Computer Humor

AGGIE VIRUS: This virus works on the honor system.
Please delete all the files on your hard disk, then forward this message to everyone you know.

 

what is the world's best host with great ping times and guaranteed uptime?

127.0.0.1


hahaha....

 

Now THAT is computer humor, cuz only a nerd would understand.

 

OK, there was a truck driver driving through silicon valley and he stops at a resturant/bar for a bite to eat. As he walks in, he notices a sign that says "No nerds allowed", and kind of chuckles. He walks in, sits at the bar, and orders a roast beef sandwich.

"You're not a nerd, are you?" The bartender says. He says, "Oh, hell no! I'm a truck driver". The bartender takes a couple of sniffs. "I don't know, you kinda smell like a nerd". He says, "Oh yeah, I'm hauling some computer equipment to one of these companies out here". The bartender believes his story, and they begin talking. Then, a guy walks in with a pocket protector, thick rimmed glasses, starched shirt, pants pulled up to his armpits...all the typical nerd features.

"I'll show you what we do to nerds around here", the bartender says. He pulls out a gun and blasts the nerd in the head.

The bartender screams, "Oh my gawd! Why did you shoot him!" The bartender explains that, since there are so many nerds around, that anybody can shoot as many as they want. Well, the truck driver finishes his sandwich and heads on back down the road.

He drives for a couple more miles when he loses control of his truck and it tips over and out spills thousands of dollars of computer equipment onto the street. He manages to get out of his truck, and he notices dozens of nerds converging on his haul. Well, he'll be damned if he's going to lose his stuff, so he pulls a gun out of his cab and starts blasting nerds right and left. A few minutes later, a cop pulls up.

"What the hell are you doing?!?!", the cop screams. The truck driver says, "Well, this bartender told me that it's ok to shoot nerds around here since there are so many of them"

The cop then says, "Yes, it's ok to shoot them, but you can't BAIT them!"

 

that is your own machine - local host 127.0.0.1

I thought it was funny movement.

 

I rest my case.

 

Well I bet you laugh when you read the back of hair spray cans and stuff like that.


You work at a refinery right?

 

Chemical plant workers laugh at hair spray cans. I find gasoline and diesel fuel humor funny.

 

Abort, Retry, Ignore?

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets.
Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer,
I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store,
Only this and nothing more.

Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing,
Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more.
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!"
One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more,
Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.
Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.
The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more.
Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more,
From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key.
But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before.
Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore,
Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard.
I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore.
Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations,
Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before.
Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before.
Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted.
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night.
A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.
The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore.
Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

To this day I do not know the place to which lost data go.
What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored,
Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes?
But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,
You will be one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore,
Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

-- Anonymous Author

 

<b>The Clutch Virus</b>: Deletes worthless files

<b>The Jeff Virus</b>: installs a Mr. Paperclick program that constantly pops up and asks you how you are doing and gives you advice

<b>The BrianKagy Virus</b>: Could really care less about your files, but is just dropping by to see if the Clutch Virus missed any stupid files.

<b>The Will Virus</b>: Would like to upgrade your memory and processor, but decides it's a hopeless cause, so it searches for Rockets video files to watch.

<b>The keeley Virus</b>: replaces you wall paper with a Notre Dame banner.

<b>The Dr of Dunk Virus</b>: scans your harddrive for computer humor, but does no harm.

 

The <b>truck driver</b> screams, "Oh my gawd! Why did you shoot him!"

 

now that is a funny joke!

i'm gonna have to repeat that one.