Are any of you guys out there divorced dads? This is a serious thread. I'm meeting with state reps to propose a change in the Family Code through state legislation. I'm doing an informal type survey, and am curious to know your visitaion rights (if you want to call them rights)
I'm not in Texas, so this may not count. I was divorced with 2 children. We have joint custody with her having primary physical custody. I get the kids half of the time they are not in school: summer vacation (usuallly 2 weeks alternating), weekends (every other), and school holidays (Christmas one year, not the next etc.). I also get them one night per week: Wednesday.
My granddaughter's father is a deadbeat dad. He has not paid one penny towards her support (over 7 years). He has court ordered visitation which he rarely uses. My daughter filled out the paperwork and sent it to the Texas A.G. office to get some child support out of him. They managed to lose it so she has to fill it out again. Once they receive it, it will be SIX MONTHS before they can do anything about it (e.g. garnish wages or strip him of his rights). My daughter has never refused him his opportunity to have visitation and she has bent over backwards to accomodate his parents as well. Meanwhile, she lives paycheck to paycheck, while the deadbeat goes merrily along. If she withholds any visitation, SHE is in contempt. Please see what you can find out about this sort of abomination. Something should be done about the ridiculous length of time it takes to force his hand. I think his actual visitation rights are every other weekend, 4 weeks in the summer and various holidays (it changes year to year). They live in different cities around 4 hours away. I understand that the opposite situation exists in the state and those fathers should have the full benefit of the law to support them, but the length of time to make something happen seems extreme.
Bobrek, That breaks my heart !!! I wish they would publish all deadbeat Dad's pictures on the internet and in local papers. Let's call them out, it makes me ill. Being a DAD is the single most important thing in my life, I can't wait to have another one. Parenting is the best thing anyone can do in their life. DaDakota
Unfortunately, for some it's actually the worst. We make people get a license before driving, why not before procreating? Actually, I'm just kidding about that last part, but sometimes it sounds like a really good idea.
Sorry I took so long to respond. I'm just a voting citizen that gave my state reps and senator a phone call, ande they have scheduled metings with me. They sound interested in my proposed change in legislation. The way the Texas Family code is written right now, Texas is an every other weekend state standard. This includes every Wednesday from 6-8 pm for dinner. Every other MAJOR holiday, (Xmas, Thanksgiving, Easter), is the holiday schedule, with one month straight in the summer. CS is 20% of pay for one child, 25% for two, 30% for three etc... My proposal is this. Standard visitation is 50/50, 6 months at dads, 6 months at moms, with 1/2 of the summer. unless the lawyers can prove that the dad is not qualified to take care of the child. All holidays are split from 8 am to 2pm and 2pm to 8 pm. As it stands, dads are labeled not qualified and standard visitation takes the child away from dads. Guilty by default. Child support must take into consideration the salaries of both parents and figure the difference to keep the child accustomed to the same standard of living. Insurance and medical is split down the middle. Any conflict must be resolved by mediation. Right of first refusal is imlplicit to the decree. There are some more details to it, but that's the jist of it. What do you think?
Oh, when I say 6 months at moms and 6 months at dads, I don't mean 6 months straight. It's a little detailed, but basically, if the child is living w/me, then he will see mom 3x a week. twice during the week, and all day , either sat or sun including a sleepover on the weekend.
Sounds hard on the child. I think the child should be the sole focus, since the parents were unable to work out the marriage. If it is BEST for the child to live with one parent, then that is what it should be. DaDakota
I understand your situation completely, and it's sperm donors like these that the media would rather focus on than on good dads who want nothing more than to be given a fair shot at having their children grow up with dad in their life. Honestly, and with all due respect, this is not a fight that I can take on. The legislation I am proposing is in regards to good and caring fathers, but your situation is definitely worth fighting for. Once my "good dad" proposal is looked at, maybe we can look at getting some deadbeat dad legislation written in. A quick suggestion...If the sperm donor is not using his visitation, take it back to court and have him written out of visitation. CS and visitation are two completely separate entities. He does not pay to visit, but if his lack of patterned visitation is causing distress to the child, or the bio dad has problems, psychologically, with the law, with drugs, you can definitely fight for full custody. It's in the childs best interest, AND the way the law is written right now, completely favors the woman. Good Luck!
(Falcons Talon - I was writing this as you were responding to my original post. I have not edited anything with the exception of adding this note.) The problem for situations in which both parents are imminently qualified is the needs of the child. Is it really good to have the child "split" 50-50. As a kid, I would get very tired of your holiday proposal. It also puts a lot of stress on the parents to deal with the 8-2, 2-8 scenario. Also, I would not think I would want to be "shuttled" regularly during the week. I would establish friendships which would be compromised during this time. School and social activities would get in the way of visitation (or vice-versa). Also, within your proposal, what are the "punishments" for the parent if they don't pay child support. Unfortunately, the "hurt" party cannot refuse visitation or they, too, are in contempt. Here is what I would add to the proposal: Once child support is granted, immediate steps are taken to ensure the payments are made. This can include direct payment from the parent's paycheck into the other parent's bank account. To that end, perhaps set up a trust fund for the child with BOTH parent's as trustees. By default the money goes to the child at age 18 or sooner if ALL parties agree. Again, a direct withdrawal from one or both parents could fund this aprticular account. In addition, if one month goes by without child support then the Attorney General's office should be able to take immediate steps to rectify the situation. Give them another month to make up the payment. If at that time, they are still not making payments (or attempts), find them in contempt and remove their visitation and parental rights until the matter is resolved. It should not take 6 months for the AGs office to get moving on child support, visitation or custody issues. I wholeheartedly agree that father's should have equal rights and applaud any effort you make to allow the dads to have primary custody as often as the mothers currently do. As a society we need to recognize that men are just as capable as women in raising their children (at least once the kids are past the breast feeding stage ).
I'm going to be on and off because I'm making lunch right now...CS in Texas is garnished from wages. The holiday schedule is for the benefit of the child. If the parents have a problem with it, then don't pick up the child. Imho, as a kid, I would love to be all over the place!!! Just for the record, if my posts seem abrupt, it's cause I'm cooking up some chicken fried steak. I'll post more in a bit, and I am truly enjoying this discussion.
Falcon, Which parent? Whichever one is best suited to give that kid a good life. If that is the mom, or the Dad. Moving every 6 months back and forth would SUCK for the kid. Different schools, different friends, and is not a very stable environment. The problem is that people that can not work out their own differences (IE get a divorce) can hardly be counted on to work out their differences concerning their kids too. Kids should be put above any other selfish personal concerns. DD
How should the better parent be decided? Just because the parents can't stand each other doesn't mean that both parents don't love their child dearly. A little background on my situation. Me and the ex had a beautiful child. Our relationship went south but we both love our child dearly. I was a coach, but stopped coaching to help raise my child. After the divorce, I could have started coaching again, but didn't so as to spend as much time as I could with my child. As the divorce is written, it comes out to 10% of his time. The ex took up sponsoring cheerleading, UIL, and is going back to college for her masters. She would rather him spend the time that she is working with the live in-as opposed to with daddy. I have no record nor does she. I don't drink, but she does as she goes out clubbing. No smoking or drugs on either part. I go to church with my child, she doesn't go at all. She won't let him see me on his birthday. We both are teaching him as he is about to turn 2 yrs old. We are both teachers. These are the facts. No personal bias. This is the situation. Who is the better parent?
Colorado, West Virginia, and Tennessee all have legislation pending or laws in place giving 50/50 standard joint managing conservatorship. I don't have time to post some of the statistics that I have found. There may be more, but I haven't found them yet. Anyone with any info on other states, please let me know.
Falcon's, I applaud your sacrifice. Do you guys live in the same school district? If so, that would be easy. However, if you guys live miles apart and the kid has to shuffle back and forth between friends and schools, then that would be bad. I totally agree that you should be watching your kid while she is away, that makes no sense at all. Sounds like she may be using the kid to get back at you, and that is AWFUL. DaDakota
