On New Years Eve, at midnight, I approached a girl I'd grown to like over a year and tell her I liked her. Let me explain how it all happened. I went from one unhealthy intense relationship to another that left me a hermit in my apartment for a year. As in, I worked mostly from home, got fat and pasty, and mostly sat in the dark drinking whiskey and listening to Townes Van Zandt and Lightnin' Hopkins and playing guitar. Eventually music got me out of the house, because I started playing places. One place was a coffee shop nearby. the manager was the girl I'd seen once in a while at another coffee shop when I needed a break from being alone. She was a real sweet thing, pretty as can be, and very empathetic and cool (she's also a painter). I knew I was in no shape to be hitting on her so I didn't. I'd just drink coffee and write poems about her, smile and talk, you know. Anyway, I started going to her new cafe once I found out she worked there. She was even prettier than I remembered. I never had the courage to really ask her out. I'd been without a girlfriend for two years, the longest since I was 15 (I'm 33) and I was getting used to avoiding people. But I started getting more comfortable with being outside, and drinking less, between her, and being occupied with playing music for paying crowds I was starting to feel human again. I pissed her off once, when I came into her place loaded on wine and Wild Turkey, and shot my mouth off. I felt so damn bad I wrote her a lullabye the next day. And recorded it. It's going on my album I'm starting work on in a studio tomorrow. Then, on New Years Eve I met a screenwriter from Hollywood on vacation while I was at a place I played (a dive bar). He asked me how I liked Israel. I said it was getting better for me, not because anything had changed, but because my attitude was changing. He asked why, and I said "I dunno, I'm afraid to admit it but I might be in love." But I explained I was in no shape to be getting a girlfriend. I was coming out of a terrible depression, and jumping into the saddle wasn't anything I was thinking. And he says, but it's NEW YEARS EVE, you HAVE to go see her and tell her how you feel. And I'm like..."why go to the trouble to get rejected? She only knows me as a drunk mope -- she doesn't really KNOW me. She's sweet as hell, but I don't think she's interested." And he says, "so what, take it like a man, you have to do it. Break the cycle." And I did, right at midnight, took her away from her work, pulled her outside, held her hand and told her how I felt and she said, "I really like you Zach, but not like that." And that was it. That was how 2008 started for me and how the prettiest girl in Tel Aviv stopped being my friend. It's a really small town -- between two ex'es, their friends, and this girl, my natural avoidant tendencies are going to be tested to the limit
sorry to hear the bad news. but on the bright side, the only place to go is up! hope things get better.
damn, that sux. rejection is better than regret though. don't wait a year next time. from experience and other people's stories, nothing good has ever come out of confessing your undying love to someone out of the blue. you gotta show them you're interested in them early. good luck next time.
We've all heard that line before, trust me. I know that doesn't make it easier on you though. Look on the bright side, at least you know now how she feels and you won't waste any more time on her and can get on with your life. I commend you for approaching her. Don't worry, the pain will go away and another gal will come along...to break your heart again. That's what they do, but eventually you'll find the right one. We all do.
Interesting, and sorry for the outcome. But as they say in sales, you're not really selling anything until you are told "no" at least once. I think it was a bit "movie-esque" to take that guy's advice and do it because it was NYE, and not wait until you were truly comfortable. But that's ok. Play it cool, give her a call after a few days and just say sorry about laying that on her, and that maybe the holiday got the best of you. Just let her know that you enjoy her company and hanging out, and perhaps after a while you guys will grow comfortable again. You never know what can happen down the road. But I would certainly not completely let her go because of one seemingly (I wasn't there, so I can only assume) awkward moment. It's ok man....you were a bit vulnerable and (self admittedly) not quite ready for this big of a step. Keep playing your music, and keep getting out. It can only help. Out of all of this, you can TRULY take a lot of comfort in one thing - after what you've been through, you took a HUGE leap and a HUGE step in your recovery. So even though the outcome was not the result you wanted, the action you took was a pretty amazing and bold step forward. I commend you!!
i can definitely relate to the sitting in the apartment, avoiding people, and becoming "pastey". rejection sucks donkey balls, man, but you have to get your schit together and quit rejecting and neglecting yourself before other folks will stop. anyhow, i agree with macalu's first post in this thread as far as your approach to the chick.
Dude, maybe you should have just asked her out for a casual dinner before being so dramatic. Pulling her away from work and professing your undying love for her before you really even know each other seems kind of over the top. Moving too fast like that tends to creep girls out.
apologize to her and let her to come to you if she really wants to be your friend... it sucks but move on...live the life, you don't have any more lives other than your life.
totally. I was a little creeped out by it. Put yourself in her shoes! She routinely sees this guy looking at her and magically appears at her new place of employment. Then one day he confesses his love to someone he only superficially knows... what do you think she is suppose to do? Next time just try the "let go out"...then if you want to spill your feelings you can do it on the date.
dude that guy gave you the worst advice ever. At the very least you could have done the friendship tip thing and networked all of her hottie friends - thats the best way to meet someone anyways. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, go rent "Swingers" and watch it about 16 times. Then keep doing what you are doing and love will find your way.
Don't worry, the Blues is the healer. You should at least get a good song out of it, The Wrong Assumption Blues. Something about..... Just because I was alone Depressed and feeling blue In my imagination I assumed that she was too But maaa aaan She had her own thing going on She shot me right down I think I musta came on too strong
