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[Hilarious] PwC Farewell Email

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by s land balla, Dec 3, 2009.

  1. s land balla

    s land balla Contributing Member

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    Was forwarded this email yesterday. Amazing.
    ______________________________________________________

    As many of you now know this friday will be my last day with PwC so I wanted to say good bye and thank you for everything. My decision to leave was not a snap decision as it may have seemed but a well thought out process.

    It started one night in the audit room as I was helplessly attempting to focus on some inane, completely irrelevant task so I could leave when the green card carrying cleaning lady came into my cage to empty my garbage when my decision was made. I realized that I was actually jealous of her job. I would have gladly emptied the garbage cans in the whole building over any of the nonsense I was doing on my computer. See, at the end of her shift she has made a difference, she has added value, be it minimal, of removing the refuse from the employees cubes. At the end of the day she sees the empty garbage cans and knows that she accomplished something. When trying to apply this mindset to my own work I found it to be impossible. At the end of my shift, I will have documented a control, that was only created for the sake of having a control, and my work will get picked apart by anal retentive managers, but ultimately find a home in a cabinet somewhere, only to see the light of day again when it is thrown out in 7 years when it is deemed to be irrelevant. I have added zero value to the client, zero value to my own company, and it has made me routinely daydream about ways to off myself. I find it very hard to be motivated when I know the end result of my work has no impact on anything but simply must be completed because PwC audit guide says it must be completed. What makes this entire process worse is the fact that those around you insist that this work is crucial to the world's existence and it is essential that you never use abbreviations, that your sheets must be as colorful as possible, and all lines must be drawn with a ruler or else it is clear that PwC will come apart from its hinges. I must have missed out on the brainwashing session that PwC provided all senior associate and managers that taught them how to turn obsessive compulsive up a notch.

    Anyway...that was how I came to decide that public accounting was not really for me. A couple other pieces of adivce for my coworkers and the company as I part:

    I would greatly encourage some kind of weight loss challenge to be implemented firm wide. The herd of water buffalo you call your work force is embarassing and a bit gross. When I call a co worker over from 2 cubes down and they are legitmately out of breath when they get to my cube it may be time to knock off 10 or 80 pounds. The company seems to encourage this obesity; each busy season we get a giant package full of pixie sticks, chocolate and assorted sweets. As much as I would enjoy type 2 diabetes, I think I'll pass.

    Do not ever, ever, ever put one male on a team with all females unless you want him to quit and or commit a hate crime. This is inhumane. One can only endure so many conversations about greys anatomy, weddings, and handbags before they wish for a cancerous tumor in their armpit.

    I think the joke is old already, enough with the sarbanes oxley. It was fun while it lasted but there is no way anbody can honestly think that this BS is necessary. Oh you want me to pull a sample of the HR file to make sure everyones birthday and hire date is accurate? Yea ill jump right on that, and trust me I'll definitely let you know if there is an exception and not just make up answers that result in me doing less work.

    You can easily cut some costs and get rid of the HR department. I'm pretty sure you can train a monkey to send out the available list and a timesheet reminder every two weeks.
     
    #1 s land balla, Dec 3, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2009
  2. DonkeyMagic

    DonkeyMagic Contributing Member
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    that's pretty funny.

    although i think we have the only attractive external auditor in the state. Of course, she has no personality, but she is easy on the eyes
     
  3. JeopardE

    JeopardE Contributing Member

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    Very funny.

    Having studied a bit about SOX myself, I have to agree with the writer -- that law is a crime against humanity.
     
  4. DonnyMost

    DonnyMost clean your room bucko

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    Quitting letters are always pretty epic.
     
  5. Tenchi

    Tenchi Contributing Member

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    Was that the whole letter? Would you know which office thats from?
     
  6. s land balla

    s land balla Contributing Member

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    That's the whole letter; I left out the signature line at the bottom (Philadelphia office).
     
  7. raj87

    raj87 Member

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    I did not laugh when I read this email. what is so funny about the email?
     
  8. Baqui99

    Baqui99 Contributing Member

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    Weak. There's some incredible departure email of ex-bankers out there. Check out leveragedsellout.com or the like -> should be up there.
     
  9. kaleidosky

    kaleidosky Your Tweety Bird dance just cost us a run

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    get a corporate job, then come back
     
  10. geeimsobored

    geeimsobored Contributing Member

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    I definitely got a chuckle. I worked at Air Liquide's US headquarters in the Galleria after my sophomore year of school and immediately decided that I was never going to work in some cubicle at a large corporate office and much of what is in that letter can be applied to pretty much any corporate setting.

    I did accounting work that actually had some use but there were times when I was making excel spreadsheets about maintenance spending that no one gave a damn about. (My boss however was extremely nice and very hands off)

    Anyway, its funny because people can relate to it, that's all.
     
  11. Jayou

    Jayou Member

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    When you're not working the cash register at McD's anymore, you'll understand......... ;)
     
  12. raj87

    raj87 Member

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    Kindly note that I have worked with coroporate jobs previously.
    But I do not think it is funny to make fun of dickheads that I share a workplace with, hence I do not understand.
     
  13. K LoLo

    K LoLo Member

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    Its funny because its true.

    I work at a public accounting firm. Besides that fact that we do have some good looking ladies in our office (not all mind you, but a few)...everything he said was true. And it got worse once the economy got worse.
     

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