fuzzy math #2

i doubt this story's validity, but like any good journalist/blogger, i thought i would post it anyway.

http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2005/01/24/mathematical-paradigm.html

American school redefines mathematical paradigm
'Intelligent Math' next step in evolution of US education
by Chatterton

The American school at the centre of a debate over the teaching of evolution has announced the next phase in its plan to make its curriculum more palatable to Christians. Starting from next week, all mathematics teachers at Dover Area High School in Pennsylvania will be obliged to instruct their pupils that "one plus one equals two ...or six, depending on your point of view".

School principal Joel Riedel explained to The Rockall Times: "As Christians we believe in the concept of the Trinity and this implies that the numbers one and three are equivalent. So technically, if you add one and one together you're actually adding three and three, and when you do that... well, you do the math!"

This modification to the rules of addition is just part of a controversial theory called "Intelligent Math" which is becoming increasingly popular amongst parents who believe that conventional arithmetic is at odds with Christian teaching. The theory was created by Phillip T Gibbet, a Berkeley Law professor who admits to struggling with maths when he was at school.

Gibbet elucidated: "I tried to answer each problem I was set by adhering to strict Trinitarian principles, but for some reason I kept getting the answers wrong. Eventually I realised: either the concept of the Trinity was flawed; or the entire basis of mathematics was invalid. Naturally I decided that the latter was the case and so I set about developing my new theory."

Critics of Intelligent Math are concerned that it is erroneous and should not be taught in schools since it will lower the educational standards of the nation’s children. However, Professor Gibbet was defensive: "On the contrary, using Intelligent Math, it is possible to show that all numbers are equivalent and so, in the context of an exam, there are no wrong answers. Hence each pupil will increase their score to 100 per cent ...which of course equals 300 per cent."

The increase in popularity of Intelligent Math in recent years has been attributed to Professor Gibbet’s determination to purge mathematics of all "un-American influences". For example, sympathetic teachers at Cobb County School in Atlanta recently hit the headlines after placing stickers in "conventional" mathematics text books which read as follows:

Warning: This textbook contains Arabic numerals, algebraic equations and numerous references to the concept of zero. These innovations were all introduced by evil towel-headed Muslims who like nothing better than flying planes into skyscrapers. Students are therefore advised to approach this book with an open mind, study it carefully and then burn it in the street while singing "God Bless America".

Despite the protestations of its critics, Intelligent Math looks set to continue its advance across the country during George W Bush's second term. Indeed, sources at the White House have told The Rockall Times that the President has often employed its novel approach to arithmetic over the last four years, such as when counting votes in Florida, dealing with the federal budget, or estimating the number of civilians who died in the invasion of Iraq.