Funerals and Kids

I went to my first funeral at age 25!

I never viewed death as that big of a deal. I went to Astroworld within a week after one of my grandfathers died. My grandmother has Alzheimer's, so she's knockin' on the door right now. I'll probably take her death a little harder...

 

I was probably 6 for my grandfather's.

You sound like you're an amazing Dad. I'm sure however you decide to deal with this family tragedy will be the right one. You and your's are in our thoughts.

 

I never went to one until I was in my 20's either. But with my kids it depended on the kid. My oldest went to her first one when she was only 4, but my boy is 9 and he hasn't gone to one yet. Granted there hasn't been an opportunity in a while, but His great grandpa died when he was 7 and he didn't go to that so... I guess it depends on the kid.

 

I was 18 when I attended my first funeral (grandmother on my father's side). It was the hardest, I have attended several since then and I haven't cried at those but that first made me ball like a baby. Now I am more of a comforter, I hold and hug those around me that are taking the situation hard.

What really pissed me off is it was my second semester in college and we had a test the day of the funeral, I explained this to my professor and she said I would either have to take the test or receive a zero. I went to the funeral naturally but still had to receive a zero which dropped my grade down to a C for that class.

 

man, so sorry you're going through this.

i was about 6. i wasn't traumatized...it was probably a learning experience.

 

i went to my first one when i was 25 also, 3 years ago. since then, i've attended one every year.

 

In my opinion, I do not think that there is any other choice than to take them. A death is a family event. Even if they are too young to understand exactly what is going on, they are experiencing the family bond and how you circle the wagons when something bad happens. It will be a comfort to them in the end because they will see how your family comes together. They will also see that it is ok to grieve and mourn. When my dad died, a counselor told me that the best type of mourning is with other people and by having them there, they will see this and ya'll will experience it together.

I had both of my kids at my dads funeral and I wouldnt have had it any other way. Kalissa will probably never remember it but Collin does. I'm proud they were with me and I wouldnt have had it any other way.

 

I think I was over 20 before I attended a funeral!

We took our 2 yo to his great gran's funeral, and he was fine. At that age, everything is a learning experience. Everything is new. So i expect it's probably harder on a twelve year old than a two year old. (I've heard the same thing about divorces BTW -- not that you want to be going down that path!).

I think bringing a toddler to a funeral is more about you. Will you be able to care for him with all that's going on?

Sorry about your Father in Law. My best to you and your family.

 

I was five when I went to my first funeral - my fathers. I don't remember much, just running and playing; till the last day. The last day was the hardest because they closed the casket.

I faced with a similiar dilemna. My grandfather, the backbone of the entire family is in his last days. Also, a cancer victim (liver), he is also dying of cirhosis. It is so painful to watch him, he doesn't have any good days anymore, just pain and suffering. There are several young (2-7)grandkids in my family and several mid-age kids (8-15). I have a little brother who is 12 who just started realizing the severity of the situation and was balling his eyes out. Its tough, but I think you just have to be honest with them on their own level. You know your kids, just tell them the truth so they can understand. It always helps. Good luck with your situation.

 

Never been to one.. I've been very luck so far KNOCK ON WOOD.. WHen I was younger (8ish) my grandfather died and my parents did not want me to go.. I'm glad I didnt, because I still remember him as he was.. I think I could have gone to the funeral no problem, but I'm glad I couldnt.. I'm very sorry VooDooPipe, I hope things work out for the best..

 

I was 8. It was my best friends mom. My mom gave me the option of going and I chose to. I don't remember a whole lot other than the body looking nothing like how she did. And my friend trying to be tough while the rest of his family wept and my mom crying next to me.

It was defintely an experience.

I'm glad I went because it prepared my for other funerals that I attended later on.

I have seen some of my friends go to their first funernal at around 20 years old and I can see how hard it is for them. Going when your young makes things a little easier atleast it did for me.

 

Usually the best way to break kids into funerals gentley is to take them to a funeral of someone they don't know very well. Get them acoustomed to what goes on there, and what the whole thing means. Whenever they finally do have to go to a funeral of someone they love, it is less of a stark, in your face kind of shock that can happen.

I wish my parents had done that for me. The first funeral I went to was of my great grandmother when I was 13. I really wasn't able to cope with the fact that someone I had known my entire life was gone, it's a weird age to go through that at if you're not already familiar with it. And I really, REALLY wasn't ready to be a pallbearer at that time.

 

It just depends on your kids and if they can handle it. When I was 5, we went to my great-uncle's funeral but my parents didn't bring me to the actual thing. (left me with a relative on the other side of the family) They sound awfully young, but if they were close to the person and if they are prepared, then they might be able to handle it.

I've been to lots of funerals since I was about 10 or so. I know some people who go 20 years without seeing one... they must be lucky people from families where nothing ever happens to anybody. On the other hand, I'm used to it.

 

I was 19 for my first one and it was my friend's grandmother. My next one was at 25 and it was REALLY REALLY hard for me. I didn't know the cremation process so I didn't realize we'd actually see them put his body in a cardboard box and into what looked like a furnace. It was so surreal to me.

I hope everyone's family will make it out okay.

 

It all depends on the child, you could give all the advice and guidance you want, but ultimately the child will do what comes naturally to him or her. The only way someone so young will understand death is by having to face it, even then it's very difficult to realize what it really means, and they probably won't understand it until much later in life.

For instance, my father died when I was 13, and I absolutely refused to cry in public and only cried once in private, to me my mother was crying for all of us and I didn't want to make my brother and sister feel any worse about it. He was buried in Mexico and as Catholics, we went through a velorio (I think it's a wake in English) where the bodies are not buried until, I believe, 9 days after that velorio starts. During those days the grief didn't seem to go down, my mother, brother, sister, grandfather/mother, uncles and aunts and people I didn't even know were still crying, I didn't understand why. My grandfather, my father's father, died 4 months later and by that time I was convinced that crying didn't help anything so again I went through the same thing while most of the grown ups around me were crying. Nobody ever talked to me about death before or ever since, but even if they did I still would have reacted the same way, that's what came naturally to me.

My advice is to be there for them if they come to you for support, but understand that in the end each person will deal with death in a way that comes naturally to them.

Good luck and God bless.

 

People keep on dying, everywhere, we've go to stop this madness somehow.

 

I was 4 when I went to my first one. It was for my grandfather (dad's dad). I still remember thinking to myself at the time why everybody was so sad, especially considering granddaddy was just sleeping.

 

You can learn this skill...but not from a Jedi.