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2001 Darwin Awards

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by Festeral Otto, Jan 24, 2002.

  1. Festeral Otto

    Festeral Otto Member

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    Judgment: The capacity to assess situations or circumstances and draw sound conclusions; good sense.

    "5th RUNNER-UP: Goes to a San Anselmo, California man
    who died when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth
    Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on
    a foam pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was
    pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The
    accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County
    Sheriff's Department said.

    Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski
    run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam
    protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike
    Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.
    The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit
    towers. The group apparently used the pads to
    slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a
    tower. It has since been investigated and
    determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad
    removed.

    4th RUNNER-UP: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was
    apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market.
    when the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo
    grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth, and
    walked out without paying. Police found him
    unconscious in front of the store.
    Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener >from his
    throat where it had choked him to death.

    3rd RUNNER-UP: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of
    Spain, who shot a stag standing above him on an
    overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him.

    2nd RUNNER-UP: "Man loses face at party." A man at
    a West Virginia party (probably related to the
    winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the
    22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck)
    popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down,
    riggering an explosion that blew off his lips,
    teeth, and tongue.
    Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap
    as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said
    Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an
    aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to
    explode it." "It wouldn't go off and this guy said
    I'll show you how to set it off."
    He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all
    his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne
    said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition.
    Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according
    to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical
    Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing
    something like that," Payne said.

    1st RUNNER-UP: Doctors at Portland University
    Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the skull
    by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be
    released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25,
    lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation
    into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men
    Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grant's
    Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but
    > >> > > > the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said
    that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a
    major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts
    would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny
    Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said
    the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain
    with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull,
    yet somehow managed to miss all major blood
    vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to
    pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have
    killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends
    had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I
    feel so dumb about this." No charges have
    been filed, but the Josephine County district
    attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.

    THIS YEAR'S WINNER: (The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal
    Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local
    Metallica
    concert at the George Washington amphitheatre. Having
    no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them),
    they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the
    nine-foot fence and sneak into the show.

    They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and
    the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, (who was 100-pounds
    heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and
    then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the
    late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the
    other side of the fence.

    Having heaved himself over, he found himself
    crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly
    halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large
    branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from
    the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw
    some bushes below him.
    Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall;
    he removed his pocketknife and proceeded to cut away
    his shorts to free himself from the tree.

    Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly
    bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body
    and now, without the protection of his shorts, a
    holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters
    worse, on landing, his pocketknife penetrated his thigh.

    Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in considerable
    pain and agony, decided to throw him a rope and pull
    him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup
    truck and slowly driving away. However, in his
    drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse
    and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing him.

    Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its
    driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at
    the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon
    moving the truck, they found John under it,
    half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in
    his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts
    dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.

    Congratulations gentlemen,........ You Win!"
     
  2. treeman

    treeman Member

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    I posted this about a week ago. Hilarious.
     
  3. Festeral Otto

    Festeral Otto Member

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    Yeah just got it....thought it might have been old. ;)
     
  4. LAfadeaway33

    LAfadeaway33 Member

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    what a bunch of idiots
     
  5. Dr of Dunk

    Dr of Dunk Clutch Crew

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