tough choice obviously when the kid is involved but if she is as terrible as you make her out to be then it may be in the best interest of the child to not be around her? i am sure she loves her child but being brought up in an environment where she is habitually lying/going behind her husband's back cant be good. of course if a divorce is filed your friend must get custody which will be easier said than done. i think the biggest thing will be to see how their relationship is going with the child. if your friend and their child are happy i think its probably best to stay out of it sometimes ignorance is bliss. If her infidelity is having a strain on their relationship than I think its probably better to come forward.
An anonymous letter to the cheating wife might be a good idea: I know what you are doing to [insert your friend's name]. You are a lying manipulator, and if you continue to exploit his trust you will be exposed. Think of your child, and put your family ahead of your own selfishness. Consider this a warning.
Hook up with her. Leave your wife. Marry her. Hook ex wife up with her ex husband. Deny her first child. Have second child. Shower second child with gifts on Christmas, give child 1 a pair of socks. PROFIT!
although the idea of a letter is a bit odd to me...i must admit, it would certainly be interesting and could be effective. The fact that she doesn't know who it is would certainly freak her out. But i'm afraid she would stop temporarily only to start up again later down the road.
Just stay out of it. Sheesh. It is no one's responsibility to play the relationship cop. If he doesn't know, it's probably because he doesn't want to know. These things blow up in their own good time; someone who "hates drama" has literally no reason to step in.
No offense durvasa, but I would avoid this. Xerobull's friend will eventually find out...and when he does, unless things are all proven by then, he will wonder why Xerobull didn't come to him first. And most reasons won't cut it. I think you have to go to your friend first out of respect to him. Unless you're willing to run the risk that you could mess up your friendship (and any chance of the truth coming out) if you don't manage to get the entire truth out of her in any confrontation.
Just do what you feel you need to do. Some people can stand by and watch, some will be eaten up by not telling their friend. Figure out which one you are and do it.
I like the anonymous letter idea. However, I think I should have mentioned that this is not a stupid girl. She's close to getting her PhD in some kind of biology. She also was raised with 8 other siblings in what I can only decipher from our conversations as a very Machiavellian family culture- the kids had to compete for the father's love. So if I were to send an email to one or the other, it would come out. And based on my friend's other friends, there are probably only two people who would send it. I don't feel comfortable standing by and watching this guy's life get hoodwinked. I'm not a nosy guy by any means, but I try to do what's right.
What kind of clues do you have? Maybe there's a way you can just nudge your friend toward the truth, there were previous incidents so he's got to be a little suspicious.
Be prepared to be rebuffed and have your friendship changed forever. Or the anonymous letter might do the trick, but you should danged well be sure BEFORE you say anything. There is a similar situation here in my neighborhood, but I just can't be 100% sure, so I just keep the suspicions to myself. Sometimes, it is someone else's business. DD
i think that's very telling. if you can't prove it, you're better off doing nothing. throwing accusations around could really do you more harm than good.
If you don't like drama I would suggest to just stay out it. I know you may think you are helping your friend but in the end it's their marriage.
I wouldn't mention anything to your friend based on a suspicion. You may ask leading questions or something. But without definite proof I wouldn't do anything else. It is his marriage, and could be a world of pain and heartache for your friend if you tell him. Be very careful. If you have proof then present the evidence, and let your friend come to the conclusion himself.
