I just broke up with my girlfriend and want to know if I did the right thing. We get along fantastically and I truly believe that we are soul mates. The only problem is that she has a cousin that is leeching off of her. It's ridiculous. He eats all of her food, puts her in a bad mood all the time, refuses to get a job, and the kicker- he owes her nearly $2,000 now in his unpaid half of the bills. Normally, that would be something I could live with, but to top it all off, he's the most obnoxious person I've ever met. He has no manners, makes stupid unfunny jokes, and constantly undermines our relationship. He's just one of those people that you don't like. My girlfriend's mother (who lives in California) and I have been doing our best to get her to kick him out and thought we had a breakthrough last week when she agreed to send him home. Alas, her cousin used whatever magical pull he has to keep from getting kicked out. Apparently, he promised to get a job (again). In the past, "I promise to look for a job" has really meant "I will half-assedly fill out one online application every week, and spend the rest of the 23 and a half hours of each day chatting with people." Seriously, he never leaves the computer. His being above regular jobs is disgusting too, as the guy has no skills or credentials that would overqualify him for ANYTHING. I know his game. He's just leeching off of my girlfriend because he can't pull this **** back home with his mommy. I've told her that time and again, heck, HER PARENTS have told her that time and again! Still, it doesn't register for whatever reason. I know it's unfair to make her choose between me and "family" ( I still maintain that REAL family wouldn't exploit her like that), so I called it off today. Hardest decision I've ever had to make, and there are other things that I don't really want to get into that led me this way, but that's the gist of it. How would you guys have handled things? Sorry for all of the paragraphs, I just had to vent.
depends how serious you are with the girl... but i can tell you for a fact that you don't just marry the girl...you marry her family, too.
Tough choice. It could go both ways...on one hand, somebody could say that if you truly loved her, all the leeching cousins in the world wouldn't get in the way of that... ...on the other hand, if she truly loves you, she should not let a leeching family member get in the way of that love...so I see how you are in a crappy situation. I would probably put most of the blame on her...because of her choices she now has a bum roomate, who owes her tons of money, who eats all of her food, and has now ended a good relationship for her. If she can't see the detriment that this person is causing her life by now, she probably will never see the detriment. Of course, you could have just asked her to marry you and she could have left her cousin out in the cold. You would then not only be a lover, but family as well, and husbands come before cousins... Oh well, crummy break all around. Maybe she'll come to her senses and you will get back with her.
Then you did the right thing. She new it was threatening the relationship and made a choice to not fix it.
Well if you really believe you are soulmates, I don't think you should have broken up with her just because of her cousin. Is that the only problem you guys had in your relationship? How long were you dating? If you didn't, I think you should have told her something like "I really care for you, and I think we have something very special here. But it is too hard for me to sit around and watch you get taken advantage of all the time by your cousin. If you really want our relationship to work, I need you to take a stand and let your cousin know this behavior will no longer be tolerated." Or something like that. But I'm not sure how good I am with relationship advice....I've been dating/married to the same girl since I was 17 (24 now.) I have been out of the game for awhile.
What's so frustrating is that she DOES see how ****ed up the situation is. Everytime she puts her foot down, though, her loving cousin pulls this crybaby "I'm so sorry, I promise to shape up" routine that he NEVER follows through with. Whatever, it's her money to waste. She knows what she's giving up.
You could ask her to live with you, AntiSonic... then the cousin is left out in the cold. I lived with my wife for a few years before we got married. She was my last live-in liason... I had several over the years and few regrets. I've got a suspicion that the "other things" you don't want to talk about might be your real problem. If you really think she's your soulmate (your words), I don't think you'd let that dumb-a$$ cousin get between you. Just my 2 cents. Oh, and about the money... get her to call the lamester's parents and tell them just how much he owes and what he's doing. Sounds like maybe they are getting a free ride.
Anti...I've broken up with women for alot less. If it's bugging you, and she knows it, and she doesn't do anything about it, and it bugs you to the unbearable point, then you did the right thing.
The "other thing" was exactly what you had suggested. We had agreed to move in with each other at the conclusion of the semester (I was even going to pay half of her rent until then). Her cousin got wind of this and quickly pulled his "sorry" card again to keep himslef afloat. That's what I'm thinking too. She told me one of the reasons that she's reluctant to kick him out is because she doesn't want to deal with his mother. What the ****?! Right?
Damn it. A girlfriend and a spelling contest in the same day. She still has my Mr. Show DVDs too. Thanks for all the support guys.
That's bizzare man...sorry to hear it. It always sucks when you know you love each other, but stupid crap like this gets in the way.
Not to derail the thread, but does anyone else find it a little strange that she is so close to her male cousin?
Eh. They're not directly related as far as I know. Third cousin is more appropriate I believe. And he's gay. Or pretending at least.
Sorry. I'm in and out today. (so my wife tells me) Wow, AntiSonic, no wonder you're frustrated. That paints a much different picture. I'd say this lady has serious maturity issues. Maybe you're operating on two different levels entirely. Man, I'd be upset as well. She's completely turned around.
