Your post is at 1:57 A.M.. I'm imagining you frantically opening your laptop and making this post with Dog crap all over you... True CF member right there
Drive the dog up to Love Pet Hospital in Southwest Austin, where I have been taking my dogs for years. Dr. Love (and she was a babe about 15 years ago, getting up there now, but I digress) was the first vet in Austin to specialize in acupuncture for pets (the local paper did a story about her), does pet massage, and is a pet psychologist, besides doing an excellent job on all the standard pet illnesses. It's hard to get an appointment with her, but she has several other vets working with her now, some trained on the same things she's been doing for years. I have no doubt that she would be able to provide the dog, you, and the chick some much needed help. Most likely involve some one on one sessions, and then group sessions later. She even has a couch. Spraying poop all over you in your sleep is bizarre behavior. Perhaps the beast was having a nightmare over that scene in the Godfather. You know, the one where the horse's head ends up in that movie mogul's bed? More likely, the dog sees you as competition for it's master's affections. In any event, an intervention is called for. And did the chick really blame you? Wow. I'd say she has issues herself. Love is called for!
#1 the fact that the chick blamed you is NOT a good sign long term. You could be headed to long term punching bag status. Assuming you don't leave the chick, it is time to make the dog disapear. Personally I would just drive 20-30 miles away and dump it in a park. However if that is unlikely, there are other methods. The only **** in your bed should be of the consentual nature.
Time for some dark chocolate "accidentally" being left on the kitchen counter where certain domestic animals can have easy access to.
Yes, OP needs to establish dominance. Right now your girlfriend's dog is the pack leader. You need to **** on the dog and your girlfriend. WWCMD?
It had gotten into some pork butt I cooked for Labor Day that made it sick... So yea it was watery nastiness.
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She just woke up after I yelled, looked over at me covered in **** and goes did you **** the bed!! After a few seconds she realized what had happened when there was poop all over the carpet too.
lol why do you have to adandon the dog? Just take it to an animal shelter or give it away, if you have to get rid of it.