PIcked this up on another board and thought it was funny. Encyclopedia Brown Does It Again! by Andrew Solberg It was raining again, and from the safety of his garage Encyclopedia Brown frowned at the precipitation. "Who's going to visit our detective business in this weather?" he fumed. Sally had to agree. She was the prettiest girl in their grade, and was also the toughest. Many was the time that Bugs Meany regretted ever having crossed Sally in one of her cases. Encyclopedia was the brains behind their operation, possessing the keen memory and sharp mental skills that his nickname implied, but Sally was the muscle; bullies had learned to steer clear of the pair when they were on a job. Suddenly, Pee-Wee Weatherby ran up the driveway. Soaked to the skin, the pudgy second-grader approached the overturned wooden crate that served as the agency's desk and plunked down a scratched-up quarter. "I've got a job for you," he declared firmly. Encyclopedia pocketed the quarter. "No case too small," he announced. "What's the scoop, Pee-Wee?" "That bad old Bugs Meany has sold a bunch of us on a plan to recycle newspapers. We were all to contribute a dollar to get the business started. Bugs said that we could earn $2.50 a week once the plan got underway. Well, it's been two weeks now, and we haven't seen any of our money! We asked Bugs to give us our stakes back, but he said he couldn't do that. I want my dollar back!" Sally patted Pee-Wee across the desk. "Don't worry, Pee-Wee. The Encyclopedia Brown Detective Agency is on the job!" "That's right, Sally," said Encyclopedia. "Now, Pee-Wee, can you tell us where Bugs is hanging out?" Soon the rain stopped, and the trio biked over to the abandoned lot on Jefferson Street. A pile of scrap metal and boards formed a ramshackle club-house. Hanging on the door was a crudely-lettered sign reading: PAPER RECYCLING NEWSPRINT, CARDBOARD, SCRAP CASH PAID Below it was another sign reading: CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE Lounging in front of the clubhouse was a very bored-looking Bugs Meany. He was an older boy with a Jughead crown hat and a nasty sneer. He hated Encyclopedia Brown for his interference in his previous schemes, but he feared Sally and her terrible fists. As the three kids approached, Bugs looked a little nervous. However, he soon relaxed and looked down his nose at the younger children. "Welcome to my place of business, ladies and gentlemen!" Bugs announced in a sarcastic voice. "Would you like to trade in your newspapers for cash? Gee, I'm really sorry, but our business folded, and I don't know when we'll be back on our feet." He regarded the trio with a saucy smile. "You dirty rat!" shouted Sally. "You're robbing kids of their money for your business and not giving them anything in return! I'll bet you never did one minute of work at recycling!" Sally menaced Bugs with her fists; Bugs quickly recoiled. Encyclopedia Brown surveyed the yard. The grass had grown very tall and green. Next to the clubhouse was a wheelbarrow, partially filled with old newspapers. There were several ruts cutting across the abandoned lot. They were all of uniform depth. Bugs was shouting back at Sally: "That's not true! I had a legitimate business going! I would bring newspapers, cardboard boxes, and other paper scrap to the recycling center! They paid me cash; I was going to distribute it to my shareholders as soon as I showed a profit! I invested their stake in that wheelbarrow, but then the recycling center closed! Now I can't repay the stake; otherwise I would - honest!" He favored Sally with a smug smile. Encyclopedia Brown stepped up to Bugs and picked something off his shirt. He held it up for all to see. It looked like a scrap of greenish ribbon. Encyclopedia Brown smiled. Bugs Meany frowned. "So what? What does that prove? It doesn't mean anything. I'm innocent, and you can't prove otherwise." "You're wrong," said Encyclopedia quietly. "You're guilty, and you're going to return that money right now. You see, Bugs, you made one small mistake." WHAT WAS BUGS' MISTAKE? (highlight to read) Bugs' mistake was meeting the Brown Detective Agency alone. Sally held Bugs down and sodomized him with a power drill. By the time she had worked her way up to the three-eighths-inch bit, Bugs was in a talkative mood. Encyclopedia Brown elicited the appropriate confession and obtained a full refund for the other kids. Sometimes, not having a shred of evidence is no obstacle for a real sleuth. Encyclopedia Brown does it again! courtesy of: hxxp://www.textfiles.com/100/cDc-0200.txt So, who else enjoyed the good ole' Encyclopedia Brown books?
I LOVED those books as a kid. I have to admit, though, that I am glad most of the endings weren't of the nature you posted. I think that kind of book would have had a very different effect on me when I as growing up.
Man, it was like 15 years ago or so when I read those, but boy did I enjoy them! It was like Scooby-Doo as a book with Encyclopedia taking on the Velma role and Sally taking on the Freddy role. Sadly, no Daphne, Shaggy, or Scooby in the E Brown series.
Found this...thought it was good (thanks for the idea, Drew!) ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN and Sally Kimball, his junior detective partner and bodyguard, were getting ready to go to the Idaville music festival when a limousine pulled into Encyclopedia’s driveway. "Wow!" Sally said. "That car is so big, and so black!" Four men in tight, black leather pants and sleeveless T-shirts got out of the limousine. They had pale skin covered in tattoos, and one of them had bits of metal hanging from various parts of his face. Encyclopedia and Sally exchanged worried glances. They had never seen men their fathers' age wearing leather pants before. "Do not be frightened, young children, I am Lars Ulrich, powerhouse drummer for Metallica, and we are needing your help, Encyclopedia Brown." Metallica is a popular musical group known for blending traditional rock and roll with heavy metal while using more introspective and meaningful lyrics than most metal bands. "I am giving you a quarter." Encyclopedia accepted the coin and asked, "What can we do for you?" "Someone is stealing our music!" growled James Hetfield, rhythm guitar and lead vocals. Kirk Hammet, lead guitar, nodded, causing his multiple face and ear piercings to jangle. "Yeah man! We put out a new album last week and nobody bought it. But at the concerts, everyone is singing along and head banging just as hard as ever!" Jason Newsted, bass and backup vocals, handed Encyclopedia a piece of paper. "Someone slipped this under our hotel door. We were hoping you would know what to make of it, Encyclopedia Brown." Encyclopedia frowned. "Hmmm...this looks like a list of Napster user names." Napster is a computer application that allows people to download music files, also known as MP3s, via the Internet for free rather than purchasing them in compact disc form at the mall. "And you’re right, someone has been stealing your music. Looking at these user names, I have a hunch who it is," Encyclopedia said gravely. "Bugs Meany!" Sally exclaimed. "We'd better pay Bugs a visit," Encyclopedia said. "But we might need more backup than Sally this time—he’s been acting strange lately." "We can be helping," said Lars Ulrich as he placed a call on his cellular phone. A moment later, another limousine pulled into Encyclopedia's driveway. This one had a hot tub in the back, and in it were rap impresario Dr. Dre and several of his finest ho’s. Ho’s are also known as b****es. b****es are hangers on who receive money and goods in exchange for sexual services. "Wow!" Sally said. "That man is so big, and so black!" "Don’t worry, if Meany gets out of line, I’ll pop a cap in his ass." Dr. Dre said. Popping a cap in one’s ass means ending a life by shooting a person with a firearm. "All right!" Encyclopedia said, grabbing his bike. "Follow me." ENCYCLOPEDIA, Sally, the members of Metallica, Dr. Dre and his finest ho’s found Bugs sitting in the Tigers clubhouse. Bugs wore his Tigers cap sideways and had painted "Tigaz" over the original "Tigers" on the clubhouse wall. A T-1 Internet line ran under the door to a computer set up on an old apple crate. "Whazzup?" Bugs greeted his visitors. "If it isn’t my favorite homies." "Can it, DJ Bugs," Sally said, waving the sheet of Napster user names. "We know you’ve been illegally downloading and distributing Metallica MP3 files. We have proof." "That doesn’t mean anything," Bugs said, smiling. "I’m being framed. The man’s always trying to keep me down." He raised a black-gloved fist and said "Fight the power!" before taking a long drink from a 40-ounce bottle of apple juice. "What’s with all this stuff then, huh?" Sally asked, pointing at the computer and T-1 line. Bugs smirked, "Why don’t you go ahead and search my hard drive, baby. You won’t find any of that heavy metal crap here. I only listen to the people’s music—rap—and East Coast rap at that. I don’t go for any of that West Coast gangsta garbage." East Coast rap is tighter with its beats and more influenced by reggae and jazz than funk-oriented West Coast rap. West Coast rap uses heavy samples of old-school funk and frequently celebrates gang life in its subject matter. Lars Ulrich ran a search on Bugs’ computer. "It is true. I see KRS-One, Tribe Called Quest and even Eric B. & Rakim, but no Metallica!" "See?" Bugs said. "Now step back while I bust a rhyme: Here I am, hopin’ my true motha****az know This be the realest **** I ever wrote Against all odds, up in the clubhouse, gettin' blowed This be the truest **** I ever spoke." "That rap was hype," said one of Dr. Dre's ho's. "Damn," said another. Bugs laughed triumphantly. "See, I hang with the MCs. You’re going to have to pin this caper on someone else, sleuth boy." "What are we going to do?" cried Kirk Hammet. "We don’t want to alienate our loyal fan base, but we’re losing millions!" "I’ll handle this," Dr. Dre said, pulling a Glock from his windbreaker and moving towards Bugs. A Glock is an Austrian-made firearm that is favored for its reliability, large clip load and ease of concealment. Bugs, Sally, the members of Metallica and the fine ho’s were diving for cover when Encyclopedia finally spoke. "Bugs is lying. He doesn’t know Biggie Smalls from a Big Mac, and I can prove it." WHAT DID THE OTHERS MISS? The clue was in Bugs Meany’s rap. Bugs said that he only listened to East Coast rap music, but Encyclopedia recognized some of Bugs' lyrics from legendary West Coast rapper 2Pac’s album "Don Killuminati – The 7 Day Theory," recorded under 2Pac’s pseudonym and alter ego, Makaveli. Confronted with this fact and Dr. Dre’s fully loaded Glock, Bugs soon confessed to posing as a rap fan in an attempt to throw them off his trail. In reality, Bugs had illegally downloaded Metallica’s entire song catalog, including their new album, and had been reselling the music for his own profit. Hoping he could fool them all, Bugs stored the files on Zip disks and erased them from his computer, but once again, he learned that he couldn’t outsmart Encyclopedia Brown. To celebrate, Metallica brought Encyclopedia and Sally on stage at the Idaville music festival to sing the chorus of "Enter Sandman." After the festival, Dr. Dre took Encyclopedia, Sally, Metallica and all his ho’s out for ice cream and malt liquor.
I dug EB, but my favorite was "Alfred Hitchcock and The Three Investigators." Loved those books and read everyone. Thank goodness they are being republished just in time for my kids. The first ten by Arthur are the best, with "The Stuttering Parrot" and "The Green Ghost" my favorites. ______________ " Many years ago, in 1963, a middle-aged man set out NOT to conquer the juvenile series book market but only to grab a good piece of the pie. He set his sights on the formidable empire of the Hardy Boys, whose stories he noted had become pretty formulaic and whose heroes were well-to-do and relied on their father's connections or even divine intervention itself to solve their "cases". This man felt there was a market for well-written mystery/adventure stories that featured 3 somewhat normal young boys who relied on their own talents to solve amazing mysteries and cryptic riddles. The stories he had in mind were much better than what was currently on the market and would definitely stand on their own merits but who would buy books about 3 unknown investigators? Aha! He had it! He had worked with Alfred Hitchcock and was currently helping out on some of the Hitchcock anthologies being produced - the Hitchcock name would give his series name-brand recognition and jump-start sales. Robert Arthur was definitely ahead of his time! This tactic worked and helped to power the 3I to immense popularity in the 1960's and 1970's." Alfred Hitchcock and The Three Investigators in... #1: The Secret Of Terror Castle (1964, by Robert Arthur) #2: The Mystery Of The Stuttering Parrot (1964, by Robert Arthur) #3: The Mystery Of The Whispering Mummy (1965, by Robert Arthur) #4: The Mystery Of The Green Ghost (1965, by Robert Arthur) #5: The Mystery Of The Vanishing Treasure (1966, by Robert Arthur) #6: The Secret Of Skeleton Island (1966, by Robert Arthur) #7: The Mystery Of The Fiery Eye (1967, by Robert Arthur) #8: The Mystery Of The Silver Spider (1967, by Robert Arthur) #9: The Mystery Of The Screaming Clock (1968, by Robert Arthur) #10: The Mystery Of The Moaning Cave (1968, by William Arden) #11: The Mystery Of The Talking Skull (1969, by Robert Arthur) #12: The Mystery Of The Laughing Shadow (1969, by William Arden) #13: The Secret Of The Crooked Cat (1970, by William Arden) #14: The Mystery Of The Coughing Dragon (1970, by Nick West) #15: The Mystery Of The Flaming Footprints (1971, by M. V. Carey) #16: The Mystery Of The Nervous Lion (1971, by Nick West) #17: The Mystery Of The Singing Serpent (1972, by M. V. Carey) #18: The Mystery Of The Shrinking House (1972, by William Arden) #19: Secret Of Phantom Lake (1973, by William Arden) #20: The Mystery Of Monster Mountain (1973, by M. V. Carey) #21: The Secret Of The Haunted Mirror (1974, by M. V. Carey) #22: The Mystery Of The Dead Man's Riddle (1974, by William Arden) #23: The Mystery Of The Invisible Dog (1975, by M. V. Carey) #24: The Mystery Of Death Trap Mine (1976, by M. V. Carey) #25: The Mystery Of The Dancing Devil (1976, by William Arden) #26: The Mystery Of The Headless Horse (1977, by William Arden) #27: The Mystery Of The Magic Circle (1978, by M. V. Carey) #28: The Mystery Of The Deadly Double (1978, by William Arden) # #29: The Mystery Of The Sinister Scarecrow (1979, by M. V. Carey) #30: The Secret Of The Shark Reef (1979, by William Arden)
First the Zelda commercial now this? Sweetness! www.yesterdayland.com I spent a few hours at this site yesterday reminiscing. Good stuff.
