My HR teacher read this out loud in class the other day. Some of it's pretty funny--thought I'd share. These quotes were taken from actual Federal (US) employee performance evaluations: · Since my last report this employee has hit rock bottom and started to dig · His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity · I would not allow this employee to breed · This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be · Works well when under constant supervision and covered like a rat in a trap · When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet · He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle · This young lady has delusions of adequacy · He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them · This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot · This employee should go far, and the sooner the better · Got a full six pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together · A gross ignoramus—144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus · He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless · He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier · I would like to go hunting with him sometime · He’s been working with glue too much · He would argue with a signpost · He has the knack for making strangers immediately · He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room · When his IQ hits 50, he should sell · If you see 2 people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one · A photographic memory but with the lens over the cap · A prime candidate for natural de-selection · Donated his brain to science before he was done using it · Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train ain’t coming · Has 2 brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it · If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week · If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change · If you stand close enough to him you can hear the ocean · It’s hard to believe that he beat out 1,000 other sperm · Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled · Takes him 1 ½ hours to watch 60 Minutes GO ASTROS!!