On a tangent, since we're of like minds can I get a discount to your newsletter now? I think it's only fair.
So truly sorry to hear that. My divorce was just final on 9/30. While I did file, it's still very hard. Especially the guilt over how it will affect your child. Kids are soooo intuitive. Way before I left, my son asked me if all married people fight. That crushed me and always stayed with me. If you can't show your child an example of a happy and loving marriage, you're doing them an injustice and more harm. They are smarter than you think. If it makes you feel any better, I think his father and he have an even stronger bond now than when we were together. Hang in there. EDIT: I have to add that if you're a good father, and it sounds as if you are, her mother will more than likely welcome you remaining a constant in your daughter's life. Another man doesn't have to raise your child if you're fully present.
Do everything you can do to get yourself out of that house... all you are doing is allowing resentment and eventual anger to boil over. You also sure as hell better bet that she is in survival mode... she is a woman, she is the one that ultimately made the decision and she is going to do every damn thing that is in her best interest. That means financially, relationships... etc.
Thanks YallMean. I appreciate it. It's not going to be easy at first with the void, but it's the best for the both of us. I still want the best for the both of them.
Yeah, that's a big problem. We're still living together and will be for a few more months. The problem is I don't really have anywhere else to go and neither does she. We're not arguing or anything, but having to talk about the divorce and worrying about what I can or not say is extra stress I'd rather do without. Not sure exactly what I can do? I'm not going to kick her out, I've already done enough.
your soon to be ex wife is right. you can't keep an unhealthy relationship together for the sake of a child. i know it hurts right now, and i just went through a horrible break up.. but after a while... each day you will feel better and better. some great advice from a true gentleman:
My wife also mentioned that she's 33 with a kid, she's scared she's not going to be able to find anybody again. She's crying while she's saying this. Breaks my heart. I'm such a scumbag. Never getting married again.
Also, I would not worry about another man replacing you when it gets to that point. No matter how much the kid may seems like they hate you, u will still be the man. It's the other guy that has to suffer, because no matter how nice he is, the kids will likely push him away and frustrate the **** out of him. And while it may seem like they are pushing you away, and all you can is wrong, or get in the way, you will always be the one person who they love the most if you just hover. They will demand to see you early on, and that will dissapate over time, but that's the natural course so don't let that shake you either. On the reverse side, who ever you date, that person too will be challenged and will likely never win over your child.
She's not reconsidering. We've already talked about reconsidering for our daughter and or counseling, but it's a no. She's firm on her stance.
My wife's already gone, I need to focus now on my daughter. Before reading y'all's posts I was bitter and angry about this, but my focus is now on my daughter. Thanks guys. I really really appreciate all the support. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to post this, didn't want to seem like an attention w**** or whining. It's a lot to take in at once, but with the advice of y'all who'd been through it I feel more confident that I can go through this.
Ah Hell...Ok here goes part of my story. Thought I'd leave it off of the site, but if it helps in any way.. First let me say, if the marriage is salvageable, do all you can to make it work. People quit so easily these days. Sometimes you get through these times and you come out of it stronger and unified. If it's worth fighting for, then dammit fight for it. If it's not, it's not. Only you two know. I'm going through a divorce now, it's been over a year. I have two boys, 5 and 2, yes 2! When it's all said and done I'll have full custody. I've had my boys ever since she left. My ex actually asked me to leave early on and I said not a chance in hell. Not only will I never leave my boys, I'll never even make them think I'm going to leave them. So, she left. She never came home in the end anyway. Man, when you know something is going on outside of your marriage, it kills your spirit like nothing else. I knew it. Lies upon lies, it was brutal. So anyway, I stayed she left and was just gone. I've always been more than hands on when raising the boys, but when it goes from that to doing everything all of the time it's tough...at first. After about a month I had a routine down and a job that is understanding and our lives are fantastic. So I have documented every little thing for over a year because there wasn't a chance in Hell that I would live without my boys, it's helped a great deal. Turns out I won't need it because she isn't fighting me for custody, she knows that they are better off living with me. I won't go into any more detail than that. Even though I knew there were things going on outside the marriage I was willing to do whatever it took early on to try and make things work. She was back and forth with her emotions and what she wanted. So after some time I realized that I deserved better. The things she put me and the boys through were not acceptable. It was a crazy ride emotionally, I was not in a good place for a very long time. My boys got me through, I knew I had to be right for them. I am/was and now life is pretty damn good. OP and anyone else going through this, here is my .02... Stay as positive as possible. Live as clean as possible. It's so easy to get lost in a dark place. Surround yourself with good people. Stay as busy as you can. You'll go through so much emotionally, but it will get better. Focus on your daughter, don't ever, EVER not be there for her. You are vital to all that she is and will be. I was with my wife about 8 years and it took me a little over a year to really feel right. It's definitely a process, but I'm a better man because of it, that's for certain.
That is her problem, not yours. Remember, she is the one making the decision to leave. Not sure why she is telling you. She shouldn't get the benefit of your emotional support if she is actively trying to end the marriage. More reason you need out of that house. Do not be mean or offensive, provide her the respect she deserves as the mother of your child... But remember, she isn't your problem any more.
If it's really done, getting away from each other helps a great deal. If you aren't trying to get custody, find a place to go. With so much going on emotionally, it's almost impossible to keep your cool and think clearly. Time away is huge right now. You never know, time away can not only help you as individuals, it's also possible it can bring you closer.
Ok. I'll definitely look into that. Thanks a lot Mikol13 and I'm sorry for what you and your boys had to go through.
