That's not how it goes. I can't remember all of the real one, but it's not that. Mine and Lynus' favorite... "They're real and they're spectacular!"
i can't believe the episode about the library book hasn't been mentioned yet! this might be the funniest seinfeld (at least my all-time favorite.) there are so many funny quotes in this one...and the "library cop" character? classic.... bookman: (angry) "yeah, '71. that was my first year on the job.. bad year for libraries. bad year for America. hippies burning library cards, abby hoffman telling everybody to steal books. i don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. rock was never my bag. but you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the new york public library, fella." lmao!
and another one... bookman: "...'what's this guy making such a big stink about old library books?' Well, let me give you a hint, junior. maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. maybe. sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the cat in the hat and the five chinese brothers? Doesn't he deserve better? look. if you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. this is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! (pauses) or, maybe that turns you on, seinfeld"
Jerry: Kramer, what's in the briefcase? Kramer: Crackers. Kruger: I seemed to have locked myself out of the office again. Well, that's it: I'm going home.
[Jerry is talking to Seth at his apartment] Jerry:Seth, if you knew the meeting was so important why did you go the lunch with me? Seth:We're old college buddies. Jerry:I only knew you through Moochie. Seth:Hey Jerry don't worry about it, the important thing is that we got to catch up. Mind if I grab the want ads? Jerry:Actually I haven't read Tank McNamara yet. [Kramer and Jerry are talking in Jerry's apartment. ] Jerry:If I'm gonna live over there, you gotta take some of this stuff out. I mean this thing is really freaking me out. I feel like its gonna come to life in the middle of the night and kill me. [Jerry holds up a doll] Kramer: Mr Marbles|? he's harmless. Jerry:And one other thing, I don't want Newman using my... [ Jerry is interupted by the sound of a toilet flush, out comes Newman from the bathroom] Jerry:Oh no. Newman:Nice place you got here Kramer a man can really got some thinking done. Jerry:Well don't get too comfortable, as soon as Seth gets a real job you two are gong back in that chicken supernova. [Jerry puts on giant sunglasses and goes to Kramer's apartment. Newman starts eating chicken] Kramer: (To Mr. Abbott) How ya doing? Mr. Abbott: Hey Kramer. Julie: Oh Mickey. Excuse me, I can't take this. (She exits quickly) Jerry: Hi, Mr. Abbott. Mr. Abbott: That's Dr. Abbott, D.D.S. Tim Whatley was one of my students. And if this wasn't my son's wedding day, I'd knock you teeth out you anti-dentite b*stard. Beth: What was that all about? Jerry: Oh, I said something about dentists and it got blown all out of proportion. Beth: Hey, what do you call a doctor who fails out of med school?
George: Oh, it's got cache, baby. It's got cache out the ying yang! ------ Elaine: Peterman went to Burma. Kramer: Burma? Jerry: Myanmar... Kramer: What is that, the discount pharmacy? ------ Newman: Don't you find it odd that your package was damaged in shipping when that rarely happens. Jerry: Define rarely. Newman: Frequently. ------ George: Hi. My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents. ------ George: This condo would have been mine? Wick: Yes. George: And now? Wick: Not. ------ Jerry: I think Tim Whatley may have converted to Judiasm purely for the jokes. Priest: And this offends you as a Jew? Jerry: No, it offends me as a comedian. from the same episode... Tim: Jerry, it's our sense of humor that has sustained our people for 3000 years. Jerry: 5 thousand Tim: Even better! Oh, there are SO many.
Girl when talking to Jerry about her breasts... "They are real and they are SPECTACULAR !!!" DaDakota
Elaine: Aren't you the least bit concerned that I'm going to hell? Puddy: It's gonna be rough. Puddy: Hi-five!!
ah, my favorite show George- Why couldn't you make me an architect? You know I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect. Jerry- The key to eating a black and white cookie, Elaine, is you want to get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie. All our problems would be solved. George- If Relationship George walks through this door, he will kill Independent George. A George divided against itself cannot stand. Jerry- You know, I've been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately, my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the place. george- Horse manure's not that bad. I don't even mind the word manure. It's newer, which is good, and a ma in front of it. Ma-Newer. When you consider the other choices, manure is actually pretty refreshing.
Believe it or not, George isn't at home. Please leave a message, at the beep. I must be out, or I'd pick up the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home. George: I calculated my chances of ever getting together with a Portuguese waitress, and, mathematically, I had to do it. Jerry: If you aren't going on, why did you even come down here? George: To tell you about the Portuguese waitress. Jerry (sacastically): It's good to have you back. Kramer: My friend Jay Rhumenschneider eats horse all the time, he gets it from his butcher. Kramer: My friend Bob Sakimano had rabies once. You don't want that. George: ... and then you head into the solarium. Susan's mother: Two solariums? George: That's right. Jerry: What do I have to do to put you two in a relationship? George: Then we trade Williams and O'Neill for Griffey and we would have Bonds and Griffey in the same outfield.
The entire 'Kramerica' episode with the mustard and ketchup in one bottle, and collecting the oil in a balloon thing ... don't remember quotes but the whole episode rocks. My all time favorite is when the telemarketer calls and Jerry tells him that he is busy and if he could have his home phone to call back. Classic! Everytime a telemarketer calls, I think of doing it, but don't have the balls to do it :-(
Kramer: It seems NYU wants to provide their students with some real-world work experience. Jerry: But you only offer fantasy-world work experience. -- Jerry: Hi, Darren, this is Jerry from Jerry's office. I was calling to tell Mr. Kramer that we're going to be three for lunch today. Darren: Mr. Kramer's already left. (Kramer walks in) Jerry: Hey, Elaine's going to be joining us for lunch. Kramer: When did this happen? Darren! (Kramer storms back to apartment) -- Kruger: George, I don't know what it is, but lately you have just been "on". You always leave me wanting more. -- Kruger: I'm not too worried about it. -- Morty: My wallet's gone! My wallet's gone! -- George: Touch this, feel that, 75 bucks. What, am I seeing Sinatra in there? Am I being entertained? That's 75 bucks. I'm only paying half. Jerry: You can't do that. He's a doctor, you have to pay what he says! George: I pay what I say. --
Well, if you're so insistent on correcting people without having the correct answer youself, you can do like the old lady in <i>Happy Gilmore</i>, and have a warm glass of shut the hell up...
LOL!!!!!!! That was hilarious. To complete the thought.... <i>Believe it or not, George isn't at home, Please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or I'd pick up the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home.</i>
From the episode where Kramer suspects that Jerry's girlfriend is a phone sex operator. Jerry: Ah, you're crazy. Kramer: Am I? Or am I so sane that you just BLEW your mind? Jerry: It's impossible. Kramer: Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is SPINNING like a top?! Jerry: It can't be! Kramer: Can it?! Or is your entire world just CRASHING DOWN ALL AROUND YOU?!!! Jerry: Alright, that's enough. Kramer: YEEEEAAAAHHH!!! From the episode when George gets engaged. Jerry: I had a very interesting lunch with George Costanza today. Kramer: Really? Jerry: We were talking about our lives, and we both kind of realized we're kids. We're not men. Kramer: So then you asked yourselves, 'Isn't there something more to life?' Jerry: Yes, we did. Kramer: Yeah, well let me clue you in on something... There isn't. Jerry: There isn't? Kramer: Absolutely not. I mean, what are you thinking about, Jerry, marriage? Family? They're prisons! Man-made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning, she's there. You go to sleep at night, she's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. 'Is it alright if I use the bathroom now?!' And you can forget about watching TV while you're eating. Jerry: I can? Kramer: Oh yeah. You know why? Because it's dinnertime, and you know what you do at dinner? Jerry: What? Kramer: You talk about your day. 'How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know, how about you, how was your day?' The way Kramer says his lines is just hilarious.
