I Heard some comedian Say these on comedy central but I don't know waht his name was if you know his name please let me know. And also add some jokes that you like, I'd like to have jokes to tell at work. A Woman lays down to bed with her husband on their honeymoon, and the husband asks "Is this really your first time?" and the Woman Replies "Why does everyone one keep asking me that?" A Police officer pulls a guy over for speeding, he walks up to the drivers car and says "Sir, did you know you were going 100mph?" and the driver responds "I haven't been driving for an hour!
Oh I see, so you choose "woman" to nit pick him on instead of "say," "reply," or "police." It's times like this I reflect on the crusade for equal rights and realize we might not be as far along as we'd hoped. [/joking] :]
Purple Flowers This kid is walking to school one day and notices some cool looking purple flowers. He gets to class, and the teacher says that everybody's assignment is to write a short speech on what they saw on their way to school this morning. The kid immediately gets up and tells the class about the cool looking purple flowers he saw. "PURPLE FLOWERS?! PURPLE FLOWERS?!", the teacher yelled, "Get to the principal's office, now!" The kid goes to the principal's office with a confused look on his face. The principal asks him what he did. The kid explains that all he said was "purple flowers". "PURPLE FLOWERS?! PURPLE FLOWERS?! Get home right now! You're expelled for the rest of the school year!", the principal screamed. The kid slowly walks home, still confused as to what he did wrong. He gets home and his mom asks him why he's home so early. The kid says that he said "purple flowers". His mother is irate. "PURPLE FLOWERS?! PURPLE FLOWERS?!", she yells, "Get upstairs and wait for your father to get home, young man!" The kid goes upstairs and starts to cry, fearing what his father will do to him when he gets home. His father gets home that evening and goes up to his son's room. "OK, son, what did you do this time?" "All I said was 'purple flowers', dad". "PURPLE FLOWERS?! PURPLE FLOWERS?! Get the hell out my house and never come back!!", his father screams". So, the kid packs up his stuff and slinks out the door. His parents turn their backs to him as he walks out the door. As he walks across the highway, he gets run over by a semi and dies instantly. The moral of the story is...ALWAYS look both ways before crossing the street...
What's better than 69? 77. Cause you get 8 more. (If you don't get it at first, try saying it out loud.)
Come on, are you really going to be THAT picky after the first two jokes in this thread? Besides, that joke is much more than a joke, it's one of the building blocks for the foundation for comedy itself. It's basically a clean version of "The Aristocrats". You want a joke? OK, I'll tell you a joke.. Knock knock...
How do you know when its bedtime at Micheal Jackson's house? -when the big hand touches the lil hand!
What's the name of a one-legged woman? Eileene. Where did the one-legged woman go for breakfast? Ihop. Not my best, but you could use these.
This reminds me of my fraternity's by-laws: Delta Tau Delta's Flower: Purple Iris What was it originally: Pansy Why was it changed?: Obvious reasons
What do you call her if she's Japanese? Irene In the same vein: What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he's not going to come anyway. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow that just gave birth? De-calf-inated.
That was veally bad... What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on a BBQ pit? Frank What do you call his sister? Patty
What do you call a fish with no eye(I)? FSH.......... It's funnier when you say it I guess.I know....from bad to horrible.
What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs at the beach? Sandy. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russell
