So I've been debating for the past few days if I should post this on here or not, and I've finally decided you guys are the best advice... I think I've posted about this girl on the board before, and we've been dating on and off for a little more than a year. I've had a thing for her for about 5, but we stopped talking for a while and I had my fair share of different girls, but ever since we started talking again I undoubtedly wanted to be with her. So we got back together this summer and we would constantly see each other, and I would see her an often amount. I met all her friends this time, and vice versa, thing were really looking great. All of a sudden we have a talk and she feels like it's going too fast... That's fine, but it's also her fault for taking it that fast too, considering most of the time she was making the dates etc etc. Also, just today when I tried to tell her what's up in my head, more specifically that it definitely seems like she needs to get a tune up in terms of all of this, she turns around a gets upset and rude because I'm not the best at verbalizing myself in these situations... A lot of you will say to can her, break up, or whatever, but it's definitely not at that point yet. How do I hold my ground, and turn the tables around here?
Not sure what your age is, but regardless, if she cuts it off, you do same. More than likely she will call you. Women are like that. If she doesn't, it really was over. Don't think for a second that sending a poem or flowers or going stalker on her will work like in the movies. It doesn't. Give her her space. If you must, send her a message saying that you respect her space and although you love her, you understand and are moving on.
Going too fast means she's either afraid of getting hurt or afraid of hurting you. She could be afraid of getting hurt if she's got a past relationship that she hasn't come to terms with and that ended badly. She could be afraid of hurting you if she thinks that your feelings for her or more pure than hers are for you, e.g. she's still in love with someone else. Either way, she's insecure about the relationship. The only thing you can do positively is show strength and make her want to stay on your team. Be the man you were that got you in her pants in the first place.
You need to make sure you communicate with her and let her know exactly how you see things have played out from your point of view. Ask her how she views the the situation from her side. When you put yourselves in each other's situation, it becomes much easier to find a solution. Communication is the most important factor in a healthy relationship.
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The best thing to do is ignore your feelings or concerns for now. You gave her control over the relationship. relax and be more of a "guy" about it (now im not saying that your being girly about it or anything like that ) what i mean about a guy about it, is that girls like a guy who doesnt care, its up to the girl to want to have talks no matter how much you are dying to know what shes thinking. relax. kick back and let her come to you, pretend it doesnt bother. dont apologize just play along. regain control of the relationship. as much as women say it, they dont like sensitive men.
yeah I agree with everyone's suggestion of going to a strip club and forgetting about her. Or so that's what I interpreted anyways. She'll call eventually.
This is so true. SO true. If you start acting stoic about the whole thing, she will come to you. Even if you really are a sensitive kind of guy, pretend like you're not. I'm not saying be an *******, just back off and let her come to you. If she doesn't, so be it. That's the kind of attitude you have to have.
ooops. I didn't meant to submit that post yet. Anyway, since you said it's not to the break up point yet.. just relax. People stress out about relationships too much. If you're with a person who really cares about you and you're feelings, things will just work out. If the person doesn't care about your feelings, you can tell and you should get outta there.
wreck is pretty much right on. You see... women talk a bunch of crap like how awesome it would be to have a guy who is in touch with his feelings, and his feminine side and all that... but really what they are attracted to is a guy who is confident (and some of them prefer downright cocky) and will really handle things well. Its just human nature. Women freak out, and guys are supposed to "just deal" Some Women get all emotionally unstable and they depend on men to be a solid rock, a constant source of encouragement, some sort of shining example that life isn't really so bad. So when you start pouring your heart out, she'll like that you're communicating with her... but if you start droning on and on about how you just can't deal with this and that and you feel like this is effecting that... she's probably gonna start to panic a little bit and think you're a p***y. Just let her bring things up, and communicate but don't start sharing your problems too like you are one of her girlfriends. You are placing yourself out of the role of the man she subconsciously craves when you freak out about stuff... and its difficult to get yourself back to that point. If all else fails, she's probably extremely insecure with low self-esteem like the other 80% of them, so just treat her like **** and she'll stick by you no matter what.
Moe is right. Basically all that crap you see in the movies and TV is nonsense. Women will say they want a sensitive man, a man that shows he cares, etc. But honestly I have seen just the opposite. The girls I was open with usually ran all over me or suddenly got "scared". The ones that I didn't communicate with, didn't open up to initially, came off as kind of cocky or a jerk wanted to be with me even more. It seems stupid, and it is, but that is how it is.
I don't know if i subscribe to this line of thinking that women can't deal with you telling them how you feel. Maybe this is true for most of them. Okay, it probably is, but anyone worth spending time with should allow you to fully express yourself. And if you feel you need to do that, and she doesn't like it then maybe she isn't the person you need to be with. Unless, of course you really are being a p***y. NOBODY likes that.
IMHO.... "things are moving too fast" = I like some of the stuff we do, but I don't feel THAT strong of a connection to you. I strongly recommend that avoid starting sentences with "You need to...". I agree that you should back off and put the ball in her court. Just say to her, "Okay, well, to help with your comfort level, you can control the pace of things with us." I agree that women (overall) don't like sensitive men. Avoid being too sensitive, but don't be insensitive, either.
Well I don't think they can't deal with you sharing your feelings, thats just silly. Effective communication is one of the most vital parts of a successful relationship. You will most likely know how she feels, but you in turn need to be careful how often you let her know what you feel. She needs the security blanket. What I'm saying is that you can't act like a chick and expect your chick to still treat you like the man.
Can you clarify the situation? I just want to make sure I'm reading it correctly since some of the replies went down a path that I'm not sure is relevant to what you're asking. 1) She talks to you about going to fast. 2) You go, "Whaaaat?! Going to fast?! YOU'RE THE ONE GOING TO FAST!!! You always make the dates and try to come see me every single day. If anyone is going too fast, it's you!" 3) Girl gets angry because you called her out and she doesn't want to take any responsibility for the relationship. Right/Wrong?
