As you may or may not remember, my girlfriend unexpectedly lost her father in October. She has been incredibly strong up to this point, but now is starting to get upset more and more often and it just seems like the death is finally becoming real to her. My question to you guys is: Should she see a counselor? We live in different cities and so I can't be there for her as much as I want. But yesterday she made the comment to me, "I just have so much pain and anger and I don't know what to do with it." She keeps mentioning that everyone she talks to either will tell her what she wants to hear, or will be afraid to talk about it. I have no real experience with deaths, but I figured some of you wise people could help me out. What (if anything) should I tell her to do? Thanks in advance.
Counseling can work for some and not for others. There is nothing that a counselor can do a person that is magical. A counselor is good at guiding a person to discover contentment and recovery, but it isn't like they do it for you.
It's tough to get over a death in the family, especially if the person greiving and the deceased were close. My advice is to have someone there that will just listen. She needs someone (in person) to let her emotions pour out along, she needs a shoulder to cry on. That's really all counselling is anyway, they pretty much ask how you feel and let you express yourself. If I were you I'd try to fly to where she is and be that shoulder. Just my opinion.
Just based on this small sample, I'd say counseling would be a good idea. I'm sure this time of year makes it that much harder and she might need someone she can feel like she can vent on without worrying about hurting anyone's feelings or damaging relationships.
sometimes, u just dont want to hear "its normal to feel that way" or "do this to feel better" sometimes, u just want to grieve, because acknowledging they're gone is accepting a life without them, and people don't want to move on that quickly, mourning makes you feel like you're still with them, it depends how strong your girl is, how she dealt with other things, then assess if a counselor would be okay... or maybe speak to her, let her know you're willing to help her get on the phone with her at night and talk about things that are not remotely related to her family or the death, and eventually things will get better, time heals all wounds
I don't think there is a ton of downside to counseling. one of my college roomates passed away when I was in college in a car accident. a bunch of us did counseling through the school together. in all, i didn't find it enormously helpful, but it didn't hurt things and took some time.
not unless you apply some antibiotic and or some kind of dressing to it. as someone said above this time of year isn't good that stuff linger around in your head. can really make you hypersensitive to stuff and have emotional outbursts later on if not treated. it's not all that pretty. if she has an employee assistance program (or if your job has one for family members), help her seek out a psychotherapist. she'll most likely have a certain amount of free visits and minimal copay after the free ones are used up. the sooner, the better. i know psychiatrists usually have a long delay for new patients and psychotherapists (the good ones anyway) can sometimes be the same. g'luck.
