Achebe's "family secrets" thread got me to thinking about my family and wondering something... If your family members weren't part of your family, how many of them would you like enough to consider them friends? How many would make no difference to you at all? How many would you just simply despise? In this, I excluded parents and siblings because, most of the time, they are so much a part of who we are that it would be difficult to separate them from our lives. Let's just leave this to extended family; aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. I determined that I would only really be interested in pursuing relationships with a handful of relatives on my mother's side of the family... Great Uncle Warren and Aunt Lois My uncle worked for the World Bank for many years and was, prior to that, in politics in his home state of Nebraska. He and my aunt have lived in Alexandria, Virginia for many years (just across the Potomac from DC) and have travelled the world. They were a block from Tienamen Square the day of the protests there. They could see it from their hotel window. They are conservative, kind and wonderfully accepting. 2nd Cousin Tom Tom is the son of Warren and Lois, is gay and lives in Washington, DC. He works for the Core of Engineers searching for stable, safe sources of well water. He and his partner, Lee, are great people. Great Uncle Doc and Aunt Jean These are two terrific people who live outside of Denver. My uncle was a motorcycle cop for the Colorado State Police for many, many years. Despite being well into his 70's, he still rides his Harley regularly. My aunt has a wonderful sense of humor. This is the man who taught me how to shoot pool. 2nd Cousin Jim He is the son of Doc and Jean and lives in LA with his wife. He is a former correspondent for CNN who now works in a limited reporting role for Paramount in Hollywood due to a heart attack he suffered several years ago. He looks like David Letterman and sounds like that anchor that used to be on Murphy Brown. He knows just about everything there is to know about the news and politics since part of his beat for CNN was Congress. 2nd Cousin Dan and his wife, Lindy I don't know Dan and Lindy well, but know that they are kind, wonderful people who live in Colorado near Boulder. Dan is the younger son of Doc and Jean and he and Lindy are Buddhists. They are both teachers as well and live fascinating lives. Beyond that, I honestly could not come up with a single person I would want to have as a friend or even acquaintence. Most of my father's side of the family (as well as the rest of my mother's) is dominated by... Ultra-right wing conservative Christianity Alcoholism Racism or a combination of any of the three above. I honestly don't think most of them care for me either, so, I guess it is mutual. Anybody else care to take a crack at this one? ------------------ Things do not change; we change. - Henry David Thoreau
My Great Aunt Thelma (mother's father's sister) - She is like 88 years old and is taking care of four of her great grandchildren while their parents both work. She walks for like five miles a day and just has such an interesting life. She lives in Arkansas, proving that not everyone from that state sucks. She used to come and visit every year, now it is more like every three since my grandfather, her brother, died. My Great Aunt Helen (sister to Thelma, mentioned above) - Living in Missouri. She is the only other living relative that really has bothered to visit, even my paternal grandparents have never met me. One of the nicest people that I have ever known. My Aunt Sherry, her children (Chance, Shane)and her Husband (Richard) - Sherry helped to raise me after my parents were divorced and my mom had to go back to work. She has been more of a parent to me than my father ever tried to be. My cousins and uncle get along well with me, although they don't mix well with my mom. ------------------ Liberals favor using artificial means to alter the normal to a state which facilitates and justifies how irresponsible they want to be
* My grandma Barbara. Believe it or not, one of the biggest influences in my life graduated from Bob Jones University. * My aunt Marsha and uncle Robert. They definitely helped pick up the slack as far as the 'family village' when my father came down with his mysterious illness: Smirnoff afifthatitis. * My cousin Chris. We grew up together... and though he's a republican bastid like everyone else in my family, he's at least a great listener, just like everyone else in my family. I don't really hang out with anyone from my father's side of the family, just b/c all of the matriarchs (that's interesting: patrilineal matriarchs) have deceased... so everyone's scattered when the holidays hit. ------------------ When this guy started smoking 40 years ago, people had no idea it was bad for you. People had to guess based on the hacking cough, shortness of breath, and bloody phlegm girl you looks good won't you mock that draft up?!
ooh i hate most of my family. a lot of them put on a show like they like you and stab you in the back for petty things. They told me many times when i was a kid, "blood is thicker than water", but i dont give a crap. I'm not going to spend time with people i dont care for or trust. here are the few people i like: my cousin- was like a brother to me when i was growing up, we have drifted apart, but thats easy to do when you are 500 miles apart for a few years. my step-father- I had this irrational hate of him when my mom was dating him. I was still getting over my dads death(like you ever get over something like that) and I just wanted to make sure my mom wasn't going to get hurt and i didnt know him. I was rough on him at first, but he is a cool dude. my Great Grandparents- damn they are old, and my great grandpa is so messed up- nearly blind and deaf, sick most of the time, but both of them are always in such good spirits. I wish i could have their brightness when im that old. after that everyone in my family(excluding my parents) stink. ------------------ .,.·^*'´'|'\..........,.·^*'´¯¯¯'`*^·,...,/|'`*^·-, '|.......'|::\......,·'.....,.·:*:·,......'`i:'|.......| '|.......'|:::|.....;.......':,:::,:·.......';:|.......| '|.......|::;i - ·;i'`:,......¯¯.......,·´|::|.......| '|.......'´.......'|'i:::`*:~·.–·~^*'´: :'|::|.......'`*·-, '|........,.-:^:':'\:'`:;:: :: : : : :: ::;·'i::/`':^·.,......`'i '|..,.:'´:::::::::::'\| '`*^~·:–:·~^*'´..'|/:::::::::'`:^:., | '´:;:::::::::;:-·^*'´.....................`'*^·:;-.....:;·' ....`·;:·'´........................................'`^·:;·´
I would like none of my family, except immediate (mother, father, sister -- but even she stretches it! ). That is all there is to say about them, they are not worth any more words. ------------------ I have just realized that the stakes are myself I have no other ransom money, nothing to break or barter but my life my spirit measured out, in bits, spread over the roulette table, I recoup what I can nothing else to shove under the nose of the maître de jeu nothing to thrust out the window, no white flag this flesh all I have to offer, to make the play with this immediate head, what it comes up with, my move as we slither over this go board, stepping always (we hope) between the lines
My grandfather: The single best man I've ever met. He's kind, to everyone, and one of those old southern gentleman that strikes up a conversation with everyone he meetes. He's so charming, that they don't even seem to mind. My friends all love the guy, too. I used to think he was just a nice old man who gave me lots of presents... but then when I was like 18 and getting cynical about religion, I accidentally mentioned it to him. Little did I know the guy's brilliant! I can talk about anything under the sun with him, and he's read tons of books about it, and has his own thoughtful opinion, despite the fact that he worked 60 hours a week for Stewart & Stevenson all his life - not the job he wanted, but the one that paid well enough for him to support his family well. He was an accountant there for years. Delightful man . My aunt, uncle, and cousins - nice people, but extremely bourgeois. They're like the brady bunch, just slightly more upper class. Very prototypical American family. Cousins all play baseball and football for their hs teams, go to Texas. They live in one of those cookie cutter houses in Austin, and my Uncle's an engineer for an oil company. Bleh. But I still like them all. Uncle Harvey and Aunt Sandra- Harvey was a higher-up in the EPA for years. That's why I want to go into the EPA, actually. He served as a judge there for arbitration, and feels satisfied with his life. Cousin Stacey - only member of my dad's family that I like since his parents died. She's a lesbian, and the office manager for a democratic congressman in Arizona (I think), I've lost touch with her a bit since I have nothing to do with my dad's family. Uncle Ben and Aunt Stella, cousin Francisco - Ben was an ambassador to South Africa for a while, and lived all across the world while working for the state department. Really knowledgeable guy, although very strict. Stella's a wonderful cook, and very nice. Francisco's a bit of a good ole boy, but he's still nice, smart, and fun to play basketball with . Other peripherals who I like, but I'm not close enough to to say much. One redneck on my mom's side, lots of them on dad's (which is odd, since they're Italian... italian rednecks. weird). ------------------ Lacking inspiration at the moment...
I hate to say it, but I would probably not be friends with any of them. Not that I hate them or anything, but as it is right now I don't feel so close to them even. We just got back from a trip up to the relatives, and I was like "I've got nothing to say to these people -- they're just like some acquaintances that I have to act like they're people I care about" . . . Not that I don't care about them or don't like them, it's just that we really don't talk much, and we all live in TOTALLY different worlds. My grandmother "Dodo" is just an incredible, unbelievable person who I wish I could be as great as. Other than that, I could kindof take or leave the rest of my family. . . ------------------ blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Wow...... All this reminds me how thankful I should be for my relationships I have with my family. ------------------- I Don't know many people on my mother's side. She was an only child, and she never had a father so, no granddad. She did have a lot of cousins (of varying degrees), and they were all real nice people especially growing up. But, they (for the most part) are all rednecks (of the Polish variety). I don't listen to country music and I rarely associate with "rednecks". I try not to stereotype, as I always give people the benefit of the doubt, but I'd rather not be put in the situation to experience racism from my own family members, be they distant or not. My grandma is pretty cool. She's not the nicest person in the world.... far from it actually, but she has grown as a person and has never had a negative thing to say to me about my relationship with my wife (a Black woman), even though I know she harbored ill feelings towards just about anyone different than her (races, religions, nationality, you name it). She is now in poor health, both physical and mental, but she still calls and asks me and my wife to come and visit when we can. On to my Dad's side: He was the middle child of 8 (one died shortly after birth), so there's tons of aunts, uncles, and cousins, and I love them all. Some of them lean closer to the "redneck" way of life than the average Houstonian, but they all have the same way of accepting people for who they are. Oldest uncle: Ronan - He's amazing, and who I would consider my 'favorite' uncle. He was a Roman Catholic priest for many years and remained in furthering his education for 17 years. He came out of the closet in his mid-40s. I had no idea for a long time, even after he had come out to his siblings. Unfortunately, he also nevered told his parent (both of whom died fairly young mid-50s). I love talking to him. He is most likely the single most influent person when it comes to my near 180 degree change in terms of how I view homosexuality. I knew I loved him, and I knew he was gay (and how I felt about homosexuality). So, I had to figure out which one of those things matter. It wasn't a hard choice. Oldest aunt: Kay - Another amazing person. One of the most kind and loving people I know. She is a licensed therapist and has worked in Christian ministry for years along side her husband. Kay's children - I love them all. You have an odd mismash of people here. Oldest an ex-travelling choir singer (The Celebrant Singers - actual performed for the Pope once). A successful businessman and father is the oldest son. Next in the four is a daughter who happens to be a lesbian, and has always been super fun to hang out with. Youngest is a son and is very cool (maybe a little too much for his own good, but still a super nice guy). Well.... there really is too many people to continue, but I'd still want to maintain a relationship with all of my uncles and aunts and all of my cousins, even though there are a few that I don't know as well as I'd like, mainly because they are far younger than myself. ------------------ DREAMer's Rocket Page
I hate politics and religion. I love new people....anyone. If they want to talk politics/religion....then give it up. If you want to laugh...give it up. I have always thought it was easiest to find new ideas and friends outside of family. But, my friends kept dying. Losing friends reminds me that ideas and philosophies don't matter...really! Friends remind me that the beauty of life is to like something in everyone. Through that, I learned something that so many people ahead of us know by simple faith...Family is the foundation for everlasting bonding, peace, and self-understanding. If your step-family is not agreeable (save a few), yet your step-dad is pale and fungus ridden from chemotherapy and your mom wakes up at 5am each day to dress in her Sunday best to care for him in strength and beauty for his last 3 months...since the nursing staff sucks...and...then...she calls you to leave work one day to come hug her and help her vacate a *still* hospital death bed, and your step brothers arrive to hug you too... That is peace and respect for family. If your best friend calls you at 2 in the morning to say .... NO!!! ... someone's dead...and you can't speak from sadness for 2 days. If it happens again....again.... If separately, the FBI calls to interview you about Charlie the Achebe-esque family murderer...chaRLIE!!! lock the doors....uhhh...I'm so confused!!... that is learning. But that is NOT family. Forget the politics and religion...embrace your family like Achebe's grandmother is embracing her brother. Friends and family will show at the weddings. Family will show at the funerals. Find your peace,,,,and pass it along. Family is forever...Friends die...peace biscuit. [This message has been edited by heypartner (edited June 17, 2001).]
I'm really close to my dad's side of the family. He has 3 brothers and a sister - one of his brothers and his sister live 2 minutes away from our house, so we can conveniently go to thier houses and vice versa. I was wondering why most of you guys arent close to your family, and then I realized that most of your relatives dont live 5 minutes away from you like mine do. My dad's two other brothers live in California, and we still manage to stay relatively close to them. I think it's important to be close to your family, regardless of where they live. I mean, they're the only people you can turn to when your friends aren't there. I know that some of your relatives aren't the nicest people in the world, but I think it's still important that you keep in touch with them. crap this was completely off topic. sorry. oh well. ------------------
heypartner, thanks for the respect towards my grandmother.... she's worthy of any honor we can bestow. Unfortunately I just took her hair color (strawberry blond), none of the patience or forgiveness. ------------------ When this guy started smoking 40 years ago, people had no idea it was bad for you. People had to guess based on the hacking cough, shortness of breath, and bloody phlegm girl you looks good won't you mock that draft up?!
