, but be careful as I'm not sure ya'll will agree on some things... I had temporary orders that were the basis of my final decree...Watch out for her trying to get $$$ to "pay the bills" if you still have your house...You should also split 50/50 all expenses, inlcluding the credit card debt and of course, she should get half of the debt...Just read the fine print...
We have come to an agreement. I just want to get it in writing and keep anything else from happening. I'm pretty sure I need an attorney for the separation agreement.
