So the day my soon to be ex-wife and my precious daughter will be moving out is quickly approaching. Tomorrow morning to be exact. Too bad I won't be here because I'll be at work. We've decided to work things about amicably between us if possible. We've had a few sit downs where the conversation was going great until we started to disrespect each other, talk down to each other, and us not coming to an agreement. She'll get custody and I'll get 9 - 10 days a month until she starts elementary school in 2016. From then on, she wants me to have her for 2 weekends a month, 4 - 5 days. I want my daughter for the same amount of days, 9-10. I'll pay child support (not much). My wife is being really cool about a lot of conditions except she won't let me see her as much as I want to. I'm about to give in and say 2 weekends a month once she starts school will suffice because in all honesty, I just want this crap to finish and get on with it. Another thing is that we work together, at the same company, same office. There's a saying, don't $hit on your doorstep. Well, I did. Now she's quite the actress, so she'll be sobbing telling our "mutual" coworkers and friends that I abused her, but the thing is... I've NEVER hit her or put a bruise on her. Sure, I've lost my temper and punched a hole in the wall about 5 years ago. I'm not condoning it, but I certainly haven't and won't do it again. Now these "mutual" coworkers and friends are starting to distance themselves from me even though I haven't told ANY of them about the divorce. It's *ucked up. I feel ALONE as hell sometimes and it really sucks. The main reason I've been miserable for the past few years is because of our marriage and now she's trying to make things bad to worse. Not sure if I'll be able to continue working there because of all the drama. It's just not worth it. I'm sure I can find something else. It's not that. My current job is very easy, that's all. I get into this zone of self-pity and border line depression. I've even gone to the doc to get some benzos to help me "deal" with it all. I'm taking 1 valium or 1 klonopin a day. No more. I take a day off every few days cause I don't want to get hooked on these things. It's a lot to take in. Any advice would be very appreciated. Sorry to rain on anyone's parade. Thanks in advance.
There's plenty of fish. Good that it ended if it wasn't healthy. That usually leads to bad. You should be excited to be single and do whatever you want to do. Good things are coming for ya.
Thanks Cheke. I appreciate that and I believe that. I have to remind myself that every once in a while just to stay on the positive side.
I would think you have a right to know where your daughter is living. Don't give in on the number of days, it's just a signal to her that you won't fight for what you deserve.
I know the fight is exhausting and hurts more and more each day, but you can't give in. You need to remember that the schedule you agree upon now is the one you will both be held to for the next 12 years. Unless you have a damn good reason, no judge is going to alter an already agreed upon custody/visitation agreement in the future (and "I want more time with my child" isn't a good enough reason, sadly). Standard custody agreement is 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends with you, plus one evening a week (usually Thursdays so that it feeds into your weekends). Unless she has documented cause to not agree to this, there's no reason you should accept any less. And yes, you have every right to know where your child is residing when not in your custody. There are residential geographic requirements for both of you now, and she needs to recognize that. Besides, somewhere along the way, with insurance, paperwork, and what-not, you'll find out any way.
It might not be a bad idea to quietly meet with a lawyer, one recommended by someone you can trust, just to see what your options are. if she and you've already signed an agreement on your own, you might want to get an opinion on whether it is legally binding. You don't want the process to be hostile, but you may want to make sure your bases are covered and the rules moving forward are clear. Even if you decide to keep the lawyers out of it in the end, it won't hurt to hear what they may have to say and get some basic questions answered.
I realize it may be more upset in your life when everything else is up in the air now, but sounds like you need to get serious about finding another job. If you wife is poisoning the waters at your company things are only going to get worse. If you get into a situation where things get really out in the open it could turn into a scenario where you end up having to leave suddenly without warning, and without a parachute. Don't think of it as letting your wife win. Think about it as you solving the problem she is creating before it becomes untenable.
I also think you should find a new job. If you are miserable there and it is making you and your ex's relationship worse.. one of you should move on. Looks like shes got ppl on her side. So that leaves you. Sucks u are going through this.
Number 1: Go see a lawyer immediately. Number 2: GO SEE A LAWYER IMMEDIATELY. Number 3: In my experience, the amount of time that you will see your kids is rarely dictated by your ex-wife. There is a thing called a standard possession order that explicitly states when you will see your children. Google it and it will give you an idea. Go see a lawyer. Number 4: In my experience, it is against the law for a parent to withhold the address where she is living with your children and vice versa. Go see a lawyer. I am not a lawyer and only giving you my anecdotal experiences. You are only doing yourself and your children a disservice by not seeing a lawyer. I am happy to give you the contact info of the woman I have used for years. My life has become infinitely easier once she started managing my ex-wife. I couldn't reccommend her more and have done so a many times. Edit: Here is her website http://www.houston-child-support.com
Yes. I'm headed in this direction. Unfortunately, I have a business trip this month so I won't be here for most of it. I'll try to talk to one before I go. Thanks. I appreciate it. Really.
I haven't signed ANY papers yet, and won't til I feel very comfortable with what's on it. Can't really talk to her without losing my cool. I hear having a lawyer is great, but they don't really give a rats ass about their clients, only about the $$$, understandably. We're trying to do this amicably as possible, without any representation, but it seems like I'm gonna need one. And a new job is definitely in the horizon. Sucks all this is happening, but glad she's gonna be out of my life, wish my daughter wasn't leaving though.
I'm going to go see one next Tuesday morning. We'll see what we can do. I'm not signing anything til then. Thanks.
Speaking from experience, you have a legal right to know where your child lives. Standard visitation is the minimum you should get. Its what the state falls back on if you don't agree. The judge, with me, allowed what my exes and I agreed too, but if we had a situation where we did not agree on terms, it was automatic that we fall back to standard visitation. Good luck. I haven't been following because of Christmas holidays, but it sounds to me like you have not lawyered up. You're going to kick yourself later if you don't.
If you are going to remain in the same house, why is she taking your daughter? And she's going to take her without letting you know where she's going? No, no, no ,no. If SHE wants to end the marriage and split the family, that's on her. You nor your daughter want this. I mean, that's your daughter's home. Let her move, you be the primary custodial parent and make your soon-to-be-ex pay child support or you'll go to the police and report her for kidnapping. I don't care what any woman says, she is your daughter every bit as much as your wife's. But, that's just me talking. Like others have suggested, a lawyer can give you better advice. I know from my experiences how you feel though. You just want this all to be over and move on, you're stressed, depressed, and feel like your life is a HUGE mess. You feel like you have no fight to give. But you can't forget about YOUR rights as a parent and caretaker. As for work, I know it's not as easy to do as said to just find another job. I say take the high road. Let her do her talking and boo-hooing. You don't need to get into that mess. Ignore it and don't indulge in talking crap about her even as much as you will want to straighten everyone out. Take the high road and be the better person and, trust me, she will make herself look bad and people will see what the deal really is. I hope for the best and God Bless!
If you are truly worried about things at the work place, it may be a good idea for you and your (ex)wife to have a meeting with an HR representative at your company. Get everything out in the open in front of a seemingly impartial observer.
This sounds like great advice. You can't just give up your job, daughter and your life in general because she wants certain things. Stand strong and make sure you get what you deserve. Do NOT give up what you want regarding rights/visitation with your daughter. Fight the good fight. Keep your cool as best you can when you talk about things. No amount of anger will change anything for the positive. I agree with all that have said talk with a lawyer, it helped me bigtime. There are lawyers out there that specialize in the mans rights. That's what I would suggest. Pretty sure she has to tell you where your daughter will be living. That sounds very shady and makes me uncomfortable.
This. Allegations of physical abuse are serious and need to be addressed. If she is telling coworkers you physically abused her, what makes you think she isn't telling her family and eventually your child the same thing?
WHOA. SERIOUS iSHT, man. I can't find where 'Chamillionaire' says this. Please point it out. Otherwise... why are you bringing this up?
