Yes, I know. I feel very fortunate we were not in that type of situation. I know people who have been (including my parents) and it was a tragedy for many reasons. Keep in mind that we came to this decision a month ago and I've been dealing with it since. So, from an emotional standpoint, I'm pretty far along. For obvious reasons, I'm not going to get into every detail of how our relationship broke down. Not only would it be inappropriate in a public forum like this, but it would be boring as hell!
I've heard, and I have no idea of the validity of this, that for every year a couple has been together, it takes that number of months to get over said person after breaking up.
damn sorry for the both of you. but if this is for the best it is good you two made this change. good luck to the both of you. i'm glad to hear the breakup was a clean one, and you both dicided that a it should happen. hope the both of you will find hapiness
While I don't know you personally, I enjoy reading your posts and I think you are a very nice and reasonable person. One of my close friend is going through a divorce too, and it's not amicable at all. I'm sorry for what has to happen, but I'm glad that you have sorted things out. I wish the best for both of you.
That's interesting. I hadn't heard that. I think it will be harder for us to get over just being around each other 24/7 and having that closeness than the "relationship." That's a big reason it is important to us that we remain friends. I'm definitely not ready to jump into any big time relationships and won't probably be anytime soon - that's for damn sure.
Jeff, Sorry to hear about that...Great that you don't have kids, but it doesn't make it any easier...Well, I would suggest you guys try to remain friends, as it will make the proceedings that much smoother...Its funny you mention that you guys make better friends as that is exactly what I'm thinking about my situation...I still love her and always will, but its different...We got married young and have simply grow apart... It's taken me a while to get to the point where I think its ok to be friends, but glad i'm there...However, since we're still not finished with the divorce, it makes it that much harder for trust to remain as there is still this underlying mis-trust going on...Last thing remaining is splitting the assets up, which is going to be a pain in the arse... btw, the single world isn't what its cracked up to be...A lot of freaks and wierdo's, but as long as you take a step back and don't compare them to your ex, you'll do fine...Anyway, wish you both the best and god bless...
Although there are never any “winners”, A professional fortune cookie writer once said: “Whoever finds another person first will be depressed least”
Before this thread dies (as it should), I just wanted to thank everyone for your support. You guys rule.
Yeah, you've always been one of the guys I've had most respect for... and it seems that you are trying hard to stay on good terms with your wife, which can definitely be a hard thing sometimes... when you married, were you both deeply and madly in love and it just kinda went away? Just wondering considering that I'm 22 right now and in a very serious relationship.
Wow, I kept just skipping over this thread thinking it was just another "high school" tragedy and since I've been single for what seems like forever I was just thinking, "Hey join the club" but damn Jeff, sorry things didn't work out for, I don't pretend to know you but here's some random internet dude wishing you the best in life man. Good luck, Bro!
Well, we were friends first, which was great. I don't think things really just "go awry" after being together 12 1/2 years. One thing I would recommend is that you analyze everything up front - all the important stuff: kids, money, family problems, health, goals, where you want to live, sex life, religion, friends, career, committment to your relationship, personality style, what you view as valuable and necessary in your life...everything. It is important to be totally honest about everything so you know where you stand. When I say we have different ideas about what relationships are supposed to be, there are bits and pieces of everything mixed in there. A lot of it just comes down to how you view yourself and what you view are your personal ideals for living. The problem is that you just don't always know at 22 or even 32. All I can say is that you need to be TOTALLY honest about who you are, what you want and where you are going - at least at the point and time where you are - AND understand that there is no way to predict how things will turn out in any part of your life so flexibility and patience are really important. In other words, be true to yourself and your principles, but be willing to adjust your view of the world and be flexible when necessary. I know that isn't exactly easy, but it sure does make life interesting.
Jeff, I don't know you except from your posts here, but let me just say I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. I've watched three siblings go through divorce and I know it's rough. That had a lot to do with why I waited till I was in my mid 30's to get married. I have to say it scares the hell out me to hear about two good people who have been together for more than a decade and then split up. Anyway Best Wishes
Jeff, You don't know me from a hole in the ground. That said, 12.5 years in a very big investment, I really hope both of you have really, really, really thought this through. Mars & Venus man, Mars & Venus. Good Luck. Jack P.S. The living together and still being able to date thing.....Never work.
That's a point.... 12.5 years is a looooong time. How come you didn't find out till now? Hmmm... I think we pretty much hit on every level but ambitions, dreams, career, wants, all these things change over time. I hope we will keep on running parallel.
I'm thinking this wasn't posted so Jeff could get marital advice...but rather just to advise on the change of status. Let's leave it at that.
LOL - NEITHER! I appreciate all the questions and "advice," but trust me when I say we have been through everything discussed here already more than once. While I would exactly put it how Max did (thanks, bud!), I would say that the personal stuff that lead to this is something I would NEVER air in a public forum. Our friends understand and we understand. That's enough.
And, hopefully, so Jeff could get a little support from his bbs family. It helps to know someone cares at a hard time, even someone on the Internet. And this can't have been easy... after such a long relationship. Looks like they made this decision a while back and have had time to get used to it. Sometimes I think about doing the same thing, but it's just too strange after sharing our lives for so long... and that's only 10 years. Sometimes people make ill-advised decisions when they're young, realize this within the next few years, but try to stick it out. The years can really add up. I know it's somewhat reasonable to cut your losses if the relationship just isn't going anywhere (or where you want it to go), and never will. Jeff has said several times that he isn't going to go into it at length. How many of you would like your personal life, every last detail, laid out on the bbs for all to see? I don't think too many people would feel comfortable with that. I know it's human nature to speculate... but keep the speculation to yourselves. (just trying to say the right thing... which isn't easy, especially in a typed conversation with people you've never met face to face)
