No pun intended

For everyone's punning enjoyment. Feel free to add your own:


1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying
two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry,
gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of
Holsteins into low earth orbit?
They called it the herd shot 'round the world.

3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.
One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in
the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one,
naturally, became known the lesser of two weevils.

4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank proving once again that you
can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

5. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the
Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man
who shot my paw."

6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root
canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a
hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and
asked them to disperse. "But
why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because,"
he said, "I can't stand
chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

8. A woman has twins, and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes to
a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other
goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a
picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she
tells her husband that she
wishes she! also had a picture of Amal. Her
husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

9. These friars were behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone
liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town
thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down,
but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and
most vicious thug in town
to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the
friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close
up shop. Terrified, they
did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh,
can prevent florist friars.

10. And finally, there was a man who sent ten
different puns to friends, in
the hope that at least one of the puns would make
them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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Behad
Sergeant at Arms of the Clutch BBS

 

And what exactly are you doing up at this hour? At least I have to be here!


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Behad
Sergeant at Arms of the Clutch BBS

 

LOL! Best one yet! (Like I've never heard that before in chatrooms.)


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Behad
Sergeant at Arms of the Clutch BBS

 

You should have watched the Oscars last night. That would have put you to sleep.*

*Except for Steve Martin...I liked him better than Billy Crystal.



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Behad
Sergeant at Arms of the Clutch BBS