Handy Dictionary to decipher Personals Ads WOMEN'S ADS > > 40-ish........................49 > > Adventurer..............Slept with all your friends > > Athletic......................No t*** > > Average looking...............Has a face like a basset hound > > Beautiful.....................Pathological liar > > Contagious Smile..............Does a lot of Ecstasy > > Educated......................Banged her Political Science professor > > Emotionally Secure............On medication > > Feminist......................Fat ballbuster > > Free spirit...................Junkie > > Friendship first..............Trying to live down reputation as a slut > > Fun...........................Annoying > > Gentle........................Comatose > > Good Listener.................Borderline Autistic > > New-Age.......................All body hair, all the time > > Old-fashioned.................Lights out,missionary position only, no > BJs > > Open-minded...................Desperate > > Outgoing......................Loud and Embarrassing > > Passionate....................Sloppy drunk > > Poet..........................Depressive Schizophrenic > > Professional..................Certified b**** > > Redhead.......................Bad dye-job > > Reubenesque...................Grossly fat > > Romantic......................Looks better by candle light > > Social........................Has been passed around like an hors > > d'oeuvres tray > > Voluptuous....................Very fat > > Weight proportion w/height....Hugely fat - as tall as she is wide > > Wants Soulmate................Stalker-widow - drove first husband to > > suicide > > Young at heart................Old bat > > > > MEN'S ADS > > 40-ish........................52 and looking for 25-yr-old > > Athletic......................Watches a lot of sports on TV > > Average looking...............Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & > > back > > Educated......................Will patronize the **** out of you > > Free Spirit...................Banging your sister > > Friendship first..............As long as friendship involves sex > > Fun...........................Good with a remote and a six pack > > Good looking..................Arrogant > > Very good looking.............Thick as 2 short planks > > Honest........................Pathological Liar > > Huggable......................Overweight, more body hair than a bear > > Likes to cuddle...............Insecure mamma's boy > > Mature........................Older than your father > > Open-minded...................Wants to sleep with your roommate but > she's > > not interested > Poet..........................Wrote ex-girlfriend's no. in a phonebox > > Sensitive.....................Cries at chick flicks > > Very sensitive................Gay > > Spiritual.....................Got laid in a cemetery once > > Stable........................Arrested for stalking, but not convicted > > Thoughtful....................Says "Excuse me" when he farts > >
