I have a friend who's parent is nearing death (cancer). The friend is in their mid-20's and never really had to deal with anything like this before. Its especially hard since their other biological parent was/is a complete screw up and never participated in raising the kids (in fact telling it to their face when they were a young teenager) Anyways, i was reviewing some books in hopes to find a good one to get them. Something to help them come to grips with very high likely hood of death in the near future and how to manage it afterwards. Any ideas/recommendations?
The most important thing is they find some understanding person who they can really talk to -- someone where they don't have to pretend they have it under control or understand it all. Do they have any religious beliefs (might help determine the best books). On Death & Dying, (Simon & Schuster/Touchstone), 1969 Questions & Answers on Death & Dying, (Simon & Schuster/Touchstone), 1972 Death: The Final Stage of Growth, (Simon & Schuster/Touchstone), 1974
A few months after my father died I met a friend from high school at a wedding. Coincidentally her father died of cancer too, around the same time mine did. We shared experiences (how it was living w/ them and seeing it progress over months, being by their bedside in the final days, how things changed now that it's happened, etc), and that was probably the best I ever felt thinking/talking about it. Personally it felt better talking to someone who could really relate. No offense, but people saying 'oh yeah my uncle who I see once a year died of cancer too, I know how it is' is annoying.
they are not particularly religious in the traditional manner...more spiritual, if that makes sense. Not so much a belief in god but certainly some type of higher power/energy or whatever you want to describe it. it is true that close ones help. But they dont have too many close friends as they are in a new city, and they dont keep up with past friends since most were also screw ups. They are close with their sister and me (long story but i will probably not be turned too). i can relate to a certain point. I had a parent die at a very early age (8) but you could almost say i was "lucky" because i didnt fully understand what was going on, however you naturally question 'what if' as you get older. I've tried to tell them that they should be appreciative that they have had 20+ years or experience with their parent and seeing how this has been a long processs over the last few years, i always reminded them to cherish their time.
don't know if this wolud help your friend at all, but i know people who have found it beneficial: http://www.griefnet.org/ peace
I was in a similar situation as my father passed away from cancer a couple of years ago, but I'm still not sure what good or solid advice would be for another person to cope. A lot of it is time based, but it'd certainly help if him and his family were open to a moment of healing past grievances. Watching his father slowly fade away is probably one of the most hardest and stressful things to bear, so there might have been some unintentional tension among other family members. So I guess my advice would be to recognize that life is too short, and that he should try to make a temporary peace, if not lasting, with his mother or any other estranged family members. Oh yeah, now's the time to dig deep into his father's finances if he does not know for sure how the bills were paid/have been paid. That part will catch up to his family real fast.
I'm glad this thread was created...A dear friend finally passed away today from Cancer so I'll be picking up one of these books...He was a great guy, a better friend and I truly believe he made me a better person... I'll be at the bar drinking a couple couple in his honor... Doug, love you man...RIP...
Sorry to hear about that and I have no book recommendations but would recommend you just be there for him. Sometimes just listening to someone talk about their grief is a huge help.
