A combination of Jeff's and Fatty's approach will work best. Fatty is right on that you probably should just go ahead and cut it off given you've tried to talk about it in the past, but as mentioned, you have a lot invested, so... Try once mroe to sit down and talk about it. But have a clear plan going in that if she cuts it off, then it's over, if she avoids the topic, then it's over, etc. The only way it shouldn't be over is if she sits down and acutally has an adult conversation with you about it, which is very unlikely.
You had me at "my girl here" <- does that mean you have a girl "there" too? OR [semi-serious] Señor Pun, Did all these problems start before or after you started having problems with your computer(s)? Did this problem occur because you spent so much time fixing your computers (I remember all the threads, mind you)? Just trying to help. OR [seriously] Dude... as soon as she started to "go out with the friends", you should have started taking THEM out of the picture... not making up stuff, but trying to go out MORE with your girl than she was with them. I say she's lost interest in you, buddy... I'd hate for that to happen to ANYONE at all, but... I 90% agree with FAOS... I am more for "stay together" stuff, but I agree with him... :/
I'd have to agree with Fatty. If she's unresponsive to attempts to talk about the issue, dump her and be done with it. She's just wasting your time now. If nothing else, it would force her to confront the problems in the relationship. And, I wouldn't rule out the possibility she's cheating on you too.
Talk about it? You guys serious? The mans already cooking and watching lifetime. Show her no interest, become less available and be content with living your own life. Basically break up with her but just don't tell her.
I agree with just about everything said above so let me just repeat what I feel to be the most vital. Communication: Sit her down, tell her everything you're thinking, feeling, etc. If she blows it off with something like "I don't feel like talking about this" or "you're overreacting" dump her immediately. If she's not going to take this seriously end it. Let her know there's nothing wrong with her spending time with her friends. That being said.... Sacrificing: This is my big pet peeve, yeah spend time with your gals, go clubbing, whatever but don't tell me you can't take a trip with me and then go on one with these friends. As soon as a relationship takes on the "you're putting more into it than she is" it's time to really look hard about where this is going. Has she not dated, partied, clubbing much in the past? Is she still pretty young or inexperienced in that regard? If you have and you're looking for a more settled relationship and she's not, then it's almost certaintly over. To me relationships are all about timing, if you're both looking for the party lifestyle it works. If you're both looking to settle down then it works. If one is one stage and one the other......I've never seen it work. Best of luck.
Agree with most of what has been said Lil Pun. But the problem is not her, it's you. There's only room for one b**** in a relationship.
For those of you who want him to "sit down and talk it out with her", it would work only when he REALLY cares for her. I'd say he doesn't and am willing to read someone else's opinion. Writing a long post to show what went on does NOT constitute caring... This reminds me of what the Japanese say in Pearl Harbor (the movie, not the place): "We [no longer] have the element of surprise." Pun, buddy, STRIKE FIRST. You have the element of surprise. Don't let HER dump YOU.
Damn Pun I went through the exact same crap with a girl a few months ago whom I was with for a couple of years. She pulled the same stuff. Everyone else was more important than me. She would take off angry when I tried to confront her and nothing would ever get solved other than her making me feel like crap for staying with her bratty azz. I didn't want to believe that she could just stop liking me when at one point in time she was speaking of moving in having children etc. These girls don't know what they want. When they act this way they are letting you know it damn sure isn't you anymore. So move on like most of the other posts in here have said. Life is too short to waste on someone that could care less if you vanished from the face of the earth today.
understatement of the century. From JUST what Lil Pun has said, I only have one phrase of advice for him: whatever you do.....wrap that willy!
Yeap, that's what I was thinking too. There's something seriously wrong here. Maybe she is having committment issues and is missing the single lifestyle, or she has found someone else and can't quite let go of those 3 years yet.
I tend to think reciprocity is one of the most crucial components of healthy relationship. If she is not even reciprocating your effort to reconcile and repair the relationship, you might want to consider calling it a night and moving on. Don't look at this as throwing 3 years away -- if you enjoyed the time you spend with her, you've lost nothing for the time the two of you were together.
Your situation is eerily similar to a friend of mine, except he was with her for 7 years. She pretty much slighted him in favor of partying with her friends. He didn't want to give up on the relationship either after such a long time, despite our advice. After wasting a few more months, he finally learned she had been cheating on him. You've been demoted on her priority list. She's taking you for granted now. It's best to cut your losses. If she won't talk to you or take you seriously, you really don't have much of a choice. It's one thing to compromise in a relationship, but I don't think you should have to sacrifice like you've mentioned. Lifetime? Geez, what's next, Women's Entertainment Channel?
I very rarely jump on the "dump her" bandwagon (should we just call it the 'dump truck' ?) However... You mentioned that you have already tried to talk to her about this in the past and she "tells you you should break it off with her if you are unhappy" That right there is a huge warning sign. It states that she does not value your relationship at all. It shows how immature and manipulative she is - challenging you to end the relationship when she knows you don't want to. The truth is - she doesn't want to be in the relationship any more. And, rather than breaking it off, she's just going to lead a single-style life as long as she can until you break it off. Fatty is right - get out now, before it gets worse (and it WILL get worse. A LOT worse). Be thankful that you're taking actions now, not later. But before you dump her, be sure you do the pre-dump routine: Separate all your stuff from hers, starting with the most precious items. Be sure that all your sexy pics and video of her are secured, make sure your money and precious items are secured, etc... -- droxford
This is very good advice. The key thing is knowing what you want to say going in and the resolve to end it right there if she won't engage the conversation.
UPDATE: After thinking about it I had her read this entire thread and afterwards asked for her input. We sat down and actually talked about a lot of stuff, we talked for over 2 1/2 hours. and she actually didn't run away or dismiss it. Many of you hit the nail on the head when saying she has commitment issues because she said that is what was worrying her. After talking about it we decided to simply take a break for a couple of weeks. She said she needs the time to see if it's what she actually wants. I asked if it was to see other people and she said no then I asked if she wanted to do what her friends do (sleep around) and she also said no. Hopefully it will work out for the best but if not then I must move on. I'll update you on any new news in the situation.
