OK, to be serious, and because no_answer is a top poster to listen to: Manny, if you are asking this question...then maybe, #1 you will be married again, because obviously it concerns you, and #2 you might not be dating for awhile. of course, this is only IMO [sic], I'm talking from my own experience and projecting them onto you...partly because I met you once for a SmeggySmeg world tour. My gut instinct is you are asking this question, because you know the answer, yet prior to getting married you might have had a different answer.
I know what you are saying. I know it is a phase right now. Give it a couple of years and my overall goals will change. Right now, my overall goal is trying to be the best dad to my son. Of course, it will help if I do find the right one, so I agree with you that I'll probably be dating for a long time.
This is a thread about feelings. Feelings about marriage and single and alone time and kids. I think it is really insensitive for you to jump on people who are only trying to share their feelings and experiences. Maybe one day you will understand. For now, hang your head in shame.
it's been two weeks since my wife and I filed and I get where you are coming from. you question the legitimacy of any relationship and don't want to be subjected to the pain of divorce again. I myself and choosing to use this as a learning experience. Can't speak for you, but for myself, I probably rushed into my marriage. While I was completely 'content' and would have stayed in the marriage, it is becoming abundantly clear that I put in more than I got out and was never truly happy in the marriage. If a situation of more balance were to present itself, I would gladly marry again. To me, the harmony of a relationship trumps the solitude of single life. (let me get back to you after being single for a while though ) I would also like to think I am older and wiser now and can assess these situations with more clarity on the front end to avoid an imbalanced relationship.
this. and i didn't fully realize this until i met my current wife. the difference is just unbelievable. good luck to both you and manny.
Same here. No disrespect to any present company meant, but you never do see it the first time until you meet the one who fits. I think its wonderful to move on with a better fit, but at some point I hope the burnt feelings from the aftermath of the first one allow no more anger. The main thing I learned I suppose is to never trust yourself enough to stay miserable.
<div style="background-color:#000000;width:368px;"><div style="padding:4px;"><embed src="http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:southparkstudios.com:104253" width="360" height="293" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" base="." flashVars=""></embed><p style="text-align:left;background-color:#FFFFFF;padding:4px;margin-top:4px;margin-bottom:0px;font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:12px;"><b><a href="http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s07e12-all-about-mormons">All About Mormons</a></b><br/>Tags: <a style="display: block; position: relative; top: -1.33em; float: right; font-weight: bold; color: #ffcc00; text-decoration: none" href="http://www.southparkstudios.com/">SOUTH<br/>PARK</a><a href="http://www.southparkstudios.com/guide/episodes/s07e12-all-about-mormons">more...</a></p></div></div> I don't know. I think I would get too lonely without my wife. I could see just living with someone though. Possibly just a roommate would suffice. Of course having roommates, or a gf living with you is probably more difficult with kids. We have 2, and I don't think most people my age want to be burdened by having 2 small children around. Give it a few months and see how you feel. Maybe you will meet the perfect woman when you aren't even looking. Certainly don't rush things. My parents got divorced when I was 17. My dad was married within 11 months of their getting separated, and it was a mistake done out of being lonely and heartbreak (Making matters worse, they had a baby the following year). My mom waited longer to get married, but got married to her best friend who she had known for 15 years or so, which I can tell you was uncomfortable for both me and my step brother, but at least they are wonderfully happy together. Obviously different circumstances since your child is so young, but thought I would share from my perspective as a teenager whose parents divorced.
I wasn't looking for it at all. I was prepared to play the field and not even think of marriage again for many years. My parents were divorced when I was 4. My father spent 2 years living a self-sustaining life as a wilderness man in the mostly isolated Western Montana mountains until about 1977 and when he rejoined society and eventually married my mother. They were a couple of damaged goods ridden with guilt and self-loathing and never gave anybody a reason to help them do anything, but could never get past their own insecurities to really achieve anything at all. Eventually my father became estranged, a year or so after I was born, he found out his former lover still had feelings for him. He had been told 8 years ago that she was in the loony bin after trying to go Sylvia Plath on herself and she never wanted to see him again. Well he found out it was all a lie. He regrettably ended his marriage to my mother, and set foot out the door. Now here was my mother, the just average child in a family of over-achievers disappointing the family again. They begged her not to disgrace the family with a divorce, she tried everything in her power to keep it together, which only made it harder for him to admit he didn't love her as much as the one he had before her. There he went, content to write poems from his secluded 4 AM Thoreau-like state. Never saw him again, after some random day in 1988. She remarried a man unworthy of her saint-like kindness in 1991. He had professed his love for her while she was still married to my father. She rejected him initially but eventually she chose him because he treated her well, despite being completely overbearing and loud. I hate him more than any other single person on the face of the Earth. Yet they are still married, and she would never admit to herself what a ****ing ******* he really is, because she doesn't think she deserved anything better than a man who wouldn't run out on her. So I understand these types of things, my own plays out like some bad novel here and there. I don't allow myself to "fall in love" anymore, only to be content to find somebody who I want to spend my time with. Should that come under the same definition to some people, then so be it.
That last bit was a completely stupid statement, I lied. I have everything I could have ever asked for, and to pretend like I'm not deeply happy with it all would be deception. Perhaps the guard I've put up makes me seem like those words would be inconsiderate, even harsh to the person I love, but all it really was was an admission that I'm much content with a simple life without all the mushy romance.
Never again will I be in a long term relationship. Everyone is different. There are those can't stand the long haul of just being alone and thriving in it like a pig rolling around its own excrement. I loathe living my life for someone else. I do not want to meet your family and play chinese checkers with your moron brother while you and your mother laugh like hyenas over trivial women crap. Compromise is not in my bones. I'd rather get wasted on a Tuesday night and go to work with the worst case of beer $hits than have your judgmental eyes penetrating my mind to the point that I heavily sigh and call it a night despite my desire to keep getting wasted. Then kissing your ass with apologizes for my renegade drunken ways while drunkenly getting into bed. The sex will get stale soon enough. Masturbation is an old friend who always comes through. I do not want to spend money on your stupid home decor or your uncle's ponzi scheme. I will die alone anyway so why try to sugar coat it? If I lock myself into a woman then I will die a hundred deaths everyday each time a beautiful girl strolls past my eyes as I help you unburden yourself about how much you hate your co-workers. I will never lie to myself and pretend to care about your petty crap. Marriage is not for suckers. I just mean its not for everybody. Duh. I am not cooler because of it or a tough guy because I want to sometimes jack off to p*rn that may be morally wrong that I must delete my internet browsing history. I am just me. Drunk, pervy and totally OK with no voices bouncing around my apartment. I just hear my beer belching and the music coming from my hundred dollar headphones that my last S.O. felt uncomfortable about me getting for unknown reasons.
Louis CK don't feel bad for someone that is in a divorce... That is the happiest they have even been in their life
Never been married, but I think it would be different for different people. For example....my most recent ex-girlfriend, a bi-polar, co-dependent psycho, is 47. She's been married and divorced 3 times before hitting age 45. After 4months of dating, she left me for a dude she met a week earlier, and they wound up getting married two months after meeting. She told mutual friends that the reason she left me was that she thought I didn't ever want to get married, and she definitely wanted to get married a 4th time. My response? Any man who marries a woman that's been married and divorced 3 times by age 45 is either desperate as can be, or is an absolute moron. I feel like I dodged a bullet the size of a cannonball.
This is awesome. I'd say you are living a pretty good life - just take it easy on the alcohol. Trade out a few drinking days for a few gym days and you'll be better for it.
On this topic everyone is different. Some people really truly like being alone and some people get depressed and crazy when they are alone. It is really interesting to me. Some people are married and content because, they "don't want to be in the dating game". Other's are married and happy because they really love their spouse and they love spending time with their spouse. You have happy marriages, content marriages, and miserable marriages. I think everyone knows which of those 3 they fall in to. I'm a strange case. I'm one of those guys who was single until I was 33 years old. Completely by choice. I had committed relationships and they usually lasted about 3 years each - when the marriage questions and expectations started coming, I would end it. All women thought there was something wrong with me because I was completely happy and content being single. I had a good job, I took good care of myself, didn't drink much, was good socially - I just really loved my alone time and I didn't want to complicate my life and I never wanted to share my bank account. I also hate the social aspects of weddings (not to mention how much money they take). I liked keeping everything structured, organized, clean, and simple - and I didn't like problems/drama and I didn't want anyone else to have the opportunity to bring those things into my life. So throughout my 20's, my married male friends thought there was something wrong with me and then in my early 30s when they were all depressed, divorced, and broke - they told me that I was a genius for not doing what they did. What was it they did? They married the wrong woman. They rushed it. They did what society AND their families/church pressured them to do. About the time everyone had given up on me, I started traveling globally for work and I met a girl (in Ukraine) who was really a perfect match for me. She was very low maintenance, she also liked her alone time, she was not materialistic AT ALL. She appreciated everything. She's an artist - so she's completely content painting while I'm watching football or working on my Internet businesses. She never has any drama, she isn't always watching crap about celebrities on TV or complaining about coworkers and about how fat she is or isn't. For me it was just a breath of fresh air compared to "most" American women I had been around. We communicated for months over Skype and I would see her on my business trips - I finally took the plunge and moved to Ukraine for 3 months to spend more time with her (in the winter) and see how things would go. Well, it went better than I could have ever expected. We feel in love, I proposed and she came back with me to the US and we got married are living here now. We both recently realized that we liked living in Ukraine better so we are currently preparing on getting a place and moving over there. Going to be an awesome experience for me. So, for those of you planning on staying single forever. Just look at my story. You never know what is going to happen if you take one day at a time, live right, and don't rush into anything because you are desperate or because society tells you to.
I have been there, and I'm surprised at the number of "No" responses. I wonder, why not? Is it: -Religious guilt/ belief that you are not allowed to remarry if divorced? (guessing that's not true in most of your cases.) -Desire to receive the proverbial free milk without buying the proverbial cow? -Lingering trauma from the bad relationship? or just -You truly don't need other people that much, aren't that into the idea of a partner, and would not feel lonely curling up by yourself at night? My first marriage didn't work out, but that only made me appreciate more the chance to start again with a better partner, something I once thought I would never get to do. And hopefully this one stays. We're a lot better matched. However, if it were to implode for some reason, say he wanted to leave or he wasn't into it anymore, I would be right back out there, assuming that something better yet was around the next corner. I may be down sometimes but I am never out. I'm just surprised more people give up, unless they're guilted into thinking they have to. I like having a partner, someone to cuddle up with at the end of the day, and being loved as a female is important to me. I don't understand why people want to isolate themselves.
